Me and my gf recently broke up after being together for three years, one full year long distant bc I had to move back in with my parents bc of our financial issues and the first two years she didn't have a job. She found out I cheated on my birthday I accidentally sent her a picture of a bikini. I can't do anything write, I lost all my businesses I haven't had one good year in my 30's. She doesn't understand I made a mistake bc I was lonely , she's ignoring me. I'm not blocked yet surprisingly but she isn't picking up my calls or returning text. I'm 34 she is 47. I love her so much paid all our bills as long as I could while she was in grad school with no help until she dropped out and I had to move away. We tried it but I had a weak moment. I wish she understood I didn't want to cheat it was my birthday and made a dumb mistake. That I am just a man and a human being . It doesn't mean my heart was with the woman: I don't even know her like that. I wish western culture and Europe mindsets were not like this with relationships, I think we would be better off as a society which is why America has the highest divorce rates.
I'm really into ctb , I'm just tired of waking up everyday for the past two years at least a year ready to leave. I hate that I don't have control of every aspect of my life living in this matrix. I feel like I have no control over things, ofc I'm not in prison but I still feel like it. I get ssdi for mental issues but not even sure if I have any or I'm just depressed from life. I didn't grow up poor but we definitely struggled. My dad has a pistol but my ex told him we broke up and he hid the magazine but still has the pistol just no magazine. So I would either have to load one round in the chamber, or get a magazine clip . Problem is I'm scared to use a pistol bc what if that doesn't work and I'm disfigured? Any feed back on that? Also hearing a lot about SN I want to try it but I don't know of any online drug sites or how to move on the dark web like that. Also I'm weary of how long it actually takes and can be painful if not done right. If anyone knows and would be willing to help I'd appreciate that. Or any suicide kits? I'm just a lil scared of suffocating longer than 20 seconds bc that sounds painful to me, why can't we all just go out in peace when we are ready? I never realized how stressful just trying to ctb can be. It's like I can't even ctb right can't keep a relationship. I'm over it and want to leave but don't wanna mess that up too.
I'm really into ctb , I'm just tired of waking up everyday for the past two years at least a year ready to leave. I hate that I don't have control of every aspect of my life living in this matrix. I feel like I have no control over things, ofc I'm not in prison but I still feel like it. I get ssdi for mental issues but not even sure if I have any or I'm just depressed from life. I didn't grow up poor but we definitely struggled. My dad has a pistol but my ex told him we broke up and he hid the magazine but still has the pistol just no magazine. So I would either have to load one round in the chamber, or get a magazine clip . Problem is I'm scared to use a pistol bc what if that doesn't work and I'm disfigured? Any feed back on that? Also hearing a lot about SN I want to try it but I don't know of any online drug sites or how to move on the dark web like that. Also I'm weary of how long it actually takes and can be painful if not done right. If anyone knows and would be willing to help I'd appreciate that. Or any suicide kits? I'm just a lil scared of suffocating longer than 20 seconds bc that sounds painful to me, why can't we all just go out in peace when we are ready? I never realized how stressful just trying to ctb can be. It's like I can't even ctb right can't keep a relationship. I'm over it and want to leave but don't wanna mess that up too.
