figcitylightscookie
sad, lonely & desperate
- Nov 21, 2023
- 38
I'm 25F, and I live in my parents' house because of cultural reasons. My mom complained today that I had been distant lately; I'm always either on my computer or asleep. We had an argument about it, and she asked what my goals were and how I was expecting to progress in life if I was wasting it away. I told her I genuinely have no goals or hopes for the future, and I'm truly apathetic towards everything. This led her to ask, "Why don't you kill yourself then? Jump off the roof for all our sakes!" I told her if I was sure I'd die and not end up paralyzed, I would have a while ago (our house is only 2 stories, so I know the jump won't be fatal).
This didn't take me aback because she has asked me to kill myself before, but for some reason, it still hurts to hear (yes, even though I'm suicidal). I realized recently I have to accept that my mom hates me, and I can never obtain her approval even though I crave it so much.
This didn't take me aback because she has asked me to kill myself before, but for some reason, it still hurts to hear (yes, even though I'm suicidal). I realized recently I have to accept that my mom hates me, and I can never obtain her approval even though I crave it so much.