Venting Older members, does it really get better?

[wanttheend]

In my mid 60's now. Didn't think of suicide when younger but as I age and come closer to a natural death things have changed. I've seen parents and friends young and old die, natural causes, diseases, accidents, etc.... and I don't want to get to the point of becoming older with memory loss, or feel my body wearing out and more. Recently was in the hospital for an operation for the first time in my life. Was nervous since I had never experienced being anesthetized. It was amazing to go from consciousness to nothing in seconds and for several hours to be completely out. This seems the way to die for me. Sane of mind, relaxed, ready to accept what is about to happen and leave this life. As I grow older thoughts of eternity and death are constantly on my mind. The thought of non existence is scary but I would rather approach it on my own terms than continue to wait and be a drain on my mind

 

[LADY007]

In my mid 60's now. Didn't think of suicide when younger but as I age and come closer to a natural death things have changed. I've seen parents and friends young and old die, natural causes, diseases, accidents, etc.... and I don't want to get to the point of becoming older with memory loss, or feel my body wearing out and more. Recently was in the hospital for an operation for the first time in my life. Was nervous since I had never experienced being anesthetized. It was amazing to go from consciousness to nothing in seconds and for several hours to be completely out. This seems the way to die for me. Sane of mind, relaxed, ready to accept what is about to happen and leave this life. As I grow older thoughts of eternity and death are constantly on my mind. The thought of non existence is scary but I would rather approach it on my own terms than continue to wait and be a drain on my mind

This is only my personal opinion from my own experience and watching the experiences of older family members and friends. (I am 70) From all that has gone on, things usually do not get better. I wish they did but they don't. I have absolutely no fear of dying. It's living as an older person that scares me. Too much of life now centers on losses. Losing people, strength and the knowledge that in a few years I won't be able to control many things and could be vulnerable to abuse of one form or another. When you are younger, you don't focus on these everyday, so they don't haunt you. But from being closer to those events, it is on my mind all the time and plays a part in not being able to enjoy life anymore. I bought nitrogen and will use the exit bag method. Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[ClaudeKersey]

I'm not "an older member", but I don't think it really gets better, unless the root problem is solved.

Otherwise, we just learn to cope with it better.

 

[CandyCane]

If I wasn't sick I would say yes. But I am sick, so it's no. The first time I was suicidal I was 7 or 8. My reason was I was trapped in an abusive home. Now I'm in my 30s and have a chronic illness, so I'm trapped in an abusive body. Things can get better if you can move around freely and act in your own best interests, but I had to face a ton of demons to be ok, and then I got sick and now I just am not ok again. Stoicism helped and still helps me a lot.

 

[noname223]

Yes I think it can get better for many people. Especially if you compare your mental state when you hit rock bottom. Many people me included thought when they hit rock bottom for the first time this feeling would last forever. This is very often not true. However it is important to try different therapies and approaches for getting better.
I will probably be suicidal as long as I live. However there are differet levels of suicidality. My life even now is no fairy tale but medication has helped me to improve. It could ease my pain. I don't think my life will have an happy end for me but for the moment I am in less pain. Fighting can be worth it. For some this is only a temporary crisis. We cannot predict the future. This is on the one hand frightening but also comforting. I rather struggle with that fact though.

 

[myopybyproxy]

My mother has Alzheimer's, started 3 years ago when she was 84 (now 87 and after breaking her hip in March, she is in a long term care facility and can barely remember my name) and I fear that this will be my fate eventually too if I should live long enough (I'm 52). Her father, my grandfather, also had Alzheimer's at the age of 84 and was dead at 88. What I noticed with Alzheimer's is that we humans are nothing without our memory...and memories. I have asked her if she remembers different events and experiences in her past, and the reply I get is some form of no. What was the point of having lived 87 years, so far, and not being able to recall any of it?! Existence is futile. The sad thing is that when you are healthy, you think it is too soon to cbt. But after symptoms of Alzheimer's appear, you forget what and how to do it, and then it will be too late to cbt yourself. No one else can do it for you, that would be a crime. So you have no choice but to just waste away until you are stricken with a massive stroke, aneurism, heart attack, or choke to death. One of these will be how my mother will pass away before long.

your comment made me think of the film still alice, where the woman makes plans but by the time she tries to follow through her mind is too broken to even die in peace. heartbreaking.

 

[unraveling]

Two things and I have yet to figure out multiple quoting here...

I'm not "an older member", but I don't think it really gets better, unless the root problem is solved.

Otherwise, we just learn to cope with it better.

This is so true. What I thought would kill me, should kill me, didn't. And I survived by crappy coping mechanisms and then later, with healthy coping mechanisms. But the problem is that for many decades I was still severely depressed and still lived as if one day I would kill myself and so made all kinds of failures to plan properly for the future. I wasn't a spendthrift, I was in fact a cheapskate, saved every penny. But I didn't know how to invest or what to do (the steps involved I mean) and every time I made an effort, even the tax attorneys and other experts back in those days would brush aside my serious questions and instead try to grope me. yes. really. Which of course just kept the PTSD going.

Oh my point, forgot to clarify. yes things can get better. But if you fail to ignore the obstacles in your way and you do not plan for a retirement... well.... I wish now that I had just ended things a long time ago and got it over with. Because the interim years weren't all that better really and the present just feels like the ante room to hell.

In reply to Justwannadie's comment about Alzheimer's... So very sorry to hear that. I think about it too. Having Alzheimer's does seem to be exactly like losing your personhood and even worse, to think about being at the mercy of predators.... it's another reason to go early isn't it. I used to know a lady on another suicide forum and she said, she had a bottle of pills on the counter with a big note. The note said, "when you can't remember, take these". I always thought, if I waited until I couldn't remember what the pills were for, I'd probably forget to take them with an antiemetic.

 

[brnggundottxt]

Not for me at least. If I could go back knowing what I know now, I'd have much more fun, make more drastic sacrifices, be more disciplined drink less and smoked more weed. I'd certainly end up dead but I would have accomplished way more,

Some people do find purpose later in life through contributing things that will outlast them, or raising a family. Or by less wholesome ways..

 

[ameliacecelia]

A friend of mine gave me really simple advice advice once but I continually reused it. He told me to write down a list of all the things in my life that I was unhappy with and start with the easiest thing to fix. The first time I actually wrote things down, I was at a point where I felt everything in my life was miserable. But I was able to gradually work on everything on that first list. Things changed and I would have to physically write things down again and again, but knowing I was working on them helped a lot. That was probably the best advice I've been given and I hope that it helps somebody else here.

 

[downsolong]

A friend of mine gave me really simple advice advice once but I continually reused it. He told me to write down a list of all the things in my life that I was unhappy with and start with the easiest thing to fix. The first time I actually wrote things down, I was at a point where I felt everything in my life was miserable. But I was able to gradually work on everything on that first list. Things changed and I would have to physically write things down again and again, but knowing I was working on them helped a lot. That was probably the best advice I've been given and I hope that it helps somebody else here.

for me, it only gets worse, and any reprieve makes the inevitable return of anguish more painful.
when i've been asked to write the lists you mentioned, my initial response was to stab the advisor with a pencil, and after some contemplation, to stab myself.

 

[Ligottian]

I'm going to express my feelings by paraphrasing the Marcellus Wallace character in Pulp Fiction. Some people think the're going to age like wine. If you mean it turns to vinegar, you're right. If you mean it gets better with age, it doesn't.

 

[OldDrummer]

Can only speak from my own subjective experience. In my early 50's now.

Didn't have a great childhood nor teen years. Always obsessing about what people thought of me.

In my mid 20's I got my career and education in shape and I learned how to not give a fuck about what ever people think about me and stop being a 'people pleaser'.

In your teens, your body is hormone-city. You can't think straight. About anything.

Things generally came into better focus and perspective for me in my 20's.

I'm so glad I didn't ctb back then. Had a lot of great life experiences in the past 30 years despite generally feeling like an outsider.

 

[ameliacecelia]

for me, it only gets worse, and any reprieve makes the inevitable return of anguish more painful.
when i've been asked to write the lists you mentioned, my initial response was to stab the advisor with a pencil, and after some contemplation, to stab myself.

Please don't stab me, I have a more peaceful way to go. Only one person has ever told me that and as a very close friend, I've always been impressed at how well they were doing despite so many hardships.

 

[arnab]

No, it doesn't get better. Life is about dog eat dog. It's nature. Nature is beyond brutal, but our society today is so far away from true reality and nature. That's why many don't see it's brutal nature. It's sad to see so much delusional people. This is also why people are so prone to getting kids, because they believe it's gotten better when in reality all that's happened is that they have gotten used to a shit life.
It's sad.

 

[Eadamk]

I'm 57. I've been on a downhill slope now for years. My first wife divorced me in 2015. I then met the love I've my life who died of a massive heart attack next to me on a Sunday drive during the start of the pandemic. I've been laid off twice and have not been able to regain my original salary. I'm stuck with alimony. So life gets worse.

 

[downsolong]

Please don't stab me, I have a more peaceful way to go. Only one person has ever told me that and as a very close friend, I've always been impressed at how well they were doing despite so many hardships.

yikes. i didn't mean for it to sound like i wanted to do that to you.

 

[Disappointered]

Can only speak from my own subjective experience. In my early 50's now.

Didn't have a great childhood nor teen years. Always obsessing about what people thought of me.

In my mid 20's I got my career and education in shape and I learned how to not give a fuck about what ever people think about me and stop being a 'people pleaser'.

In your teens, your body is hormone-city. You can't think straight. About anything.

Things generally came into better focus and perspective for me in my 20's.

I'm so glad I didn't ctb back then. Had a lot of great life experiences in the past 30 years despite generally feeling like an outsider.

You have no obligation to answer me but from reading your post I have to wonder what brings you to this forum. A suddenly acquired physical illness?

 

[ameliacecelia]

yikes. i didn't mean for it to sound like i wanted to do that to you.

Lol. He was the only one who gave me that advice. From anyone outside of my situation, hearing that would have angered me. He's someone I knew lived by his own advice and did not have an easy life. Your reply did sound like you wouldn't mind stabbing my but I know you didn't mean that. Working on my living situation, what city I lived in, and what I did for a living were good places for me to start. They all came with great anxiety during those transitions too but I ended up in a better place than where I started.

 

[PurpleMonkey]

Doesn't necessarily get better but you get more ambivalent. It's prison-psychology: your standards shrink to the size of your cell.

 

[deathbydragon]

"It gets better" is a phrase that has always made me laugh because if it did, why does the suicide rate go UP with age?

 

[OldDrummer]

"It gets better" is a phrase that has always made me laugh because if it did, why does the suicide rate go UP with age?

Situations can change. The reasons you may want to cbt when younger may resolve, then suddenly you're looking down the barrel of cancer in your 60's.

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

Hey, older members, genuine question: Does it ever really get better? I'm relatively young, but I've been suicidal since I've been aware of my own existence. There's good and bad in life, sure, but there's so much more bad and so little good. Even if there was more good than bad, I'm tired of both of them. Does it ever get easier? I'm just out of the hospital, and all I can think about, even after being drugged out of my mind, is how badly I wish I had not been found and had not failed. All I can think about is the cold steel of a gun barrel in my mouth. So, does it get better? Honestly? It hasn't yet, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of fighting to do everything every day. I'm tired of this existence. I'm tired of being. Will it ever go away? Sorry for the ramble, I just need these answers. Everyone in life loves to say it does, because they don't want to discourage you. They're never honest about it though, because when they are, the answer is no.

I can say as far as my life goes, no it only got worse. As I got older, more problems arise and loved ones started dying, now I'm alone and everything is so much worse. I have known people who said it got better for them as they got older though, so it's really on a person to person basis. No way to predict what will happen to you in life. I would have thought my life to be way better than it is now. I wasn't really suicidal until I turned 40.

 

[Hollowman]

No

 

[Beer_is_all_I_have]

It definitely can get better but everyone's situation is different. I was an acne ravished teen with no self esteem. I didn't see the possibility of making it to 25, but I forced my way through college and got a job that eventually I loved. It raised my self esteem as I was great in what my job entailed. My disgusting acne potted face lessened and I learned to not center my thoughts around it. I made a good living and invested well so I could retire early. Still alone but living a relatively calm life without too much stress.

I will never forget the 17 yo high school friend who killed himself much too early. Unlike me he had good looks and potential to change when he got away from his family. I think he would've gotten past those years and done better than me.

Lost another friend recently who was my age who only saw the negativity of her life, her physical pains, her financial instability, her physical beauty degrading, and the decline of this sad world. I still saw her as beautiful and someone exploding with empathy for those who were homeless or wildlife being killed for profit. I miss her more than I've missed any human.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Hey, older members, genuine question: Does it ever really get better? I'm relatively young, but I've been suicidal since I've been aware of my own existence. There's good and bad in life, sure, but there's so much more bad and so little good. Even if there was more good than bad, I'm tired of both of them. Does it ever get easier? I'm just out of the hospital, and all I can think about, even after being drugged out of my mind, is how badly I wish I had not been found and had not failed. All I can think about is the cold steel of a gun barrel in my mouth. So, does it get better? Honestly? It hasn't yet, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of fighting to do everything every day. I'm tired of this existence. I'm tired of being. Will it ever go away? Sorry for the ramble, I just need these answers. Everyone in life loves to say it does, because they don't want to discourage you. They're never honest about it though, because when they are, the answer is no.

I think it may for some people but not for me. Each passing day gets more difficult and I feel more hollow and depressed.

 

[gimzero]

Its not posibile we live in a world with no free will so our lives designby unknown.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I guess that depends on a lot of factors. However, the biggest factor is how you see yourself. Whether that is influenced by outside factors or not is irrelevant. How you see you is the biggest deciding factor deciding whether it gets better or not. For me, it did for a brief period, but then it became much worse than it ever has been and frankly, the future is going to be even more horrifying if I live too much longer. Ten years at the very most and I will be completely unable to function normally.

 

[makethepainstop]

Hey, older members, genuine question: Does it ever really get better? I'm relatively young, but I've been suicidal since I've been aware of my own existence. There's good and bad in life, sure, but there's so much more bad and so little good. Even if there was more good than bad, I'm tired of both of them. Does it ever get easier? I'm just out of the hospital, and all I can think about, even after being drugged out of my mind, is how badly I wish I had not been found and had not failed. All I can think about is the cold steel of a gun barrel in my mouth. So, does it get better? Honestly? It hasn't yet, and I'm so tired. I'm tired of fighting to do everything every day. I'm tired of this existence. I'm tired of being. Will it ever go away? Sorry for the ramble, I just need these answers. Everyone in life loves to say it does, because they don't want to discourage you. They're never honest about it though, because when they are, the answer is no.

I have been hearing since I was 5 years old that it will get better........I'm now 63, it has NOT gotten better! So it will get better is a damned lie!

 

[Messgram]

It usually doesn't get any better, because as we get older we have to deal with a lot more responsibilities. Physically, our beauty and health begin to decline, which makes several things difficult, especially relationship. I say if you're a virgin after 25 you're completely fucked up, because at that age almost everyone is already experienced with relationships and sex, so someone inexperienced will have a lot more difficulty finding a partner and it will only get worse as time passes, like a snowball.

If you had a lot of childhood trauma, you'll most likely get depression for life, as childhood is where our mind and brain are being formed and therefore any traumas at this stage of life can damage your psyche irreversibly.

now, if you're a virgin over 25, who had a fucked up childhood, and ugly, unemployed/wageslave, no friends and a fucking dysfunctional family. No, it's easier for the world to end tomorrow than for things to get better. things will get better when i die

 

[conflagration]

Some things get better. E.g. you know better how the world goes, so you are less susceptible to deception, you know yourself better what are your vulnerabilities and strengths, you had some time to figure out how to handle stuff when shit hits the fan. From other point of view your health is getting worse, your looks are getting worse, you have less patience to deal with same things again and again.