Venting Working in Healthcare

[like-spoiledmilk]

Just a vent. TW, probably.

I'm a nurse. I don't think I've ever hated anything more. I grew up with rough parents, poor, in poverty. I took school seriously and paid my own way through because I knew that was how I could get out. It was a reliable industry I could always have a job.

It was probably the worst mistake of my life. I graduated into a pandemic, MDs were always yelling at me for being stupid, nobody could train me, I was confused, we were understaffed. The older nurses bullied me pretty badly. They were just stressed too, but they'd purposefully give me grabby and abusive patients.

And Lord, are most patients awful. It's like Walmart customer service. Men grab and slap your butt in front of their wives, one lady grabbed my shirt so hard my bra broke. I've had IV poles swung at me, cups of pee tossed, buckets of shit. People cough in your face on purpose if they're angry. If they're diabetic, they curse you out for not bringing them sugar. If they're in heart failure on a salt restriction, their family brings them KFC. And the *slurs*. Every day. All day. Constantly. And then HR asks you how you can learn to "treat clients better" so they don't hit you next time.

Forbid you get a good, decent person. I've had patients I truly cared for talk about how financially stressed they are. I would scan their medicine. $300 for a saline bag. $80 for a flush. $2500 for an antibiotic. It was like scanning groceries. Then the ratios... It's like every sick person is forcibly on an assembly line where I can't do as well as I want to. Grandma wants to chat with me about how stressed she is about possibly dying? Too bad, gotta run. It eats at you.

The ratios are so awful you can't properly care for anyone. Medical advancements mean people live longer, and today's general med patients are yesterday's critical care patients. I can handle five or six to myself: assessments, care coordination, education, medication rounds, wound care, feedings, bathing. I can do it all by myself. But 1:7 and 1:8? Admissions and Discharges all day? I can't keep up. Then Bed 1 is on my ass about a warm pillow that they called for an hour ago while Bed 2 just pooped in their plate and is smearing it everywhere while Bed 4's daughter is calling you while you're on the phone with the doctor because Bed 6's blood pressure is dropping. You don't get enough time to pee or eat, and you get in trouble if you don't clock your meals anyway. HR says you're not allowed to keep water. You have to use 'water breaks' that you don't fucking get.

Then, everyone IRL is telling you to get over it because you only work three days a week. $35 an hour isn't worth all that. I've had two coworkers go to the ER for patients purposefully kicking/punching them in the belly while pregnant. I've been chased by a guy that grabbed the needle off of me. Someone threw a mattress. Not to mention getting sick all of the time, but you can't call in if you don't have a fever.

This was so stupid. I'm an introvert. I'm so overstimulated. I left and did school nursing, better except you don't make much money and they want you to go to more college for it. I lasted barely a year and a half in the hospital. Places want three or more for outpatient. My bachelor's degree isn't functional anywhere else. It's not like I can get the same scholarships I did in highschool and start over. I still have 10k of student loans to pay off.

I just feel so trapped. My dad says every job is stressful, I'm just being sensitive. Maybe I am, and that just makes me feel like I'm not cut out for this. If I have to go back to the hospital, I honestly don't want to be here.

That's all. I'm just venting, promise. I left my last job, I'm applying to any outpatient job within an hour of me, and I'm not getting them. I really didn't want to go to the hospital again, but fuck me.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

That's a really honest assessment and interesting point of view. I know nurses are overworked and underpaid. I am completely baffled how you all stay so friendly and with a smile on your face.

I always find it very interesting when users here are in healthcare. I would assume there are a lot of conflicting thoughts?

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

That's a really honest assessment and interesting point of view. I know nurses are overworked and underpaid. I am completely baffled how you all stay so friendly and with a smile on your face.

I always find it very interesting when users here are in healthcare. I would assume there are a lot of conflicting thoughts?

Disassociation for me, but some of my coworkers have been the strongest people I've had the privilege of knowing.

There are. I'll be honest, I was drawn to healthcare because I had great nurses when I was young and attempting ctb the first few times.

On one hand, I want everyone to have every chance possible to live. I don't believe in an afterlife, I do believe life is something sacred, and I think this is all you get. I want everyone to have food, housing, healthcare, a social community to rely on, and the resources to find self-fulfillment. I genuinely believe that there would be a lot less suicidal people if we cared for one another better.

On the other, I know how inaccessible mental healthcare is. I know how difficult drug addiction, debt, grief, poverty, chronic illness, homelessness, loneliness, and hunger can be. Beyond that, psychiatry is a relatively new discipline. It's not an automatic answer for everyone. I know that, sometimes, people can't get the support they need.

I think I owe it to try and help where I can - even if that's just a conversation or offering somebody I know one of the (very few) accessible resources in my knowledge. I try to do what I can in my own community. I'd never encourage anyone to ctb. However, it's your life, your body, and your choice. Autonomy is important, too.

Disclaimer: These are just my personal, undeveloped opinions. Of course, I also feel like a hypocrite for being suicidal myself, haha.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I appreciate the honesty. My eyes popped open when I read you had tried to ctb years before you became a nurse.

So many of us on this site are acting irl with our masks on. The ones like you in healthcare have to be the best actors of all. It's exhausting and draining masking and I don't even do a good job of it Lol. Can only imagine how much worse it must be for you.

 

[never mind me]

Hospital work sounds really tough: I think I couldn't work under these circumstances. I really hope you can find a job that has better conditions. And please try to take care of yourself, don't let yourself be forced to work while you are sick.
Although I'm not a nurse I have worked in health care previosuly. I'd say that work conditions at my last job were way more decent than what you describe, but still I sometimes had a hard time processing it. First often having patients you can't help that much, but also having the pressure of getting stuff done in a limited amount of time, because you don't have any more paid hours to do the work and if you don't get stuff done in this time it means you are contantly working overtime (without getting paid for it or getting free time in exchange). But I also felt like I shouldn't be cutting corners to not work too much, because I felt responsible for my patients. I also pressured myself a lot to function and avoided calling in sick at first, but later learned that it's not worth it, because it just caused me to take a lot longer to recover from being sick.
And I don't think you are a hypocrite for being suicidal and still wishing for others to be able to overcome suicidal ideation and be happy. Why should you not wish for others to have a good life even if you are struggling with life yourself?

 

[miyabi]

Thank you for choosing the role you did. I'm an emergency worker, and I'd like to think I joined for the right reason similar to you. It's the same in any emergency service sector or healthcare - the vast majority did not join for benevolent reasons. I work in a city with the cost of living equivalent to NYC/SF, work 80 hours a week and pull in less than $75k to experience the same as you.

I was in the ICU for a week after almost dying from SN. A lot of nurses were shit, and I ended up with cellulitis and a vein infection from a cannula they ignored my complaints about and left in for 5 days. A lot of the nurses were great though, and it makes such a big difference when you get someone that cares about doing their job properly.

If you ever make an exit, be proud of what you've done for society. People that work in our fields have the ability to make such a profound impact on people in their most vulnerable moments. Before working in this field I never would have understood that people in this sector see and deal with shit like a tour in Iraq, except you never get to "go home".