Venting My low BMI makes me feel good about myself

[GTNHisLOVE]

My Body-Mass-Index is 15,2. I classify as "severely underweight" and am way below the average for my country.

I don't know if I have an actual eating disorder. I'm not afraid of eating. I enjoy good food. But I can't eat as much as the others. I can never finish a plate. And after I'm done eating, the smell or taste of any food makes me want to throw up. The feeling of "being full" after eating a meal disgusts me. I always tell myself how I would feel better if I just stopped eating, but those thoughts vanish as soon as I feel hungry again.

I haven't gained any weight for ages now. No matter what I eat or how much I eat, the little digits on my scale stay put and don't move up. The last time they did, I was devastated.

Every time I step on the scale and see that nothing has changed, I get happy. I don't know why but being able to see my ribcage and bones right under my skin, not hidden by any fat or muscle, makes me feel good about the body I usually hate so much.

Do I have an eating disorder?

 

[Unicr0n]

I have a very small stomach too due to my ADHD meds dulling my ability to feel hunger when I was younger. Half of a half of an instant ramen brick is enough to fill me up. I was around 100 lbs @5'4" prior to starting to exercise. I get nauseous if I think about food after eating, that's normal. It's your body telling you to stop. I don't think it's an eating disorder so long as you aren't viewing food as the enemy or trying to throw it back up or are binging. I like seeing my ribs and hip bones. but that might be cuz I really like skeletons.

 

[deletedaccount30982]

No one can diagnose you other than a doctor but it very much sounds like you could have anorexia.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

While it sounds like you may have an eating disorder, you can only really get a true diagnoses from a psychologist or psychiatrist.