Venting Not showering for weeks

[fluorescentpearl]

I haven't showered in ages, I feel too depressed to, having to look at myself makes me suicidal, and the idea of standing nude in a shower makes me want to. Kill myself even more, I'm just rotting away at this point, I know it's gross and disgusting to talk about but I don't know where else to say it..

I can't go to the bathroom either, my inability to eat makes bowel movements nonexistent

I feel horrible, I guess now that SN is coming that's how I'll have to go, I don't know

I feel so gross, I hope no one will be too freaked out by me saying this all
.
I have to go shower but I don't want to, I'm so anxious and scared to enter the shower, I don't know what to do

 

[Mooncry]

Nobody ever wants to talk about the gross parts of severe depression. For me, I can usually get myself to shower every other day/every two days. Brushing my teeth is harder. I hate doing it. I get no pleasure from the act of brushing so sometimes I'll go 3 or more days without. Genuinely have no clue how some people manage to do it twice a day, or even after every meal. Hygiene can be so hard when you're mentally unwell, but I do try my best. When I know I'm gonna be going out and interacting with people, I shower and brush, but it sucks.

Also with me being autistic, being filthy and stinky is a huge sensory issue for me, so that combined with having zero willpower to be clean is a fun time indeed.

You're not alone! Many people are struggling with it to at least some degree.

 

[hughmun9]

I understand... for the past 3 months I've maybe showered once every 2 weeks, sometimes 3. When I was working I was showering every day. When you don't leave the house and don't interact with anyone the only consequence of not showering is having to stomach your own stench, but after a while your nose gets used to it...

 

[sacrilegeofsouls]

I haven't showered in ages, I feel too depressed to, having to look at myself makes me suicidal, and the idea of standing nude in a shower makes me want to. Kill myself even more, I'm just rotting away at this point, I know it's gross and disgusting to talk about but I don't know where else to say it..

I can't go to the bathroom either, my inability to eat makes bowel movements nonexistent

I feel horrible, I guess now that SN is coming that's how I'll have to go, I don't know

I feel so gross, I hope no one will be too freaked out by me saying this all
.
I have to go shower but I don't want to, I'm so anxious and scared to enter the shower, I don't know what to do

I remember when I used to be at my worst I couldn't even get up from bed or get myself to eat let alone shower it's like smallest thing feels like climbing mount everest I think what's best is to take the pressure off ease yourself into it no force no sort of commitment or expectation

 

[Ben 111]

Yeah im on the same sinking boat...its been like 3 good weeks since I last showered and I don't give Af, plenty of water is available but I just don't have the energy to stand for who knows how long cleaning this fucked up vessel..
Its literally gotten to the point where im rotting at the comfort of my own bed..
Its literally gotten to the point where im rotting at the comfort of my own bed..

 

[Amber1974!!]

I'm with you on this, I haven't showered in like a week and a half, my hair is gross, hit it with dry shampoo a couple times but it really needs to be actually washed 2 or 3 times at this point, I don't smell at all though, guess my deodorant kicks ass, Been putting it on every couple days

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I'm with you on this, I haven't showered in like a week and a half, my hair is gross, hit it with dry shampoo a couple times but it really needs to be actually washed 2 or 3 times at this point, I don't smell at all though, guess my deodorant kicks ass, Been putting it on every couple days

What deodorant is it I'm sold on it, this is good marketing

 

[Forveleth]

Have you tried something less daunting? Just splashing water on your face or wiping yourself down with a washcloth instead if a full shower can help a lot.

 

[krxbs]

You really aren't gross. This stuff is relatively common among people who are severely depressed. Especially when you're suicidal, it can get really hard to see the point in taking care of a body that isn't going to be around much longer. Obviously, it would be best to shower for the sake of your health & self-confidence, but it's okay if that's too overwhelming right now. Just know you're absolutely not uniquely disgusting in any way.

 

[meowpuppy]

,, same, bestie.. i can't shower because being alone in a closed room for 15 minutes, needing to do things.. my anxiety would go haywire. i just try not to look in the mirror too often, and douse whatever part of my body is actually causing me physical problems and not just hygienic ones.. same for brushing my teeth, but thankfully my teeth are just built different i guess because they don't yellow at all from my lack of brushing

 

[hughmun9]

something is rotten in my room and I can't figure out the source of the smell and it's driving me nuts. I get a whiff of rottenness every 30 seconds and I want to pull my hair out.

 

[Mooncry]

something is rotten in my room and I can't figure out the source of the smell and it's driving me nuts. I get a whiff of rottenness every 30 seconds and I want to pull my hair out.

Did something die in the walls?

 

[Disabledfromjump7]

I haven't showered in ages, I feel too depressed to, having to look at myself makes me suicidal, and the idea of standing nude in a shower makes me want to. Kill myself even more, I'm just rotting away at this point, I know it's gross and disgusting to talk about but I don't know where else to say it..

I can't go to the bathroom either, my inability to eat makes bowel movements nonexistent

I feel horrible, I guess now that SN is coming that's how I'll have to go, I don't know

I feel so gross, I hope no one will be too freaked out by me saying this all
.
I have to go shower but I don't want to, I'm so anxious and scared to enter the shower, I don't know what to do

Try to imagine wanting to bathe and being disabled where you can't. I think depression is just like that too. Maybe bathe because you can get in and out of tub or shower versus physically not being able to. I'm not sure what the answer is.
Maybe try to enjoy the water?

 

[summarmaya]

I haven't showered in ages, I feel too depressed to, having to look at myself makes me suicidal, and the idea of standing nude in a shower makes me want to. Kill myself even more, I'm just rotting away at this point, I know it's gross and disgusting to talk about but I don't know where else to say it..

I can't go to the bathroom either, my inability to eat makes bowel movements nonexistent

I feel horrible, I guess now that SN is coming that's how I'll have to go, I don't know

I feel so gross, I hope no one will be too freaked out by me saying this all
.
I have to go shower but I don't want to, I'm so anxious and scared to enter the shower, I don't know what to do

I hate showering too, I hate leaving my bed. I have this weird need to preform so I guess that helps me. Having a reason to shower helps I know it fucking sucks but it does help.

 

[lastappleonearth]

I haven't showered in ages, I feel too depressed to, having to look at myself makes me suicidal, and the idea of standing nude in a shower makes me want to. Kill myself even more, I'm just rotting away at this point, I know it's gross and disgusting to talk about but I don't know where else to say it..

I can't go to the bathroom either, my inability to eat makes bowel movements nonexistent

I feel horrible, I guess now that SN is coming that's how I'll have to go, I don't know

I feel so gross, I hope no one will be too freaked out by me saying this all
.
I have to go shower but I don't want to, I'm so anxious and scared to enter the shower, I don't know what to do

I've not actually been diagnosed with depression ig, but weirdly enough I never struggled with keeping up my hygiene too much. Prob cus I'm obsessed with cleanliness, which is also not that healthy and a bit exhausting. Mby im catching on straws here (idk if thats even a phrase), but u could try to reward urself with sth after showering. Idk if thatd help tho

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Try to imagine wanting to bathe and being disabled where you can't. I think depression is just like that too. Maybe bathe because you can get in and out of tub or shower versus physically not being able to. I'm not sure what the answer is.
Maybe try to enjoy the water?

The sad part is that I love being in water, I love swimming, I love the sea, I love pools, I love it all, or at least used to, yeah if I had a bath tub it'd be easier, showering isn't as therapeutic as a bath to me, but we don't have a bath tub </3 and likely never will, it's gotten a bit better recently, I was able to shower without excessive breakdowns, which I'm proud of

I've not actually been diagnosed with depression ig, but weirdly enough I never struggled with keeping up my hygiene too much. Prob cus I'm obsessed with cleanliness, which is also not that healthy and a bit exhausting. Mby im catching on straws here (idk if thats even a phrase), but u could try to reward urself with sth after showering. Idk if thatd help tho

My old "reward" for showering was cutting while my skin was soft and it was easier to destroy myself, but I don't know if I feel.. Up to cutting, as much, at least now, it feels.. Less desirable compared to something softer, I suppose, I'll have to find another reward for myself

 

[lastappleonearth]

The sad part is that I love being in water, I love swimming, I love the sea, I love pools, I love it all, or at least used to, yeah if I had a bath tub it'd be easier, showering isn't as therapeutic as a bath to me, but we don't have a bath tub </3 and likely never will, it's gotten a bit better recently, I was able to shower without excessive breakdowns, which I'm proud of

My old "reward" for showering was cutting while my skin was soft and it was easier to destroy myself, but I don't know if I feel.. Up to cutting, as much, at least now, it feels.. Less desirable compared to something softer, I suppose, I'll have to find another reward for myself

U can be proud of urself for sure. Yes, prob better to find another reward and mby try to avoid cutting as much as u can

 

[fluorescentpearl]

U can be proud of urself for sure. Yes, prob better to find another reward and mby try to avoid cutting as much as u can

Who knows what my reward could be, nothing material feels like it could be enough, with cutting I felt loved in some kind of way, a wrong way but a way nonetheless, and now having to find a replacement is leaving me a bit unsure, cus a drink or a food or a treat isn't the same if that makes sense?
And when cutting I could show it to him and get praise and love in return, I dunno, I'll have to ponder on that

 

[lastappleonearth]

Who knows what my reward could be, nothing material feels like it could be enough, with cutting I felt loved in some kind of way, a wrong way but a way nonetheless, and now having to find a replacement is leaving me a bit unsure, cus a drink or a food or a treat isn't the same if that makes sense?
And when cutting I could show it to him and get praise and love in return, I dunno, I'll have to ponder on that

I get that nothing material feels like enough, but it's better not to hurt yourself. Same with drugs and many things, cutting prob feels good only temporary and then u have to do it again. It's difficult to be kind to urself, but it's worth a try. A girl I once loved (still do tbh) used to cut herself in order to punish me ig, it broke my heart. Worst thing is that I got desensitised to it over time

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

Bathing or brushing one's teeth holds specific meanings, all linked to life in society or even simply the pleasure of being alive. Yet, at certain existential stages, these acts can seem as futile as life itself. The human body is pathetic and naturally unclean; left unwashed, it inevitably reeks. Consequently, we may clean ourselves merely out of an automatic impulse driven by the awareness that the body is repulsive. Unfortunately, it remains repulsive nonetheless. Upon death, the true essence of this thing is revealed through putrefaction. We spend our lives trying to cleanse ourselves because the notion that this is all we are disturbs us. Defecation, for instance, is disgusting—a daily reminder of our essential nature.