Discussion Would a million dollar make you not want to CBT?

[whaleandwasp]

Yes, because then I could work towards solving the problems that make me want to ctb in the first place

 

[Lost_Dawns]

Yeah I could buy myself out of most of my problems. A million is enough where I live to pay off my car and at least get a solid down payment on a house and stable enough to get a job.

 

[Henry Avery's]

Yes I would move out and start things again

 

[skybox]

Any amount of money would lessen the need that's for sure. Me and my mom been on the poverty line since I was born, we are 3 months behind on rent rn

 

[notthatclever]

I mean financial stress has really burdened me since my divorce no matter how hard or how much I worked. I get constantly harassed at work which is insane. I have no issue doing my actual work, it's the social aspect. I really just don't like many other people. I'm not a people person. I don't hate anybody or wish harm to them but they take it personal and attack me. Once they go there though.. it hate them and hope they have some sort of karma bitch slap their ass.. people also confuse being anti social with anti social personality disorder. I have no desire to massively manipulate or hurt people.. I just don't like being around other people. Anyways yeah it would take a lot of steer off my life for sure. I could pay off all my debt which isn't too insane except for some of the medical debt.. and so on.. having medical debt while having to reduce myself to Medicaid is insane. Shows you how deeply fractured American health really is.. anyway the abuse both physical and mental financial sexual.. I don't know.. it may be too much anymore. I don't know.. it would for sure take a huge load of stress wise and a lot of therapists say more money helps a majority of mental health problems.. lack of money and resources causes people to get majorly depressed and fast. It's a huge contributor and factor.. but these American assholes.. I'm so ashamed to be American.. get a job.. work your ass off.. ok did that.. well we hate you get away from us.. and it's like you can't have it both ways.. it's called shit or get off the pot.. and that's just it.. nobody around me wants to take the shit.. and it's like ok.. well then get the fuck out of my face about it.. just makes them stink worse than ever.. and with most jobs especially office jobs.. technically I outrank everybody.. unless it's a lawyer.. I hate my hometown because everybody is holding onto a marriage I got out of a decade ago.. it's like I've moved on so has he.. get the fuck over it already.. they're a bunch of stupid hicks though.. it's like they all took their mommy and daddy issues out on me and my marriage and like.. you dumb fucks.. I am not your mommy.. fuck off.. the amount of abuse I endured because I got divorced.. it's like.. ummm you all made it clear how you want to treat your real mommy.. Freudian oedipus issues much.. get a fucking grip.. and they're acting like 50 percent of marriages don't end in divorce and it's like.. stop denying reality just because you can't handle.. it's a bunch of religious nut job hicks from the South.. and I'm really done with them.. truly.. also getting sick of dating dudes ate alive in mommy issues.. that's old.. either ate up in mommy issues or fidelity issues or both.. and it's like we aren't 25 anymore and stupid.. like nobody can afford these head games you idiots are playing.. at 25.. you can be super smart but there is still a natural stupidity that just comes from being young because you don't have the experience to understand life at some level.. and it's fine I get it if somebody is actually 25.. to a degree..

So I don't know.. maybe I would or wouldn't.. it would help a lot but at the same time it doesn't take away a lot of pain caused. Also a million dollars would get soaked up faster than you think.. it's not a lifetime buyout.. you still have to work.. at the same time I could start my own business and be my own boss and only need a few employees and not need to deal with people as I normally have to.. I'm so sick of other people I could scream.. they say no man is an island.. well some women are and I'm an island..

It really just doesn't make sense for me to have interpersonal relationships in my real life anymore.. the level of insanity people have caused whenever I try to have any is outrageous.. it's rare for that to be the case but nobody has established that they're healthy for me to be around.. I'm not talking just normal regular human arguing or obstacles.. people are insane towards me and it's beyond old.. I'm really convinced a lot of people especially in the south were raised in a barn.. anyways I'm about to move and start over and go back to work.. and that's fine.. giving life one last shot to see how bad it all really is.. but I'm getting out of the south at least so there is that.. never again.. I am never letting the south come back in my life again.. I mean they don't get it.. I loathe their hick maga ass as much as they hate mine.. except on not doing all my shit on the premise of being some Christian. I was raised that way and trust me ain't none of those hicks acting like the goody little Christian they claim to be.. I was a fuckin ministers kid.. the Bible kinda came up.. just maybe..

I'm not religious anymore and haven't been for a very long time but I know what it means to be a Christian and they're all third rate hack jobs at it at best.. they're a joke to Christianity and their so called Jesus..

I really can't stand the hard core junkies like former meth heads that magically find Jesus in rehab to stay out of a five year prison sentence.. that's always a fun hypocritical crock of shit time.. yeah I'll bet you did find that Jesus didn't you..

They have no idea how insulting they are to somebody that grew up and was raised in church for real..

basically any born again Christian of any kind is annoying.. because they're a bunch of zealots.. anyways where I'm from is Jesusland except nobody is like Jesus.. even kind of..

It's all very Ghandi.. I like your Jesus but I do not like your Christians.. for they are so unlike your Jesus.. and in the south the first amendment and religious freedom is only for those who believe in Jesus.. because they're idiots.. freedom of religion ultimately means freedom from religion.. hence separation of church and state..

But I catch a lot of hell because they all want to be the one to convert me back to Jesus and over my dead body.. I'll sooner die.. get away from me you stupid hick..

And they all quote the Bible.. wrong might I add.. and it's all bullshit stupid Jesus music.. not to mention they take their shit too far and it's going to be a lawyer jammed straight up their ass..

Religion is like politics.. keep that shit to yourself..

Talk about Jesus at your church.. and leave it there..

So maybe getting away from Christian crazy land will make me feel better..

Anyways money only fixes part of the problem and it does fix that but it doesn't fix the damage caused by deep systemic issues..

I know a lot of people kill themselves because of money problems and it's solely that alone but my shit is deeper than all that..

Maybe ten years ago.. that's a decade late and a million dollars short..

I have really bad ptsd.. which gives me really bad nightmares and I have really bad flashbacks and I hear certain words and I'm triggered to high hell.. exposure therapy hasn't really helped at all.. if anything made things worse.. I don't think that has the great results that people claim. I think it's urban myth..

And limiting my exposure to people is the only thing that helps., limiting interpersonal relationships..

When I'm at work I'm there to work and go home.. I'm not there to know somebody..

I really do hate other people.. truly..

Nobody gets what I'm feeling nobody understand what I've been through.. and even so they all seem more than happy to add to the stack and contribute to hurting me rather than helping or better yet just leaving me the fuck alone,.

And sure they say moving you bring your problems with you.. bit I'm aware I have depression and ptsd problems.. that's not anything I'm trying to rid myself of magically.. it's not like I think I'll get there and poof.. my depression disappears.. I'm not deluded..

I'm trying to get out of a deep systemic culture of insanity that is the American South.. and sure they say trade one trouble for another.. just seeing if that trouble I trade for is one I can eventually handle better.,


I really truly truly hate the South.. deep in my heart I hate them..

And that's another thing.. I'm moving to a place that has to understand a person like myself being a liberal damn near fighting the trenches alone in a place like this.. these stupid hicks use me for target practice..


And that's a hard thing for somebody not from here or has never lived here to fully understand..

And they are stupid ignorant trash hicks.. all of them..

And I resent them because I've had to take a liberal approach to some conservative views just to survive.. and they didn't understand that taking an approach of that kind can come off far worse and nastier than they ever could imagine being..

But I'm far past the existential part of suicide even.. it's not really god related.. I feel fine in my views there.. I wasn't a perfect person but when I die I don't feel damned or anything.. I'm comfortable enough for how I lived my life with what I was given and hands I was dealt.. and this point how I can play a hand if nobody hands me any cards.. it's just redundancy in its purest most idiotic form..


Then again not anything anybody doesn't expect from all these stupid hicks..

Mine is more I don't believe in humanity anymore.. I have no faith in other people.. society is crumbling and everybody is pointing fingers at the other person tech will say it's social medias fault.. social media will say it's the governments fault.. government will say it's another countries fault.. it's all just passing the buck..

Everybody is guilty so much anymore no one is to blame..

And that's what they'd have you believe but that's not true.. America is a modern day Rome and it's starting to burn.. the cracks are showing..

Not that I expect perfection or utopia.. but this is bullshit,.

So mine is just more so.. the telescope and deluded one at that society decided to take upon me full of projection.. and it's very telling of how sick and twisted and stupid society at large is..

Mine is a lack of faith in humanity in ever getting it back together again.. and getting its head out of its ass..

And everybody stop acting like they're raised in a god damn barn..

Some of them act like they're raised in a dumpster fire..

And I don't think money is going to fix that..

If anything money only enhanced how fucked up they really truly are..

But if I got to a place where I had that kind of money for real and I was all The way at the end of my rope.. I'm getting there.. not quite there but I'm getting there..

Probably just see the world.. see all the places I haven't seen yet..

Then end it..

My son and my family aren't deterrents or reasons for staying alive.. and see doctors and everybody else fucked themselves.. because they played a stupid role in not keeping me together with my kid.. so now they can't cop out and use him as a reason for staying alive..

They shot themselves in their own foot..

Cause when they try to use that.. I won't say anything I'll play along to their crock of shit but in my head it's like.. really you insane fucking evil hypocrite fuck.,

Keeps proving my point how corrupt you fucks are..

Anymore it's like.. do not talk to me about my kid.. like you know fuckng shit about it..

That's how I know I'm really dealing with an idiot hack of a doctor.. the complete bullshit cop out..

And what's worse.. courts claim all this stupid bullshit about trying to keep the family unit together..

I'm not a drug addict.. I'm not an alcoholic.. never had those issues.. I don't have some insane criminal background..
Crack heads get their fucking crack babies back..

And don't deal with the level of insane shit I have..

But it's too late for all that now..

They got no legs to stand on there..

I hate my family for good reason.. they have nothing there..

Friends I had for 20 years turned their back on me in the divorce.. they can't come back.. they burned the bridge..

All because I had an acute health matter that's private.. and none of their fucking business..

My mental health isn't for their gossip mill..

Because that's a two way street and talk about fucked up.. they are fuuuucked up in the head..


But yeah I took mine to the doctor which is a private health matter..

I didn't display it for all the work place to see..

You would not believe some of these people.. really is.. ummm maybe it's time to shake your pill bottle a lot harder..

I'm honest that I have MDD and shit.. but it's not a license for them to treat me some type of way..

Because they aren't doctors.. they don't understand the consequence of that..

This..

Because it's the doctors that have to scrape my suicidal ass off the floor.

And doctors can't play and pretend and act stupid or perplexed as to why I get this way..

It's not some mystery or head scratcher.. I mean come the fuck off that one..

I'm not playing a game with them..

Basically every single crack you can fall through trying to get help.. whether that's medical or spiritual or governmental.. I fell through..

And then you go out and help yourself because all the rest is a crock of shit and people attack you about that too..

In short.. America is a trashy stupid third world country in denial wearing a Gucci belt..

It's all surface and no substance..

So a million dollars would take care of all my surface level problems and maybe a few deeper ones but it's far from reaching the core issue of how fucked up I know everybody else to be and pretend they aren't..

My family and my ex husband being perfect example of that very problem at a more microscopic intimate level and representative of the widespread issue that plagues America today..

The proverbial shade..

I'd say that's why we're all here in one level or another.. we were either the shady asshole that caused a lot of pain or you were a victim to a shady asshole and can't take anymore..

On the whole.. there are always exceptions..

Not that I never caused any pain to others, I'm not pretending to be some little Pollyanna who awww shucks me.. I'm a human.. but the level of pain they caused.. I would never dream of doing to another person in a million years..

They don't get being shady is one form of being a master in your head.. and what a terrible master it is..

And you'll end up ultimately hurting yourself with that every time.. whether that's sooner or later..

And of course everybody around you..

But everybody marketed that as money and power and glory and the rest..

Anyways knowing my luck I'd get a million dollar check the day after I've jumped off a damn bridge so why bother myself..

Why care at all..

But they're always a decade late and a million dollars short.. that's what they don't realize..

And for me there is anything left to hold onto except a faith in humanity..

That was their stupid grave mistake..

And that's shot to shit..

So one last chance they get and we shall see if a switch in local attitudes and mindsets and the rest changes anything..

I'm not holding breath though..

On the bright side I am knocking out the office side of my career because no way in hell..

I am not putting up with those evil stupid self important dumber than they think they are egotistical assholes again..

And what's worse is they act like any other ghetto trash ass person I've ever seen in the hood they just do it with pretense which is even worse..

Pretense and a cheap Michael Kors bag..

 

[DragMeIntoPlace911]

Use it to kill myself

 

[PrismHon]

I think at first, the urge would go away because i would be able to buy a lot of distractions. But deep down it wouldn't fix the real issue so after a while i would want to cbt again.

Absolutely nailed my thinking, bravo!

Use it to kill myself

I think one of the very first things I would do is set aside amount for the Swiss option for sure.

 

[lastappleonearth]

For a while it'd def make everything better and obv way easier, but idk, it wouldn't eliminate the loneliness, so I think that in general it would only be a temporary relief. Though 1 million is for sure a life changing amount

 

[hughmun9]

probably not but it would make me able to afford therapy. It would guarantee that I'd keep trying for 5-6 years more at least, but I might still end up CTB-ing.

 

[LastNite]

Uhh I dont know, Ive never experienced cock ball torture. Would a million dollars make me give up the idea of cock ball torture HMm, I guess yes.

CONTEXT: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/its-ctb-not-cbt.253798/
btw sorry Ik u have dyslexia, just joking around lol.

 

[memento-mori]

being rich would make my life better, but money doesn't solve all problems in life
even if I became richer than Elon Musk there'd still be some problems I'd never be able to solve
I don't want much in life anyway

 

[tomame]

it would give me stability. which would make things bearable .. but, mental illness is nearly genetic .. i would still be like my mom only not homeless like her and all that comes with that

mentally i'd still come to dread my existence eventually i'm sure .. something tells me i'd probably end up hiring a hitman with that much money

 

[Penelope12]

Certainly, yes