Help My parents set me up for failure and I'm not sure what to do

[miles-away]

I feel like some privileged brat for saying this. I wasn't beat or had cigarettes burned into my skin. My mother was just a delusional alcoholic and my father is a bum with anger issues. Instead, I was pseudo neglected. I was homeschooled, went to a shitty online school and ultimately left to my own devices. My parents never really pushed me academically. As a kid, it seemed like they just sort of accepted my siblings and I weren't uber gifted like other kids and instead chose to make snide remarks about it. They gave up before we ever got the chance to prove ourselves. After I graduated high school, I didn't go to college. I lived like a NEET for two and a half years before finally getting a job.

There is some level of blame I take. But I work in a high school now and the fact that my parents left me to drift on my fucking own at 16/17 is absurd. Expecting any 16/17 to figure out college on their own is fucking absurd. Expecting an agoraphobic homeschooled shut in to figure out college when they barely had a high school education is next level fucking insane.

I'm 22. Life isn't exactly over. But the countdown to getting your shit together is starting. I only have 51 college credits thanks to me dropping in and out of community college. By December, I could have 60, transfer to some shitty university and start my bachelors. My hopes of transferring to a good university is kind of dashed. I'd be stuck with my parents for another 2-3 years. Maybe more. I'm not sure how I'd juggle my full time job with it. I'd be getting my bachelors at 24-25.

The other option is joining the military. Ngl, I really, really don't want to fucking do that. I'm already miserable being a civilian. Being tied to the military and being bossed around like a child is even worse. I'd be government property. And I've seen/heard the type of people that join the military. Not the sort of people I want to be around. I've thought about the reserves but I don't want to go active duty.

What do I do? Do I grind it out with my parents or join the fucking military. I hate looking at the other adults my age with their bachelors and their great jobs.

 

[bankai]

Is it possible to do something AI related?Or data science? Do you like anything technical?

These are going to be in pretty big demand.I mean, they already are.

Things are pretty crazy right now. I'm not sure what's going to happen to the job market in a few years with the advent of AI. As this stuff keeps improving, I'm not sure about creative fields especially.

I've always considered joining the military when I was a kid. My dad was in the military too. But the harsh reality is it's a pretty miserable life. You're spot on with the whole your life is not your own kind of thing. they make sure you know your expendable and they're in charge.

 

[whywere]

I went to college from the age of 24 and I graduated at the age of 28 with a Bachelor of Science degree. I worked from 18 to 24 and could not get promoted because I did not have a degree, so I went. Best thing that I ever did.

Yes, I understand that everyone is different, but you are still young and can go for it if you want to.

I agree with @bankai about the military, as I agree that it can be a miserable life, as I went through the medical exams after college for recruitment, but what I saw during those couple of days, really turned me off. When you mentioned that fact that one is government property I fully agree.

You are young and with your college credits now, just make sure to try and NOT do any student loans, as they can and WILL come back to bite you in the butt, if it takes a little longer to get a degree by working and taking fewer classes or if one's parents want to help out great.

You are an intelligent person with age and options on your side, and I wish the very best to/for you.

Walter

 

[UnusedGate]

First of all, I just want to say that it's not your fault this happened. Don't blame yourself.

Second of all, you need to figure out what you actually want. Money, a fulfilling job? Then you need to figure out the easiest way of achieving that. For both, generally, going to college is the way to do it. Do a lot of research into degrees but make sure you can actually complete it. No point in doing engineering if you'll fail in the second year. Once you've figured it out then do it. Also, till you can achieve your goal, you need ways to cope. Best copes are hobbies, have a wide rage and rotate between them. Hobbies that challenge you mentally or physically (reading, sport, traveling), hobbies where you can just relax (games, shows ,etc).

Wouldn't recommend the military. There's a social aspect that you may be missing due to not going to high school.

 

[torturedbrain]

I'm in the same boat. I'm 22, supported by my parents , not finished school and also not enrolled to go back, no job. But I don't even care anymore. I would love to live on the streets and just die, but they are controlling and they spy on me and don't let me do anything. I had more freedom as a 17 year old then I have now

And I was ahead of the game as a 18-20 year old. Now I'm behind, where I'm meant to be. I have no hope so I'd rather just not try. I don't go on Instagram, because what's the point of seeing all of these people I used to know and their staged lives.

 

[Lycoris]

I dont think you're a priviledged brat for not doing well, I think even you kind of admitted that their lack of support hurt you, and neglect counts as abusive behavior too. I was kicked out at 17 and was somewhat in the same boat at your age especially with the confusion of both not knowing what to do and being forced to have your shit together. I'm in my late 20's now with a job that I hate but isnt easy to land without a college degree and an apartment.

I think you should first give yourself a little grace with everything, you were just expected to raise your hand to pee a few short years ago and now you're being expected to navigate a cruel and unforgiving world. I think if possible try to stay with your parents and work through your childhood trauma with a professional, unless they are affecting your mental health to the point that it brought you here. In that case, I would try to find a job that you think wouldnt be entirely terrible for you. You said that you have agoraphobia, I would try to look for a graveyard shift job or a security guard job since those are almost entirely documentation focused and all about looking busy while being alone.

I remember working as a graveyard shift security for a hotel once and it's probably one of the only jobs I could have kept without it driving me insane back when I was trying to get out of homelessness. Sorry if this comes across as telling you what to do, I think it's still mostly important for you to heal from your parents not really being there for you in any meaningful capacity. It affected me more than I thought anyways...