Not coping since police took my SN away

[thefaunasystem]

This is a vent i guess. I think i'm losing my mind. I had a whole plan, had everything i needed to do the job and to do it well and the police got in the way of everything.

I've got this crippling sense of dread. I can't live much longer like this and my peaceful option is gone. I don't want my last memories to be turning into a splat on the floor but at this point it feels like my only option. I have no foolproof jump locations anymore and I don't have the finances to try buying more SN in the hopes it shows up. I don't have the money to travel anywhere that I know would kill me. I've considered hanging but I have a crazy amount of trauma wround strangulation and I genuinely don't think I can do it.

Considering getting as drunk as possible, taking a load of lorazepam and drowing myself in the river but worry it will be neither effective or peaceful. Even considered stealing amytriptaline from my only friends house but I couldn't do that to her. Brains going really fast, and I can't slow it down. I don't want to do anything impulsive and risk it not working or becoming disabled but I can't tolerate any more of feeling this way.

 

[EmptyBottle]

Crap.

How did the police seize it? Did they knock on the door, or shove themselves in without anyone opening the door? Did they ask about it, did they see it on a shelf, or rummage till they found it?

 

[wham311]

Was it DMC?

You don't want to try another source?

 

[SadBumblebee]

Crap.

How did the police seize it? Did they knock on the door, or shove themselves in without anyone opening the door? Did they ask about it, did they see it on a shelf, or rummage till they found it?

I don't know too much about police procedure but they could be performing a welfare check and found the SA on their person or in their house if they are allowed to go in during a WC

 

[EmptyBottle]

I don't know too much about police procedure but they could be performing a welfare check and found the SA on their person or in their house if they are allowed to go in during a WC

Ah.

 

[starboy2k]

oh fuck that. if the pigs tried to take my hard earned SN, I would literally do whatever I can to them to make them kill me. Either I die by SN or "suicide by cop", not letting those swine fuck my great escape.

 

[wham311]

I fucking threw mine out when I got a check.

oh fuck that. if the pigs tried to take my hard earned SN, I would literally do whatever I can to them to make them kill me. Either I die by SN or "suicide by cop", not letting those swine fuck my great escape.

 

[thefaunasystem]

Was it DMC?

You don't want to try another source?

it wasn't DMC. it was an industrial source, triggered a welfare check when i ordered it apparently. i thought it probably would trigger a welfare check but they showed up 2 days after it arrived - really thought i've have more time, at least a few weeks from seeing others experiences on here. and they turned up whilst i was doing tests on it using my blood so you can imagine how that looked. i have a fairly extensive mental health history and they told me they would break the door down if i didn't open it for them. no idea if they actually would have legally been able to do that but was scared enough to open the door to them. was in full fight or flight mode and didn't think to hide it. really really should have hidden it

I fucking threw mine out when I got a check.

panic makes us do mad things lol. i bolted out the door so damn fast the moment they came inside, didn't end well

Crap.

How did the police seize it? Did they knock on the door, or shove themselves in without anyone opening the door? Did they ask about it, did they see it on a shelf, or rummage till they found it?

the company i ordered from called a welfare check. thought id have way longer until anyone came sniffing but it took them literally 2 days. they knocked on when i was in the middle of doing the blood purity test thingy so obviously initially didn't open the door to them, thought they'd leave, but when they started threatening to knock the door down if i didn't answer, i just cut my losses and let them in. very quickly ended up running away from them (fight or flight) which never ends well. they took it from my flat after i ran away.

 

[wham311]

it wasn't DMC. it was an industrial source, triggered a welfare check when i ordered it apparently. i thought it probably would trigger a welfare check but they showed up 2 days after it arrived - really thought i've have more time, at least a few weeks from seeing others experiences on here. and they turned up whilst i was doing tests on it using my blood so you can imagine how that looked. i have a fairly extensive mental health history and they told me they would break the door down if i didn't open it for them. no idea if they actually would have legally been able to do that but was scared enough to open the door to them. was in full fight or flight mode and didn't think to hide it. really really should have hidden it

panic makes us do mad things lol. i bolted out the door so damn fast the moment they came inside, didn't end well

the company i ordered from called a welfare check. thought id have way longer until anyone came sniffing but it took them literally 2 days. they knocked on when i was in the middle of doing the blood purity test thingy so obviously initially didn't open the door to them, thought they'd leave, but when they started threatening to knock the door down if i didn't answer, i just cut my losses and let them in. very quickly ended up running away from them (fight or flight) which never ends well. they took it from my flat after i ran away.

How long ago? UK?

I wonder what triggered it

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand finding it so dreadful to exist, it's just so cruel and horrible to me how people deny others the option to never suffer ever again and force them to suffer, I find it so painful how I cannot just have the option to die peacefully in an guaranteed way, I'm sorry you have to go through that, it really sounds like you've suffered so much, I hope you find peace.