Venting My mom just told me to kill myself

[melancholymallory03]

I'm 25F, and I live in my parents' house because of cultural reasons. My mom complained today that I had been distant lately; I'm always either on my computer or asleep. We had an argument about it, and she asked what my goals were and how I was expecting to progress in life if I was wasting it away. I told her I genuinely have no goals or hopes for the future, and I'm truly apathetic towards everything. This led her to ask, "Why don't you kill yourself then? Jump off the roof for all our sakes!" I told her if I was sure I'd die and not end up paralyzed, I would have a while ago (our house is only 2 stories, so I know the jump won't be fatal).

This didn't take me aback because she has asked me to kill myself before, but for some reason, it still hurts to hear (yes, even though I'm suicidal). I realized recently I have to accept that my mom hates me, and I can never obtain her approval even though I crave it so much.

I can relate on the craving approval even though you know your family hates you.

May she humble herself, and give you the understanding you deserve and need right now

 

[TiredTurtle2]

I'm sorry she said that to you, you dont deserve to be spoken to like that.

My parents have said the same thing to me at times when i said i was suicidal and while im unsure if they meant it, its not something you ever forget or get over.

 

[Readytogo246]

She is a self serving narcissistic mean person.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry you have to experience having an awful parent aswell, if only they knew the consequentes of their actions ;(

 

[Cyndaquil]

It's heartbreaking that you are going through this, I wish you the best.

 

[T_Afflige_X]

I'm 25F, and I live in my parents' house because of cultural reasons. My mom complained today that I had been distant lately; I'm always either on my computer or asleep. We had an argument about it, and she asked what my goals were and how I was expecting to progress in life if I was wasting it away. I told her I genuinely have no goals or hopes for the future, and I'm truly apathetic towards everything. This led her to ask, "Why don't you kill yourself then? Jump off the roof for all our sakes!" I told her if I was sure I'd die and not end up paralyzed, I would have a while ago (our house is only 2 stories, so I know the jump won't be fatal).

This didn't take me aback because she has asked me to kill myself before, but for some reason, it still hurts to hear (yes, even though I'm suicidal). I realized recently I have to accept that my mom hates me, and I can never obtain her approval even though I crave it so much.

I've felt a similar pain, just around a year ago. Mom barged into my room when I was having a mental breakdown, reflecting on how little I've accomplished in 20 years. Once I showed signs of giving up, the first thing she told me was something along the lines of "How about we drive you to the Tappan Zee Bridge so you can jump off of it?"

That was the moment I realized my family only pretended to love me, and what she said was a slip of the mask. I think my parents secretly resent what they gave birth to. But that's their fault anyway.

 

[Camper]

Your life has barely begun and your mother is already giving up. What a piece of shit. I'd be grateful to have a daughter. Way to take your own damn children for granted.

 

[livinginthedreams]

I'm so sorry. I feel you. Hugs and kisses.

 

[Endisclose]

I'm 25F, and I live in my parents' house because of cultural reasons. My mom complained today that I had been distant lately; I'm always either on my computer or asleep. We had an argument about it, and she asked what my goals were and how I was expecting to progress in life if I was wasting it away. I told her I genuinely have no goals or hopes for the future, and I'm truly apathetic towards everything. This led her to ask, "Why don't you kill yourself then? Jump off the roof for all our sakes!" I told her if I was sure I'd die and not end up paralyzed, I would have a while ago (our house is only 2 stories, so I know the jump won't be fatal).

This didn't take me aback because she has asked me to kill myself before, but for some reason, it still hurts to hear (yes, even though I'm suicidal). I realized recently I have to accept that my mom hates me, and I can never obtain her approval even though I crave it so much.

I am not sure if she meant it literally. In certain cultures, that sort of expression can be a manner of speaking. Although it is insensitive for sure, but sometimes people just talk without thinking. I mean to say that it might not have been a consciously intentional thing on her part. Perhaps more as a snapping response to your statement that you were apathetic.. I am not defending her, but I am just placing it in context..

Having said that, you being here is not a good sign of your mental health and I dare say, your folks must be more connected to know what state of mind you are in.. Given that, speaking in that manner is not very helpful at all.. Maybe she feels helpless too.. I've been in a similar situation. I lost my mom about one and a half months ago..

 

[DeadManLiving]

My mom told me the same thing. So then I asked her okay just give me 2,000 so I can get what I need and I'll disappear.

She replied: Ok, go overseas that way in case you get paralyzed I won't have to take care of you.

Today I'm going to remind her about the offer. Piece of shit toxic parents, but hey I'll take up the offer if she pays up.

In fact I think it's a great deal, because if they don't pay then I'll CTB anyways and remind them of the risk of paralysis.

My parents have been withholding and gaslighting me on paying for treatment for a neurological condition despite them having the money. My stance is basically I'm going to cure myself or kill myself, but without their aid or support it's just going to get worse and I'm going to CTB.

I mean how can you not help your children during their greatest time need with a medical condition but worse gas lighting them and making their condition worse.

So if it comes to that I can also turn the tides it into a backfire CTB with a lot of stigma that they'll have to deal with once I expose everything.

But a part of me tells me that expose revenge will only bring me down to their level, although, if I'm going to CTB would it be improper to expose why I did it (their neglect) with evidence (tons) and therefore forever shame them before the community? If they have no remorse then I think that would be appropriate. But I don't want to do double damage.

So the biggest question is: Do narcissists grieve their children's death? And if they don't, then I think they should pay some price if they contributed to it, and that is what I am debating. Should I expose them publicly with the evidence on the day I CTB w a dead man's switch evidence file so that they actually have to take some accountability for their actions? Or just CTB IF it's true that narcissists grieve their children's death by Suicide or reach a state of recognizance on death notification when shit gets real?

 

[Invisible 73]

That's terrible! How dare she say these sorts of things and try to make you feel worse. I suggest next time if she says it again, you tell her if she didn't have you in the first place maybe all this could've been avoided. I know it sounds disrespectful but respect goes both ways!

I was gonna suggest saying: ditto mom!

 

[rozeske]

Mine has wished me that so many times I've stopped keeping track.