hereandthere13
why me?
- Sep 14, 2023
- 155
i dont do anything with my life. like nothing. i had a job interview today (decent job but horrible pay) but ended up canceling with the excuse that i found another job already. i just have no motivation to do anything. im enrolled in online school but i have an F in one of my classes and my parents would be so angry if i dropped it, like ive done in the past. ill probably end up doing it anyways and face the consequences. otherwise i know i want to finish college and will try hard in the classes i do well in. what i mean is that when i begin to fail or feel like im not doing enough to be successful, then its much easier for me to say "fuck all, i dont care anymore". i wish i didnt have this mindset but ive been this way my entire life. i wanted to be a singer, and actor, an artist, etc. when i was a kid and even took lessons but met the same problem of thinking im not good enough. i dont do anything all day. sit around all day at kava bars watching movies or finishing college assignments 15 minutes before they're due. scrolling through social media makes me so sad to the point where ill be depressed for days. im constantly comparing myself to celebrities that seem to have it all, or are doing those things i mentioned that i had wanted to do in my childhood. its just so hard. life is pointless. i wish i had that drive. or was born with talent. or lived in a nicer area with lots of opportunities. but i just dont. and thats why i want to CTB.