Older members (30+)

[GeorgeJL]

37 years old here. I hope to live until I am 70, but if my health goes south I will be ending it sooner.

 

[LaBrava]

52 and done. Struggled all my life really, particularly with work and related stress, lack of significant other, lack of money and financial security. Really don't want to keep struggling for no other purpose than to exist. Another aspect of being this age is feeling so alienated from 21st century culture as an ageing Gen Xer. So much of what I used to cherish is gone now. I enjoyed reading this resurrected thread - us older folks have a different experience to the youngsters, so it's easier for me to relate.

 

[KnightOfEnceladus]

33. Suicidal since 8, partly due to depression/anxiety but mostly because even as a little girl I always knew how horrible this world is and what was coming for me. Currently right on the edge of homelessness (again) and, if I don't take myself out on my own terms, will suffer heaven alone knows what in a psych ward with no money and no insurance. I've been ready to go for a long, long time.

It's an odd feeling, like everything is just a movie or a play and I've seen through it, played my part, and am ready to leave.

 

[marcusuk63]

55 here 56 next month i have been going to catch the bus every decade since i was 14 yet somehow I am still here but i have made monumental fook ups this year and with losing my closest brother , 3 dogs (not current adopted one) and about to lose my house within 2 years as my mortgage is finished and is £27k shortfall on the endowment which i would have to find to pay it off , it is only a matter of months or weeks before I CTB the last 2-3 months i have been sorting things out for when i go , disposing of possessions , making a will and even as stupid at it sounds decorating and doing little jobs i have been putting off , mainly as i have left everything to my 20 years my junior brother and there will be little for him to have to sort and dispose of and he will be able to get top dollar when he sells the house , no body will be able to knock the price down saying , this and that need doing , i have even left 10 mortgage payments in envelopes with account number and date due on them so he doesn't have to find any to pay it while its up for sale or a bonus for him if it sells straight away as they are only taking a couple of weeks to sell around here at the moment lol

 

[Halo13]

I'm over 30. Appreciate this thread.

 

[famblycat]

30+.
Trapped in my mind since I remember myself. My life feels like a long movie I always knew the plot of. My fears of how it'll never change since I was a kid, with major psychological issues, becoming reality. My mind just took the wrong turn in order to deal with rough painful childhood, i was too fragile and sensitive to adapt to and overcome.

As an animal I would've been dead long time ago, as a human I'm just carried on by being depended, shutting in so maybe not forced to deal with real life stress most of the time, probably keeping me "safe" enough not to jump off the building.

Should've been gone long time ago, nothing to live for, nothing to enjoy or just distract my thoughts from how messed up i am and need to die.

Terrified my inability to be impulsive enough not to take in mind the consequences of suicide on others, guilt, is going to lock me in this personal hell for many years to come.

 

[Faraway1990]

I'm 29 years old soon but I feel older the reasons I'm CTB are the same as when I tried in 2005 and 2016 but just more and I don't see a way things are going to get better I had a purpose and a good life that was torn from me in 2016 and has progressively got worse since despite trying. I don't think I'm even going to see 29 let alone 30 in this life <3 this isn't an impulsive decision I genuinely don't see how life can be worth living for me now I'm just getting all my affairs in order.

 

[lululoo]

55 here 56 next month i have been going to catch the bus every decade since i was 14 yet somehow I am still here but i have made monumental fook ups this year and with losing my closest brother , 3 dogs (not current adopted one) and about to lose my house within 2 years as my mortgage is finished and is £27k shortfall on the endowment which i would have to find to pay it off , it is only a matter of months or weeks before I CTB the last 2-3 months i have been sorting things out for when i go , disposing of possessions , making a will and even as stupid at it sounds decorating and doing little jobs i have been putting off , mainly as i have left everything to my 20 years my junior brother and there will be little for him to have to sort and dispose of and he will be able to get top dollar when he sells the house , no body will be able to knock the price down saying , this and that need doing , i have even left 10 mortgage payments in envelopes with account number and date due on them so he doesn't have to find any to pay it while its up for sale or a bonus for him if it sells straight away as they are only taking a couple of weeks to sell around here at the moment lol

That is all so thoughtful of you. And to get it all done when depressed. You are a good man.

I am too tired and sick and depressed to do things like that. I will just leave my family info on how to access my bank account.

35 here, by the way. Never thought I'd get this far if nothing got better. I can't take it much longer.

 

[Karangel25]

32 female

 

[Aliaiactaest]

58. Appreciate the thread as well.

 

[esclava]

38 here

 

[andy69]

I am 49 and I don't want to turn 50.

 

[Swoods]

53. I enjoy this thread. Realize that I'm not the only old guy here. Makes me feel less alone.

 

[wanttheend]

mid to late 60's here. would love a thread for older

 

[brnggundottxt]

I used to think that I won't make it to 30 yet here I am. I thought it would win a Darwin award in a drunken street fight at first. At one time I was getting fit to be a war correspondent or something cool. I sort of regret not yeeting at. It would be sort of cool to die in a hail of bullets but my enemies are pussy NPCs.
Who knows I could end up being one of those profoundly old persons that refuses to die.

 

[CandyCane]

I'm in my 30s.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

I'll be 34 next month

 

[nowayout*]

I'll be 34 next month

I'll be 34 next month as well.

 

[davidgeorge]

In my early 50s and my last year

 

[Eternally Dottie]

40's

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

I turn 30 this Saturday coming up. Always thought I wouldn't make it this far but I'm still here and still miserable lol

 

[Sunset Limited]

45 here. Being old is terrible.

 

[Niirvana]

28

 

[Therealnobody]

I 'll be 36 next month. I am suicidal since onset of my thirties. Never attempted, I am really dumb so I have a mission to study and prepare myself in order to I could ctb as much as it is possible painlessly and quickly. The reason is I got to know some things which changed my perspective on life. I can't relate much to people here because my reason for suicidality is I hate life itself I am not depressed nor feel lonely even if I have no friends. I don't have serious painful disease, I have a family (no children), my life isn't bad. On the other side I am mildly disabled and dependent on my boyfriend if he would leave me my life would be constant struggle for surviving as it is for me very difficult to keep a steady job with my disability. But main reason is really loss of my dumb and naive view on life and getting to know what life is what I am in the reality.

 

[georgecostanza]

28

get outta here ... just kidding. I'm almost still mid-30s ... have been enjoying regular suicidal ideation in my mid-teens, as well als mid-20s ... the bar is really low but I think I'm getting slightly happier on average with every year - if the trend continues I might have healthy experience of felicity by the time I retire. so that's that.

 

[Fre_diE]

Evening, I'm 41 and need to ctb as soon as possible reasons being I've ruined my life in so many ways that there is no hope or any future.
I constantly research various methods from hanging to SN to guns and can never decide which method would ensure 100% accuracy on 1st attempt.
I am afraid of making my life worse than it already is. ANd fairly certain my family would be better off without by depression and severe agoraphobia burdening them.
Sorry for the vent but can anyone relate?

 

[Niirvana]

get outta here ... just kidding. I'm almost still mid-30s ... have been enjoying regular suicidal ideation in my mid-teens, as well als mid-20s ... the bar is really low but I think I'm getting slightly happier on average with every year - if the trend continues I might have healthy experience of felicity by the time I retire. so that's that.

When you retire? Get outta here... Haha just kid. I am glad that you have in mind to find happiness and that you think of a full life

 

[georgecostanza]

When you retire? Get outta here... Haha just kid. I am glad that you have in mind to find happiness and that you think of a full life

Considering the economic prospects likely around the age of 90 - will be awwwwesome!

 

[unraveling]

Good evening (morning or afternoon if that's your time zone). I do enjoy the company of young people and look forward to getting to know everyone here, after all there's so much universal suffering with the ability to extend compassion to others which most of us have in common, but it's also nice to see some older people, and with their own thread too! Particularly because much of my own perpetual confusion and anxiety is currently focused on.... what to do about the stupid house. And while I am generally quite poor due to a variety of factors, it's been my experience that even in a group of depressives where you all have that in common, as soon as you mention that your house is mortgage-free to anyone who has not yet made it onto the housing ladder, they look at you as if you're one of the old rich elites who are the cause of so much grief in the world. They just have no clue and just can't relate.

Not assuming of course that everyone past 30 IS on the housing ladder, just that, there's a better chance. But even before this house came into my life, I was already suicidal and already questioning what to do with my belongings. Most people tend to have family who can dispose of all that? it seems completely horrifying to me that not only must I plan every last detail of my way out of this world, but I also must endure the process of sorting, cleaning, and proper disposal of all these different categories of items. It's fucking torture, like expecting a condemned prisoner to chop the tree then plane the lumber then mine the ore then sharpen the blade to build his own guillotine.

but if I don't do that then I have all these other logistical issues and moral quandaries.. Oh well I guess? I don't even know and I'm just so exhausted. Anyway, sorry to be here, sorry you read all that if you did. Congrats if you wisely skipped right over it!

 

[LostAllHope88]

It's funny I was just thinking yesterday it would be nice to be able to chat with members 30+ here (I'm 33) and here it is!

I wanted to CTB in my teens and 20s but it's crazy how much more intense it is now in my 30s. The current state of the world is also having an effect. Hard to want to keep breathing when prices of everything are soaring and you're already poor, global pandemic, on the verge of another world war…I don't wanna think about how much worse things might get if I stick around.