Venting Wanting to ctb but got an opportunity

[violet.4321]

goodnight everyone, just wanted to tell someone about my situation. Lately I lost almost all my friends which I talked about in my post about pushing people away, and I have almost no support from my family anymore. I was ready to ctb, finally ordered the rope and was planning to use it next week, as I would start a study in 2 weeks which I don't even want to go through with. It seemed like the perfect timing, no special dates, no people will suffer a lot from my decision, I was done in life. This may sound stupid but I finally got an appartement today, because I was searching for the past months and housing has been really difficult in my country so I didn't expect to get any housing soon. Now I finally have the opportunity to live alone (without my parents) and focus on my own life, even though I don't want to. I have to sign the contract within the following week, which makes it even more stressful. Do i still ctb or try to make it work? Because when I sign the contract I am also quite obligated to follow the study I really don't want to, because of my mh. I didn't graduate my study last year because of the tiredness, no motivation, literally not being able to do anything, even if I wanted to. But what if I sign the contract and still decide to ctb like a month later, that may be selfish?
I'm sure there are many posts like this, but I just wanted to put this into text. Thanks for reading, this may have been chaotic lol, but if you have any advice let me know.

 

[xetineline]

dont care of selfish... it cannot mean anything at all, for an apartment, or others. i mean, to ctb is not for your enviroment your oppotunities at all it just a action you'll certainly do it... so have a try, it's not such a difficult thing.