Venting My medication…

[TuttiFrutti]

I like being unmedicated because to me it's how it's supposed to be. I deserve to feel insecure and to hate myself. I look in the mirror thinking to myself "how was I happy walking around looking like this? Being like this?…". I should be thinking about the fact that I won't have a future, instead of going through my entire life in complete aimlessness. Because for me, there's no point in living if I don't have a concrete goal in sight. And because it's not socially acceptable. Saying that I shouldn't care what other people think isn't helpful. Imagine if it was that easy. Like, I don't care if others hate that I'm autistic, does that mean I won't get bullied anymore and that my chances of getting employed will get better. No. Because the way others perceive me can still have an impact on my life.

When I'm medicated it feels like my real thoughts are being censored, for the sake of making my days more bearable. And it's weird when I remember that that's what's happening to me. It all feels fake.

 

[Bunnymmm]

Yeah I agree with you, it's like it doesn't help with fixing the root problem. It just numbs it out, basically like alcohol or tobacco. I hate the concept of having to live your life through your medication for the rest of your life.