Venting Not having attempted to CTB before makes me feel like im faking it all

[ultradespair]

Cant get over the feeling that im faking my depression and suicidal thoughts for attention/to use as an excuse even though ive been experiencing them for over 7 years now.

In the back of my mind I feel like if I at least attempted it would make it "real" even though I know thats not right

 

[getoutgirl]

You are right in knowing deep down that's not true.
Depression makes you think these things, doubt yourself and find ways to use even the pain against you. Can make you feel an impostor of your suicidality if it never materialized in an attempt. But it is still very real, you know that.
Your struggle is valid and real, no attempt would make it more real. If you can, be glad that you haven't had to go through one, probably for the best, they are not nice experiences. But I also fully get where these feelings come from and that desire to have had one to validate all of it... Just do your best whenever you can to not listen to it. You are right, it's lies, and they can get loud some days. Hard to beat them when you are still dealing with this.
An attempt cannot show nor contain what going through 7 years of suicidal depression actually feels like. It's a lot more. If you needed a reminder here is one.
Take care <3

 

[ultradespair]

You are right in knowing deep down that's not true.
Depression makes you think these things, doubt yourself and find ways to use even the pain against you. Can make you feel an impostor of your suicidality if it never materialized in an attempt. But it is still very real, you know that.
Your struggle is valid and real, no attempt would make it more real. If you can, be glad that you haven't had to go through one, probably for the best, they are not nice experiences. But I also fully get where these feelings come from and that desire to have had one to validate all of it... Just do your best whenever you can to not listen to it. You are right, it's lies, and they can get loud some days. Hard to beat them when you are still dealing with this.
An attempt cannot show nor contain what going through 7 years of suicidal depression actually feels like. It's a lot more. If you needed a reminder here is one.
Take care <3

Thank you for the validation I was really having a horrible time tonight