Not Sure If I Should Hire A Prostitute Beforehand

[KafkaF]

I don't have a girlfriend anymore. I haven't had sex for months because of this. And in theory I'd really like to have sex before I end things.

Prostitution is legal in my country. So I've considered just hiring a prostitute for like the day before or whatever. To be able to have sex one last time. But, idk, I'm conflicted about it.

Part of it is that I've always been someone who's tied love and sex together. I've never really had casual sex or wanted casual sex. I've always wanted sex to be in a loving relationship and for me it has always been that way. But I can hardly find another person to be in a loving relationship with before I end things and even if I could, that would seem kind of unfair to that person considering that I know what I'm going to do.

So the choice at this point really is to either hire a prostitute or die without having the chance to have sex one last time.

There's also the side problem that if I end up not being able to go through with it, that I'll have violated my own principles about casual sex for bad reasons and I'll have to live with that. That idea sucks too.

So, yeah, I just don't know.

On the one hand, the idea of not being able to enjoy sex one last time before I end things really bothers me a lot.

On the other hand, it's not like I'm going to remember it afterwards. And the thought of having sex with a prostitute does make me kind of uncomfortable. And they're rather expensive. And if I end up not being able to go through with it afterwards I'll have to live with it.

There's also something I do find beautiful about my last time having been with my previous girlfriend, the woman I loved more than I've ever loved anyone before.

So... idk, I'm conflicted.

 

[Doemu]

Once you die, the only thing you have is what you leave in this world.

For me, principles goes first ever. Even i don't believe you are gonna enjoy sex with an stranger while think in CTB.

In my case i have been 3 years and 2 months with out sex at this moment.

 

[Adûnâi]

If you were a fellow incel in a merry, prostitution-available country, I'd say go for it. But considering you're a sex-haver, my mind has change, for sex-haver conditions are an enigma to me.

 

[KafkaF]

Once you die, the only thing you have is what you leave in this world.

For me, principles goes first ever. Even i don't believe you are gonna enjoy sex with an stranger while think in CTB.

In my case i have been 3 years and 2 months with out sex at this moment.

I know I won't actually remember it afterwards. But it is my last chance to have it. And, idk, I'm not sure I want to waste that.

 

[mortuarymary]

Could you get it up, knowing the next day you're killing yourself?

 

[SexyIncél]

YOLO

You don't just have to boink her. (Or them, if you're greedy.) You can simply just lie down with one that has a clever-seeming smile. And then, if you both wish, maybe make love to her just because she's human

You can make it as beautiful & whimsical as feasible. She's helping you pretend that the universe is lovely

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Youre gonna CTB anyway, so the dynamic/perspective becomes different, i think.
Instead of I might regret having done it, it's going to be I might regret not having done it.
And yeah, absolutely get the feelings = love thing, however, science says otherwise. (yeah, i know we're supposed to be special, etc etc) but it might not be emotional stimulus you're looking for, but mental.
Personally my take is go for it. It's an experience, like any other, and it is quite possible to enjoy it. Society has tried to overly romanticize physical intimacy to the point that it may seem love is necessary, but on a biological, scientific level it really isnt.

 

[bwerner]

There's the risk of feeling overly intimate/trusting/comfortable and revealing your plans. That would ruin the mood.

 

[Argo]

Okay, so you're conflicted. How do you square these 3 ideas? :

the idea of not being able to enjoy sex one last time before I end things really bothers me a lot.

There's also the side problem that if I end up not being able to go through with it, that I'll have violated my own principles about casual sex for bad reasons and I'll have to live with that. That idea sucks too.

There's also something I do find beautiful about my last time having been with my previous girlfriend, the woman I loved more than I've ever loved anyone before.

Did I get this right? :

You want sex, but you want loving sex, since you don't like the idea of casual sex. You like the idea of your last time being an intimate/meaningful thing with your gf, and you also seem to understand that you probably won't get the kind of sex you're after from a sex worker.

Imagine you had a dial on your brain labeled "sexual frustration" and you could set it to zero. What would the problem look like then?

 

[KafkaF]

Okay, so you're conflicted. How do you square these 3 ideas? :







Did I get this right? :

You want sex, but you want loving sex, since you don't like the idea of casual sex. You like the idea of your last time being an intimate/meaningful thing with your gf, and you also seem to understand that you probably won't get the kind of sex you're after from a sex worker.

Imagine you had a dial on your brain labeled "sexual frustration" and you could set it to zero. What would the problem look like then?

I'd say that's more-or-less a fair summary.

I don't think that dial would change anything. I am sexually frustrated, it's true. But that's not the reason I want to do it before I end things.

I know the sexual frustration will be gone as soon as I end things anyway. So in that sense it doesn't bother me. And if I only had sex one or two days before I end it, that literally would only end my sexual frustration one or two days sooner. So it's not really about that.

What it's about is... you only get one life to live. You only get one chance at all of this. I enjoy sex. And now I have to make a decision to end my life. And so considering this is the last time I could ever have sex (something very enjoyable) and this is my last chance to ever enjoy it, isn't it kind of stupid for me to deny myself that opportunity just because of some vague principle I have?

But, yeah, I'm still conflicted. Because I do find something beautiful about the idea that my last time will have been with the person I loved the most in the world. I do like that idea.

 

[Meteora]

It might happen that the sex with the sex worker is really bad. Its not compareable to sex with someone you love.
I personally would keep in mind the nice experiences you made.

 

[worthless_nightmare]

I've never had sex or been in a committed relationship before. I think I'll die a virgin

 

[Bianka]

Considering your views on sex it probably will be an unpleasent experince. I'm not here to tell you what to do but rather to tell you I understand the conflict in you. I can't say an answer but it seems like casual sex won't give you the thing you're looking for

 

[Linda]

A lot would depend on the girl concerned. Some prostitutes are very empathic, others less so. I don't think there is anything "wrong" with casual sex. Whether or not you will find it satisfying in any particular case is very hard to predict in advance. My feeling is that you have very little to lose by giving it a try.

If you are not used to using prostitutes, please remember to treat the girl with respect. Not all clients do, and that really annoys me. (It's nothing personal. I never worked in that profession.)

 

[tbroken]

Hire one that is more open minded, ask her to have a complete date with you, if you are funny and smart enough she might even enjoy it and she will not fake her emotions.

 

[Linda]

Hire one that is more open minded, ask her to have a complete date with you, if you are funny and smart enough she might even enjoy it and she will not fake her emotions.

Excellent idea.

 

[casual_existence]

You won't know until you actually do it. You can make all kinds of claims, and in an ideal world that would be enough, but you simply gotta do it to really know.

 

[Ash’Girl]

I don't really know how it works wherever you are, but I have seen documentaries, for example some program called something like "40 year old virgin", where one person hired a sex worker to help them basically cross that hurdle. She was very honest in the process about what she wanted, and the man was therefore catering to her requirements.

They did cuddle, they talked, they formed some kind of connection, then they did the deed. There are probably services that do cater to that.

Sex workers are humans providing a service just like any profession (assuming they are doing it by choice and not coercion, which is a whole separate barrel of ick). I'd imagine lots would therefore be happy to discuss your needs beyond just sexual preferences.

 

[Pikmin]

Prostitutes are nasty, if you sleep with one you'll be very disgusted with yourself after. You'll wonder why you stooped that low.

 

[Linda]

Prostitutes are nasty, if you sleep with one you'll be very disgusted with yourself after. You'll wonder why you stooped that low.

I have known a number of prostitutes, both female and male. (I have probably known many more, without realising what they did for a living.) Without exception, all were nice people. No doubt there are some who are not, but that is true of any profession. As with all things, you get what you pay for, and, given OP's situation, I would advise him to look for a girl who works at the upper end of the market.

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

Hire one that is more open minded, ask her to have a complete date with you, if you are funny and smart enough she might even enjoy it and she will not fake her emotions.

OP should hire the "Girlfriend Experience", a service for the whole night, not only for a hour.

 

[Ernest1964]

I would say that what you want is INTIMACY not sex. Sex would be nice, but the connection with the other person is the main focus, not the orgasm, am I right? If you do go for the prostitute, ask for the whole "Girlfriend Experience". It will cost a bit more, but it would include a nice date, not just the sex.

 

[KafkaF]

A lot would depend on the girl concerned. Some prostitutes are very empathic, others less so. I don't think there is anything "wrong" with casual sex. Whether or not you will find it satisfying in any particular case is very hard to predict in advance. My feeling is that you have very little to lose by giving it a try.

If you are not used to using prostitutes, please remember to treat the girl with respect. Not all clients do, and that really annoys me. (It's nothing personal. I never worked in that profession.)

My hesitance isn't about the person. And I'm not saying there's anything "wrong" with casual sex. I'm saying that I PERSONALLY have never really felt comfortable with it. For me I've only ever slept with women I was in love with and that was always how I wanted it to be. But beggars can't be choosers and I do want to have sex again and I don't HAVE a person I love right now and I may never have one again. Hence I'm conflicted.

You really don't need to ask me to treat any girl with respect... I always do that just on my own because I want to respect other people/women as human beings... I know you meant it in a positive way, but all this emphasizes to me is that you really don't know me at all and it feels a bit condescending as a result.

I would say that what you want is INTIMACY not sex. Sex would be nice, but the connection with the other person is the main focus, not the orgasm, am I right? If you do go for the prostitute, ask for the whole "Girlfriend Experience". It will cost a bit more, but it would include a nice date, not just the sex.

No, I also just want sex. The two are not mutually exclusive. And of course the connection is the main focus and not the orgasm because I can have an orgasm whenever I want. I can just masturbate if all I want is an orgasm. But what sets sex apart from masturbation is that you feel close to another person.

Again, I feel like most of the people who've responded to this aren't quite getting what my dilemma is. I just have always felt that love and sex were two sides of the same coin for me. I have always wanted to have sex only with people I love. And part of me doesn't want to break that personal boundary, while another part of me really, really wants sex. Hence I'm conflicted.

And I'm familiar with the "girlfriend experience" but I wouldn't get that. First of all because it's too expensive and I don't have the money for something like that. But secondly, it'd be fake anyway. If I'm paying for sex, I'm paying for sex. You can't pay for love or some "deeper connection" or whatever because love cannot be bought. You can only pay for the pretense of love and connection and I'm not interested in that.

 

[sserafim]

I've never had sex or been in a relationship before. I think I'll die a virgin

Same

 

[greebo6]

Why not? I mean , it doesn't matter if you are going to ctb afterwards. If it gives you a last little bit of pleasure before you go then there's no harm. If you think you won't actually enjoy it then its not really worth doing.

I have known a number of prostitutes, both female and male. (I have probably known many more, without realising what they did for a living.) Without exception, all were nice people. No doubt there are some who are not, but that is true of any profession. As with all things, you get what you pay for, and, given OP's situation, I would advise him to look for a girl who works at the upper end of the market.

 

[KafkaF]

Why not? I mean , it doesn't matter if you are going to ctb afterwards. If it gives you a last little bit of pleasure before you go then there's no harm. If you think you won't actually enjoy it then its not really worth doing.

I mean, this argument works either way. I won't remember the pleasure if I end things either. And if I do it beforehand I'll know that I stepped over this personal boundary of mine. I'm not comfortable with that either. If I die not having done that, I'll know that I stayed true to only having sex with women I loved. And I do like that idea.

 

[Quinton Coldwater]

I've never had sex or been in a committed relationship before. I think I'll die a virgin

Is that okay with you?

 

[Endisclose]

I mean, this argument works either way. I won't remember the pleasure if I end things either. And if I do it beforehand I'll know that I stepped over this personal boundary of mine. I'm not comfortable with that either. If I die not having done that, I'll know that I stayed true to only having sex with women I loved. And I do like that idea.

I've been having these thoughts too, except in my case I don't live in a country where it is legal and also I don't have the money or the balls for it. I haven't ever had sex or been in a relationship with someone in my life. I am pretty idealistic too, "was" I should say..

I visited a couple of local sites advertising such things and the feeling I got at the end of it was just revulsion and disgust. I was cringing as I was scrolling through the "offerings" on the site. If just going through that made me feel that bad, you can imagine how I'd feel during or at the end of the act.

I think this sort if thing is far likely to inflict more damage than provide any kind of succour in one's last moments especially if one is principled and idealistic.. I'd suggest you spare yourself these indignities in what might be your final moments. I am sure I'd end up feeling low and seedy for the rest of the time I remain alive if I did something like that. I thought it is better avoided.

If at all you want to have sex, I think masterbating to the image of making love with your girlfriend in your mind might be a better bet in finding what you are really looking for. You are in control here. You can imagine it to be just like last time.. plus it won't leave you feeling disgusted at yourself the way it might if you go with someone selling it.

I guess it's only natural to have these feelings when one is confronted with one's own mortality, I heard the libido went through the roof in ny in the days, months following the destruction of the twin towers.

I think broadly speaking as one nears CTB, the approach should be to find peace, calm, quiet.. So maybe soothing music, meditation, withdrawal from the world (people, social media etc..) and life (temptations like sex, food etc..) might be the way to go to help achieve a smooth transition..

 

[SexyIncél]

If I die not having done that, I'll know that I stayed true to only having sex with women I loved. And I do like that idea.

Eh, then there's a big chance you'll walk home empty. And go to bed empty

If you're gonna do it, I guess the only way to go is not to put too much seriousness onto it. It's something funny, something other than "sex". Just rubbing part of you into a gal, quite an odd thing really

Just like that whole "eating" thing we do