Need help regarding letter

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Hi everyone, I'd like to request your help regarding the writing of a CTB letter. For a long time I've tought that i'd like to go in peace with no resent and without holding any grudges against no one .
But the fact is, the more my mental health deteriorates, the more i resent the pople who gave up on me. I feel like such an asshole but the truth is that i want them to understand that they made me suffer and that this could have been prevented and i've called for help so many fckn times but they just didn't care. To be clear, they didn't abuse me in any form or shape, they just simply gave up on me and to be also clear I AM NOT REFERING TO A PAST ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, no i respect and care for the ones i've loved and do not wish bring them any harm.
Like i've said i feel like such an asshole but i have to be honest with myself and acknowledge that i am full of hatred and resentment against those people. And it's not just a momentary feeling this hatred had been building and growing for YEARS. I've tried to get rid of it and to be reasonable and to forgive them but FFS i can't , i just can't , i'm tired and this life is a godamn torture and those people could have helped me and i want them to know that.
I could go on forever ranting and venting about my conflicted feelings and my torments but i don't want to digress too much.
I wanted to have your opinions on the matter, should i write what i think of them ? Should I leave them at peace and write a nice letter relieving them from any accountability for my potential CTB ?
I've tried so much to reason with myself and to forgive them but i can't .
It might sound cheesy and attention seeking but am I a bad person for that ?
Thanks a lot in advance for your answers.
Regards

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I guess it depends what you think the purpose would be? Do you hope they feel bad or do you hope they might learn something and change as people?

You won't be around to see the consequences of what you write.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

I want them to understand the consequence of their actions. I know i won't be arround but idk

 

[vak]

Perhaps it could be phrased in a manner that avoids accusing anyone directly? With open-ended phrases such as:

• I wish I had received more support.
• I never felt accepted/safe/comfortable/...
• I only wanted x/y/z

This approach allows others to introspect and deal with their feelings of guilt. It could be a a middle ground between making accusations and articulating your feelings. I don't think that lying (even for someone's benefit) should be one of the last things to do in your life, at least I wouldn't want to go out like that. But you have my utmost respect for trying to find a reasonable way to express yourself without blindly hurting anyone, especially if you are haunted by negative feelings towards them

 

[LifeIsCrazyNemb]

Hi everyone, I'd like to request your help regarding the writing of a CTB letter. For a long time I've tought that i'd like to go in peace with no resent and without holding any grudges against no one .
But the fact is, the more my mental health deteriorates, the more i resent the pople who gave up on me. I feel like such an asshole but the truth is that i want them to understand that they made me suffer and that this could have been prevented and i've called for help so many fckn times but they just didn't care. To be clear, they didn't abuse me in any form or shape, they just simply gave up on me and to be also clear I AM NOT REFERING TO A PAST ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, no i respect and care for the ones i've loved and do not wish bring them any harm.
Like i've said i feel like such an asshole but i have to be honest with myself and acknowledge that i am full of hatrid and resentment against those people. And it's not just a momentary feeling this hatrid had been building and growing for YEARS. I've tried to get rid of it and to be reasonable and to forgive them but FFS i can't , i just can't , i'm tired and this life is a godamn torture and those people could have helped me and i want them to know that.
I could go on forever ranting and venting about my conflicted feelings and my torments but i don't want to digress too much.
I wanted to have your opinions on the matter, should i write what i think of them ? Should I leave them at peace and write a nice letter relieving them from any accountability for my potential CTB ?
I've tried so much to reason with myself and to forgive them but i can't .
It might sound cheesy and attention seeking but am I a bad person for that ?
Thanks a lot in advance for your answers.
Regards

Hello,
There is this thread with a helpfull checklist:

Suicide note

What should I write in my suicide note?

sanctioned-suicide.net

Right now Im working in my letters as well, its not easy. Good luck!

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Hello,
There is this thread with a helpfull checklist:

Suicide note

What should I write in my suicide note?

sanctioned-suicide.net

Right now Im working in my letters as well, its not easy. Good luck!

thanks a lot for the heads up will check that thread out !

Perhaps it could be phrased in a manner that avoids accusing anyone directly? With open-ended phrases such as:

• I wish I had received more support.
• I never felt accepted/safe/comfortable/...
• I only wanted x/y/z

This approach allows others to introspect and deal with their feelings of guilt. It could be a a middle ground between making accusations and articulating your feelings. I don't think that lying (even for someone's benefit) should be one of the last things to do in your life, at least I wouldn't want to go out like that. But you have my utmost respect for trying to find a reasonable way to express yourself without blindly hurting anyone, especially if you are haunted by negative feelings towards them

Thanks i'm indeed struggling a lot with those feelings as I want to go in peace and leave people at rest too but the hatred is a lot to bear and i was wondering if anyone could relate bc i feel really unreasonable and immature.

 

[vak]

Thanks i'm indeed struggling a lot with those feelings as I want to go in peace and leave people at rest too but the hatrid is a lot to bear and i was wondering if anyone could relate bc i feel really unreasonable and immature.

The fact that you have these conflicting feelings actually suggests the opposite - it speaks to your kindness and maturity. It's in the darkest times that our true selves shine through, and by thoughtfully considering this, you're doing the right thing.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

The fact that you have these conflicting feelings actually suggests the opposite - it speaks to your kindness and maturity. It's in the darkest times that our true selves shine through, and by thoughtfully considering this, you're doing the right thing.

Thank you it means a lot to me.

 

[Have_a_nice_Life]

Update: the hatred went away. There's no point in holding grudges against people. I do not wish to accuse anyone anymore. If i ever go, i want to do it at peace with myself and others. Thanks for your replies