GTNHisLOVE
Lowlife Pianist
- Mar 10, 2024
- 41
My Body-Mass-Index is 15,2. I classify as "severely underweight" and am way below the average for my country.
I don't know if I have an actual eating disorder. I'm not afraid of eating. I enjoy good food. But I can't eat as much as the others. I can never finish a plate. And after I'm done eating, the smell or taste of any food makes me want to throw up. The feeling of "being full" after eating a meal disgusts me. I always tell myself how I would feel better if I just stopped eating, but those thoughts vanish as soon as I feel hungry again.
I haven't gained any weight for ages now. No matter what I eat or how much I eat, the little digits on my scale stay put and don't move up. The last time they did, I was devastated.
Every time I step on the scale and see that nothing has changed, I get happy. I don't know why but being able to see my ribcage and bones right under my skin, not hidden by any fat or muscle, makes me feel good about the body I usually hate so much.
Do I have an eating disorder?
I don't know if I have an actual eating disorder. I'm not afraid of eating. I enjoy good food. But I can't eat as much as the others. I can never finish a plate. And after I'm done eating, the smell or taste of any food makes me want to throw up. The feeling of "being full" after eating a meal disgusts me. I always tell myself how I would feel better if I just stopped eating, but those thoughts vanish as soon as I feel hungry again.
I haven't gained any weight for ages now. No matter what I eat or how much I eat, the little digits on my scale stay put and don't move up. The last time they did, I was devastated.
Every time I step on the scale and see that nothing has changed, I get happy. I don't know why but being able to see my ribcage and bones right under my skin, not hidden by any fat or muscle, makes me feel good about the body I usually hate so much.
Do I have an eating disorder?