Venting Not being loved hurts so fucking much

[Aknu132]

I so badly want to not feel this way, I wish I could be a person without feelings, I wish I only had the will to kill myself. Wanting to be loved hurts too much. Why exist if it's just to live alone? I hate that I was brought into this world. Having to make the decision to finally die is very difficult, but staying alive is too. How long will I be stuck in this loop? This cruel world, so many people suffering... I don't know how to explain what it's like to have depression, but seeing people in this forum who, like me, also want to die, i think we're feeling the same thing, the same bad feeling that never goes away. It hurts a lot. It's a shame that we were brought into this world just to suffer, i wish so much that i never been born.

 

[thefirstluminary]

 

[tonicer]

If i had a girlfriend who loves me i wouldn't be on this forum to begin with. I wish i wasn't this ugly and weird.

 

[Aknu132]

If i had a girlfriend who loves me i wouldn't be on this forum to begin with. I wish i wasn't this ugly and weird.

I understand you, I'm an ugly person too. If I had a girlfriend or a true friend, I probably wouldn't be wanting to die, even though I have other problems in my life besides loneliness. But having someone with me to help me face life's obstacles would be perfect. Trying to improve completely alone seems impossible for me, and even if I improve my problems, I still don't know if I'll be able to find someone who truly understands me and with whom we can love each other. Everyone nowadays seems to already have someone, and when we find someone online, that person lives very far away from us. Making you have to be rich to be able to see that person.

 

[Sharly]

It might not help, but to be honest, not having feelings isn't much better.
I've been feeling numb and empty due to chronic depression, without need for much social interactions or love, but it doesn't help or get better.

On my side of the spectrum, once all feelings are close to empty, well, nothing matters anymore, thus you want to end it as well.
You simply no longer feel the lack of things, things just don't exists and life is no longer worth it.

 

[Aknu132]

It might not help, but to be honest, not having feelings isn't much better.
I've been feeling numb and empty due to chronic depression, without need for much social interactions or love, but it doesn't help or get better.

On my side of the spectrum, once all feelings are close to empty, well, nothing matters anymore, thus you want to end it as well.
You simply no longer feel the lack of things, things just don't exists and life is no longer worth it.

Everyone is different, but there was a time when I couldn't have fun or feel anything, and it was during that time that I tried CTB, but I ended up trying OD, so failure was bound to happen. Nowadays I feel a lot, I want to do so many things, but my physical health (not only looks) and loneliness are pulling me down, but not enough for CTB.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i pray that one day soon you can find someone who will be there for you. its statistically impossible that theres nobody

 

[Aknu132]

i pray that one day soon you can find someone who will be there for you. its statistically impossible that theres nobody

I also think there must be someone out there who accepts us the way we are, the problem is, as I said, usually that person will live very far away and unless you have the money to go to them, then it will only remain that online relationship. It's better than nothing, but it certainly doesn't seem enough to move forward. I really want to hug and be hugged, hold someone's hand, see someone who understands me, face to face, see a smile, look into their eyes, hear the voice of someone who loves me. This emptiness of being chronically online is awful, I can't take it anymore. I pray for you too, we'll find someone, all we have left is hope, at least until SI ends and we CTB. I hope there's an afterlife and that we can be with someone to love us there.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

I also think there must be someone out there who accepts us the way we are, the problem is, as I said, usually that person will live very far away and unless you have the money to go to them, then it will only remain that online relationship. It's better than nothing, but it certainly doesn't seem enough to move forward. I really want to hug and be hugged, hold someone's hand, see someone who understands me, face to face, see a smile, look into their eyes, hear the voice of someone who loves me. This emptiness of being chronically online is awful, I can't take it anymore. I pray for you too, we'll find someone, all we have left is hope, at least until SI ends and we CTB. I hope there's an afterlife and that we can be with someone to love us there.

indeed. its like a cruel, painful version of the fermi paradox. theres 8 billion people out there, its statistically impossible that not a single one of those 8 billion people loves you. but at the same time, its also likely that since theres so many and the world is so big, we may never meet that person.

 

[Aknu132]

indeed. its like a cruel, painful version of the fermi paradox. theres 8 billion people out there, its statistically impossible that not a single one of those 8 billion people loves you. but at the same time, its also likely that since theres so many and the world is so big, we may never meet that person.

Yes, when we start thinking about it, it seems like the chances of actually finding that person are very low. CTB starts to seem so appealing, to end this awful suffering of feeling alone, maybe it's better to just accept that we'll never find love and move on to death. Staying alive hurts so much.