Venting no value

[batmanreal]

everyone just moves on so easily. i never mattered in the first place. at best, i'm just a single step in some people's lives. i'm only there to get them to someone better. why can't i just matter to someone? i'll never know what it's like to be meaningful to someone. i'm going to die without that experience or feeling. and i mean, genuinely meaningful. not just someone who's there when no one else was available. i want to be adored and valued, i want at least one person to feel something when i finally blow my brains out. i won't even be a thought in the back of anyone's mind, and even if i am, it'll go away the moment someone else enters their life. i wish i could understand what makes me so worthless and why it's so easy for people to replace me and move on from me. it hurts so much, i can't breathe, i just want to drop dead now.
even as a decaying corpse with a bullet in my head, i won't really cross anyone's mind.

 

[58Alice85]

The people around you will never have these kind of feelings for anyone in their life. No adoration, love and so on.
They will maybe achieve some vague companionship for a while, before they betray or hurt each other.
If you start discussing this they will claim love does not exist.
I see only disgusting people around me. I wish for a lover, but he doesn't exist in this world.
I refuse to love these disgusting people.
Better to just kill myself

 

[batmanreal]

The people around you will never have these kind of feelings for anyone in their life. No adoration, love and so on.
They will maybe achieve some vague companionship for a while, before they betray or hurt each other.
If you start discussing this they will claim love does not exist.
I see only disgusting people around me. I wish for a lover, but he doesn't exist in this world.
I refuse to love these disgusting people.
Better to just kill myself

i feel like these people are capable of love and adoration, i'm sure they're experiencing it. it just seems that no one is capable of feeling that way towards me. i've felt love and adoration towards some people; for some, i still felt that way towards them even after they hurt me. it's pretty pathetic, but still. no one genuinely feels those things when it comes to me, though.
i also wish for a lover. i want to live a life where i'm being loved unconditionally, by a lover, friends, and family. that life just isn't possible for me, though. i'm tired of trying to establish connections, people are just so horrible. i just need to die. i can't live like this, i can't live while being so unloved.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sadly, I think it's luck some of the time. To happen to meet someone where both your needs and supply perfectly align. That's how I tend to see relationships really- transactional and based on reciprocation. To find that balance though- I think can be kind of rare. I have been lucky to find it once or twice. In some cases, more just flickers of connection. Even with a best friendship though- it hasn't ultimately lasted and it was on the verge of heart breaking to lose.

I think some of the issue might be where we look for friendship. Do these people have anything in common with us? My better friendships were made with people at uni- where we were both interested in the same subject.

There again, I've gone through limerence a few times (obsessive crushes on guys,) so, I also know what it's like to adore someone who feels nothing back. I'm sorry.