Venting Not even suicidal anymore

[hoppybunny]

I'm honestly not even suicidal at all anymore. If i kill myself now it will be because i lost hope that anyone will hire me. I'll just never be able to move out at this point. Literally tried everything my only options are warehouse or move out rn with the job i hate, be cut off from my family and live with strangers or continue to suffer at home.

This is just shit. I have so mang thongs i want to do and this looming oppressive weight of not having a job is blocking everything

I want to make friends, and hang out with ppl and spend my own fucking money without bei g being and yelled at by my parents. Drive myself to work. Not have people constantly threaten to take my car away from me or throw all my things away.

I'm not even attracted to other people but I'm literally a grown ass adult and have never been on a date. I want to just try it for the experience or to see if I'll change my mind and i don't even have the option.

I hate being trapped with my parents my life is just wasting away

And i hate that my other option are just a different kind of suffering

Literally all it would take is one oerson just giving me a job. And I'm not even asking for a 100k coding job or whatever just a job that pays enough to live alone.

I hate this so much.

I just complain about the same things everyday.

My whole routine is sleep, apply to jobs, go to work, cry, complain, eat the same shit everyday cause I'm not allowed to have anything else or buy my own food, get yelled at, try to yse my useless brain and study for a certification that probably won't help my job prospects, reschedule my exam again, read rejection emaols, cry, scroll through social media and webtoons and just repeat over and over again.

It's been a fucking year since i graduated. This is so unfair. I'm sick of this.

 

[Musiclover338]

try security jobs, having a horrible job sucks ass and makes u want to harm yourself and lose hope.

some security companies will pay for ur licenses classes. My first security job (i lost by being dumb lol) all i did was clock in to work and sit for 8 hours and play video games on my laptop (lost it cuz i started clocking in and going back to my apartment to go to sleep lol) . look into securitas or allied universal if u dont like it u can always find another warehouse job

had one recently that paid 23 an hour but lost that by also being dumb and they wanted me gone anyway cuz i was lazy ( i didnt call them and tell them i was going to be late)

 

[hoppybunny]

try security jobs, having a horrible job sucks ass and makes u want to harm yourself and lose hope.

some security companies will pay for ur licenses classes. My first security job (i lost by being dumb lol) all i did was clock in to work and sit for 8 hours and play video games on my laptop (lost it cuz i started clocking in and going back to my apartment to go to sleep lol) . look into securitas or allied universal if u dont like it u can always find another warehouse job

had one recently that paid 23 an hour but lost that by also being dumb and they wanted me gone anyway cuz i was lazy ( i didnt call them and tell them i was going to be late)

Thank you for the advice.

 

[Red.one]

Hi! I lost my job twice this year. The job I loved deeply, it was just sitty bosses and miscommunications (and my ADHD as I was told). I'm 27, living with my mom, my 3 cats, dog and my 80yo grandpa (who's really giving me a hard time, and me telling myself over and over again I should not feel bad cos his old and out of his mind, is actually not helping).

I'm feeling like a failure. I totally know that my depression is so bad that I physically can't take a full time job, even if I found one (and it's not easy task).

So... I totally get what you feel. I can only advise you, that indulging yourself in this "omg, I'm an adult and still living with my parents and I can find a job and that means I'm just jadajadajadajada"... It's not going to help.

Depression is an illness. You wouldn't blame yourself about not being able to run if you had a broken leg. Be kind to yourself and cherish every small thing you achieve. Even if this small thing is doing the dishes, sending another CV or just getting up and taking a shower.

Start from small, basic things. Try to make yourself feel better and then go for bigger "monsters".

Text me if you need to talk! I know how this kind of feelings can crush you down and I find a lot of similarities to my own situation in what you talk about.

 

[hoppybunny]

Hi! I lost my job twice this year. The job I loved deeply, it was just sitty bosses and miscommunications (and my ADHD as I was told). I'm 27, living with my mom, my 3 cats, dog and my 80yo grandpa (who's really giving me a hard time, and me telling myself over and over again I should not feel bad cos his old and out of his mind, is actually not helping).

I'm feeling like a failure. I totally know that my depression is so bad that I physically can't take a full time job, even if I found one (and it's not easy task).

So... I totally get what you feel. I can only advise you, that indulging yourself in this "omg, I'm an adult and still living with my parents and I can find a job and that means I'm just jadajadajadajada"... It's not going to help.

Depression is an illness. You wouldn't blame yourself about not being able to run if you had a broken leg. Be kind to yourself and cherish every small thing you achieve. Even if this small thing is doing the dishes, sending another CV or just getting up and taking a shower.

Start from small, basic things. Try to make yourself feel better and then go for bigger "monsters".

Text me if you need to talk! I know how this kind of feelings can crush you down and I find a lot of similarities to my own situation in what you talk about.

So sorry about ur job loss. And thank you for the kind words. I know that depression is definitely ruining my brain capacity but I'm just upset that the one thing i need to help overcome it, i can't have. Like my depression isn't really a self esteem issue but caused by being around my parents and i just can't get a job.

I do hope u can find a job that can support u and isn't badly affected by your mental health!!

 

[WPeregrine]

It really sucks, but what will not help you is giving up hope. Reinforcing that tought of "I need a Job but I can't have it", will unconsciously radiate out from your attitude, which will make it a self fulfilling prophecy.

I know its hard to stay positive when application after application gets rejected, but the belief that you cannot get a job is not going to help you.

You graduated, so you are capable. Repeat that as many times in your head as you need to belief it (its factual, not a lie!). And then project that confidence outwards when applying for Jobs. It will not guarantee much in a bad job market, but it will help your chances. A bad job market is always going to be a struggle, but that does not say anything about you as a person, so don't let that kill your sense of self worth!

 

[Hvergelmir]

You graduated, so you are capable.

That's actually brilliant in its simplicity and undeniable factuality.

 

[juna]

The job market is so bad. It is not your fault. Depression is never anyone's fault. Living with people who stress you is horrible. I lost my job too.
Try a warehouse job and see if it can pay your rents. You don't need a lot to live in a small place, perhaps. I live in a super small apartment too. I don't know what rents are in your city but maybe try a bit of calculation. Maybe it could work! And in the meantime, keep searching for your software job too.
Job does not define your worth. It is just a tool to pay bills. I had a software job and It was so stressful that I hated it. I used to imagine quitting it and just taking a physical job. But I got laid off instead and still searching.
I feel all jobs today are horrible. Need to find one that is somewhat sufferable. At the end of the day, life is about doing what makes you happy...
Hope you will be okay.