no one cared or will care.

[thedevilwithin]

it's been a decade and i still have flashbacks of being that little innocent boy being taken advantage of. that's where everything went down hill. the feeling of trying to sleep that night, the chills, the hallucinations of seeing his face in the window afterwards. that broke me and my inner child has never recovered. as a man today it angers me. no one gave a fuck. they knew he did that to other boys and watched me go with him. i suffered and lived in torment. if i had the opportunity to see him now or any sick fuck who'd hurt a child, i'd tear their fucking head off.

this is the first time i've spoken about this. i don't even know how to feel. it doesn't fucking help. as a man, i can confidently say, no one gives a fuck about our struggles. no one.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry and appalled this happened to you. People should care. I think some do but obviously, not anyone who could have helped you. I find it devastating when these abuses are revealed. A children's home close to where I grew up was exposed for a history of abuse. It's terrifying to think all of that was going on just around the corner. It was so sad to see the now adults being interviewed. It had clearly and understandably had such a profound affect on their lives.

How someone can do that, I just don't know. They must realise it's very likely going to ruin that person's life. I do actually feel genuinely bad for peadophiles that they have those desires but- to act on them in any way- even watching child porn- how can they justify hurting someone like that?

It's understandable this has affected you so deeply and I think you're brave for sharing it.

 

[thedevilwithin]

i watched and saved CSAM a year ago , it was not intentional , i wasnt looking for it but i watched it , if i could i let you beat me to death

if you weren't intentionally looking for it why would you continue to watch and save it? do you understand how that sounds?

I'm so sorry and appalled this happened to you. People should care. I think some do but obviously, not anyone who could have helped you. I find it devastating when these abuses are revealed. A children's home close to where I grew up was exposed for a history of abuse. It's terrifying to think all of that was going on just around the corner. It was so sad to see the now adults being interviewed. It had clearly and understandably had such a profound affect on their lives.

How someone can do that, I just don't know. They must realise it's very likely going to ruin that person's life. I do actually feel genuinely bad for peadophiles that they have those desires but- to act on them in any way- even watching child porn- how can they justify hurting someone like that?

It's understandable this has affected you so deeply and I think you're brave for sharing it.

thank you for your kindness. i'm usually a very numb person, but your words bring tears to my eyes.

i don't understand it either. i get that those sick bastards don't choose that but it's hard to feel any sympathy towards them. they are a waste of oxygen in my eyes.

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

if you weren't intentionally looking for it why would you continue to watch and save it? do you understand how that sounds?

thank you for your kindness. i'm usually a very numb person, but your words bring tears to my eyes.

i don't understand it either. i get that those sick bastards don't choose that but it's hard to feel any sympathy towards them. they are a waste of oxygen in my eyes.

it was not intentional, my cloud backup was in automatic , i saw it , even if i closed it inmediatly that doesnt change anything of cuourse i know it souns bad , i just want to die i dont want to be pubished or feel pain or torment but if i can make someone feel better by signing off then i do it

 

[thedevilwithin]

it was not intentional, my cloud backup was in automatic , i saw it , even if i closed it inmediatly that doesnt change anything of cuourse i know it souns bad , i just want to die i dont want to be pubished or feel pain or torment but if i can make someone feel better by signing off then i do it

if it wasn't on purpose and you don't enjoy evil shit like that i sympathize with you. i'm sorry you had to see that. it's horrific. just saw your post about 4chan.

 

[lastexit717@proton.]

if it wasn't on purpose and you don't enjoy evil shit like that i sympathize with you. i'm sorry you had to see that. it's horrific. just saw your post about 4chan.

if it wasn't on purpose and you don't enjoy evil shit like that i sympathize with you. i'm sorry you had to see that. it's horrific. just saw your post about 4chan.

When you heard in the news someone was killed while resisting arrest for CSAM , you will know im no more

 

[Meteora]

.... what you write is so endlessly sad... Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you..... how to encourage you.... I think for men it is even worse to be assaulted in that way....I don't know. But I've been through a lot of shit, too and nobody, til this day, cares. Sending you a hug, if you want, and you are brave talking about it .

__________________________________________________

i watched and saved CSAM a year ago , it was not intentional , i wasnt looking for it but i watched it , if i could i let you beat me to death

Do you really think it is appropriate to talk about that here? Have you read what the OP just said? I suggest you you silence your conciousness somewhere else.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I hope you find the peace you deserveand freedom from you're circumstance
and suffering

it's been a decade and i still have flashbacks of being that little innocent boy being taken advantage of. that's where everything went down hill. the feeling of trying to sleep that night, the chills, the hallucinations of seeing his face in the window afterwards. that broke me and my inner child has never recovered. as a man today it angers me. no one gave a fuck. they knew he did that to other boys and watched me go with him. i suffered and lived in torment. if i had the opportunity to see him now or any sick fuck who'd hurt a child, i'd tear their fucking head off.

this is the first time i've spoken about this. i don't even know how to feel. it doesn't fucking help. as a man, i can confidently say, no one gives a fuck about our struggles. no one.

i watched and saved CSAM a year ago , it was not intentional , i wasnt looking for it but i watched it , if i could i let you beat me to death

What's CSAM?!

 

[thedevilwithin]

.... what you write is so endlessly sad... Unfortunately, I don't know what to tell you..... how to encourage you.... I think for men it is even worse to be assaulted in that way....I don't know. But I've been through a lot of shit, too and nobody, til this day, cares. Sending you a hug, if you want, and you are brave talking about it .

__________________________________________________



Do you really think it is appropriate to talk about that here? Have you read what the OP just said? I suggest you you silence your conciousness somewhere else.

thank you for your kind words. i'm sure it's hard for anyone. however, with men it's overlooked unfortunately. of course i accept your hug and i'm very sorry for your own troubles. life is strange, to say the least.

I hope you find the peace you deserveand freedom from you're circumstance
and suffering


What's CSAM?!

thank you, i truly appreciate it.

CSAM - child sexual abuse material.

 

[yearsoflonliness]

That's another reason why I'm going to ctb. Nobody cares about men. We're disposable. We're told to just deal with it and shut up. I don't want to live in a world where people don't care about me just because of my gender.

I really feel for you. That's so god damn sad nobody spoke up for you.

 

[melancholymallory03]

I'm so sorry and appalled this happened to you. People should care. I think some do but obviously, not anyone who could have helped you. I find it devastating when these abuses are revealed. A children's home close to where I grew up was exposed for a history of abuse. It's terrifying to think all of that was going on just around the corner. It was so sad to see the now adults being interviewed. It had clearly and understandably had such a profound affect on their lives.

How someone can do that, I just don't know. They must realise it's very likely going to ruin that person's life. I do actually feel genuinely bad for peadophiles that they have those desires but- to act on them in any way- even watching child porn- how can they justify hurting someone like that?

It's understandable this has affected you so deeply and I think you're brave for sharing it.

@lastexit717@proton. I'll beaytyoutodeayh)
WHAT KIND OF SICK AND MORBID SHIT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ONLINE TO STUMBLE ACROSS THIS KIND OF VIDEOS I AM ENRAGED THIS IS NOT SOMETHING SOMEONE JUST STUMBLES UPON ON THE SURFACE LEVEL INTERNET I DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF SICK SHIT YOU ARE ALREADY LOOKING AT BUT GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ATMOSPHERE FOR THE SAFETY OF CHILDREN YOU SICK SICK FUCK
This is disgusting I hope they ctb honestly or remove themselves completely from the internet I don't find this acceptable in any way of comparable to a mental illness at all I don't care no matter how many people try to normalize these urges it's not normal and I hope these people never see the lighg of day
I hope they do feel ashamed!!!! And I hope they end there suffering before the inflict it on anyone else. You fucking sick weirdos. If I had your address …. Lmaoooo……….i don't give a flying shit about pedophiless get the fuck out of here

any pedophile would be doing the rest of us a favour I don't care how awful this makes me sound :) you are awful I hate you.

 

[Meteora]

thank you for your kind words. i'm sure it's hard for anyone. however, with men it's overlooked unfortunately. of course i accept your hug and i'm very sorry for your own troubles. life is strange, to say the least.

Yeah that is possible. It is hard for everyone. I think the worst part is if no one reacts although they see it. That is really, really tough. Because we remain believing that it was somehow ok.
________________________________________

WHAT KIND OF SICK AND MORBID SHIT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ONLINE TO STUMBLE ACROSS THIS KIND OF VIDEOS I AM ENRAGED THIS IS NOT SOMETHING SOMEONE JUST STUMBLES UPON ON THE SURFACE LEVEL INTERNET I DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF SICK SHIT YOU ARE ALREADY LOOKING AT BUT GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ATMOSPHERE FOR THE SAFETY OF CHILDREN YOU SICK SICK FUCK

True words, you don't just stumble upon something like that. It is sickening.

 

[Forever Sleep]

@lastexit717@proton. I'll beaytyoutodeayh)
WHAT KIND OF SICK AND MORBID SHIT ARE YOU LOOKING AT ONLINE TO STUMBLE ACROSS THIS KIND OF VIDEOS I AM ENRAGED THIS IS NOT SOMETHING SOMEONE JUST STUMBLES UPON ON THE SURFACE LEVEL INTERNET I DONT KNOW WHAT KIND OF SICK SHIT YOU ARE ALREADY LOOKING AT BUT GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS ATMOSPHERE FOR THE SAFETY OF CHILDREN YOU SICK SICK FUCK
This is disgusting I hope they ctb honestly or remove themselves completely from the internet I don't find this acceptable in any way of comparable to a mental illness at all I don't care no matter how many people try to normalize these urges it's not normal and I hope these people never see the lighg of day
I hope they do feel ashamed!!!! And I hope they end there suffering before the inflict it on anyone else. You fucking sick weirdos. If I had your address …. Lmaoooo……….i don't give a flying shit about pedophiless get the fuck out of here

any pedophile would be doing the rest of us a favour I don't care how awful this makes me sound :) you are awful I hate you.

I'm not a paedophile and I'm not normalising it at all. The programme I saw was a news report/documentary on a local children's home. It wasn't anything nefarious. It was exposing the truth about the organisation. Are you responding to the right post here?

I'm saying I feel bad for people who have desires to hurt others. That doesn't mean I endorse them acting on those desires IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER. Please will you reread my original post and understand that I am completely on the side of the victims and the OP. I'm utterly appalled and sickened when these stories come to light. Worse- that people knowingly let these things go on- including the police. I believe that hurting children is one of the most vile acts a person can commit.

 

[thedevilwithin]

I'm not a paedophile and I'm not normalising it at all. The programme I saw was a news report/documentary on a local children's home. It wasn't anything nefarious. It was exposing the truth about the organisation. Are you responding to the right post here?

I'm saying I feel bad for people who have desires to hurt others. That doesn't mean I endorse them acting on those desires IN ANY FORM WHATSOEVER. Please will you reread my original post and understand that I am completely on the side of the victims and the OP. I'm utterly appalled and sickened when these stories come to light. Worse- that people knowingly let these things go on- including the police. I believe that hurting children is one of the most vile acts a person can commit.

i'm pretty certain they were talking to that other person who said they viewed CSAM.

 

[Forever Sleep]

i'm pretty certain they were talking to that other person who said they viewed CSAM.

I hope so. I don't even know what CSAM is and I definitely don't appreciate being misunderstood like that. Like I say, I think it's a horrific crime. One of the worst out there. I'm so sorry OP. Have you ever reached out to other people who may have been affected by them?

 

[thedevilwithin]

I hope so. I don't even know what CSAM is and I definitely don't appreciate being misunderstood like that. Like I say, I think it's a horrific crime. One of the worst out there. I'm so sorry OP. Have you ever reached out to other people who may have been affected by them?

CSAM = child sexual abuse material

i've spoken to a few people who have been also impacted by abuse anonymously. sometimes people just need someone to listen. i don't think i'll ever come out and speak publicly about it though. i wouldn't say i'm ashamed about it, but it is something i feel the need to toss in a dark corner.

 

[Forever Sleep]

CSAM = child sexual abuse material

i've spoken to a few people who have been also impacted by abuse anonymously. sometimes people just need someone to listen. i don't think i'll ever come out and speak publicly about it though. i wouldn't say i'm ashamed about it, but it is something i feel the need to toss in a dark corner.

You shouldn't be ashamed of it. It was the complete shit of an adults fault but it can't be easy to talk about. Were they ever brought to justice?

 

[Meteora]

@Forever Sleep nobody quoted you.

 

[Forever Sleep]

@Forever Sleep nobody quoted you.

I probably misunderstood then- their post was in reply to my post but I can now see they added the other members name.

 

[thedevilwithin]

You shouldn't be ashamed of it. It was the complete shit of an adults fault but it can't be easy to talk about. Were they ever brought to justice?

unfortunately no, well i don't think so. this happened overseas.

 

[PrincessMeow]

I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry, OP. The thought of a horrible man abusing a child just made me want to throw up in my mouth. Why are these disgusting Satan's minions not suicidal. Why is it always nice and innocent people like you and many others on this forum who suffer. I hope you find the strength and courage to heal. Hugs to you man .

 

[FuneralCry]

That really is so horrible, it disgusts me how some humans cause so much suffering. But anyway best wishes.

 

[thedevilwithin]

I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry, OP. The thought of a horrible man abusing a child just made me want to throw up in my mouth. Why are these disgusting Satan's minions not suicidal. Why is it always nice and innocent people like you and many others on this forum who suffer. I hope you find the strength and courage to heal. Hugs to you man .

thank you for your kind words i wish they'd all disappear off the face of the earth. waste of oxygen.

That really is so horrible, it disgusts me how some humans cause so much suffering. But anyway best wishes.

thank you

 

[d-tea]

I'm so sorry. People can be extremely dismissive of men struggling, especially with SA, and it's a horrible thing about current society. Just know you're not alone in struggling with that and also that there are a ton of people, including me, who do care. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[thedevilwithin]

I'm so sorry. People can be extremely dismissive of men struggling, especially with SA, and it's a horrible thing about current society. Just know you're not alone in struggling with that and also that there are a ton of people, including me, who do care. I hope you find the peace you deserve.

ty for your kind words

 

[3/4Dead]

Hearing other guys talk about their experiences with SA almost makes me shudder every time. I don't talk about it very often, especially since my situation wasn't very serious, I think in part its because I'm pretty uninterested in experiencing the real response to it. I would hate to see what it feels like to see someone else's experience taken seriously and then have to compare it to my own, and find gender is the difference. I pretty much just supress the entire situation as a whole in part because of this. Hardly ever think about it.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I can't imagine how much that sucks.

 

[untothedepths]

I'm so sorry you went through that. I know exactly how you feel. I've been sexually abused as a child for much of my younger years. You didn't deserve it.

 

[thedevilwithin]

Hearing other guys talk about their experiences with SA almost makes me shudder every time. I don't talk about it very often, especially since my situation wasn't very serious, I think in part its because I'm pretty uninterested in experiencing the real response to it. I would hate to see what it feels like to see someone else's experience taken seriously and then have to compare it to my own, and find gender is the difference. I pretty much just supress the entire situation as a whole in part because of this. Hardly ever think about it.

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. I can't imagine how much that sucks.

thank you brother i do the same. i hide it and throw it away in a dark corner within myself. sometimes i won't even think about it, but when i do it's torment. i remember my younger self in that torment.

wishing you peace my friend.

I'm so sorry you went through that. I know exactly how you feel. I've been sexually abused as a child for much of my younger years. You didn't deserve it.

i'm sorry you can relate because i would wish that on no one. you didn't deserve that either and i'm very sorry. it's truly heartbreaking…

be well, my friend.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

True. As a man we're just expected to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and deal with pain in silence or your not a real man. Cant tell your girlfriend because she'll think you're not a man, cant tell friends, because there are none. Cant seek help because they'll lock you up in some crazy house. Everyone assigned to "help" is just doing it for a paycheck and dont give a fuck. Im done with this bullshit fake ass world. Sorry to hear about what you went through, id help you kick his ass!!

 

[thedevilwithin]

True. As a man we're just expected to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps and deal with pain in silence or your not a real man. Cant tell your girlfriend because she'll think you're not a man, cant tell friends, because there are none. Cant seek help because they'll lock you up in some crazy house. Everyone assigned to "help" is just doing it for a paycheck and dont give a fuck. Im done with this bullshit fake ass world. Sorry to hear about what you went through, id help you kick his ass!!

truer words have never been spoken my man. last sentence made me chuckle lol and i'd happily accept. as a brother i see you man. be well.