My goodbye thread

[Aflame5926]

it sounds you doing better. well not suicidal.

you sound alife with a struggle but here is my gif award

 

[Cloud Busting]

throughout this thread, your thoughtfulness and kindness shine through. i know that these traits make living in this fucked up world more painful. but i hope you know that your words truly are helpful and meaningful. nobody can save the world alone, but we can make a difference in each other's lives, and that's what matters.

if i may ask, do you have any advice on moving forward from a traumatic past? how do you deal with feelings of guilt and shame? and what would you say to past versions of yourself?

no pressure to answer these questions if you are not comfortable doing so. i am sorry that things are hard right now. i wish for better days for us all.

No. I deal with guilt and shame by drugs, alcohol, isolation, and rages. And I would tell them to all kill thelxelcrs and leave me the fuck alone go away you guys don't matter you're not important you're all pussies leave my head leave me alone wah you were beat as a kid yeah most kids were get over it

 

[bagel12]

No. I deal with guilt and shame by drugs, alcohol, isolation, and rages. And I would tell them to all kill thelxelcrs and leave me the fuck alone go away you guys don't matter you're not important you're all pussies leave my head leave me alone wah you were beat as a kid yeah most kids were get over it

i deal with it the same way, i feel less alone knowing that other people have the same coping mechanisms. im trying to get sober but its hard

im mad at my past self a lot. but i find comfort in knowing that the present and future is under my control. i like that every day i have the opportunity to become a new person

im glad you gave an update to the thread, ive enjoyed hearing your perspective

 

[Cloud Busting]

it sounds you doing better. well not suicidal.

you sound alife with a struggle but here is my gif award

Oh my God thank you! This made my day.

Yes it's a life of struggle I live. This used to be my favorite song:



I used to post this and people were like are you ok. Oh yeah just like the music. But we both knew I was not.

"Mother I've tried please believe me. I'm doing the best that I can. I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through. I'm ashamed of the person I am."

It's so embarrassing to be the tragedy girl. To be defined by my shitty childhood, not seen as a real or whole person. I don't even feel like I belong in society. Talking to people, it's so embarrassing, cuz I never wanna talk about my upbringing or past… cuz they'll just see a tragedy, I hate it, I wish I could look back on my childhood with fondness like others. All it does is bring deep loss anger and pain to think of it. It makes me feel like I don't belong.

I have no idea if I'm gonna die living a shitty life. But that's a risk you take. What is guaranteed is if I were to have succeeded, I'd of died the tragedy girl. It's better to die trying than to die defeated (though I don't judge anyone who does and wish them peace)

Yes, I am doing better. I have a supportive boyfriend, supportive family, lots of love in the air. I'm no longer suicidal but it took awhile to get there. I was passively suicidal for a long time after my attempt still, and it's just recently that I'm not suicidal at all now. A drug relapse fucked my life up but even saved me from killing myself. I'm sober for now, unless you count prescribed vyvanse and weed. However, I'm still not ok, you know? I'm not sick but I'm not well lol

Remember, sometimes recovery isn't about getting better, it's moving the needle a tiny bit forward, and it will dip substantially at times. Sadly recovery isn't instant. I totally understand why ppl give up on it and say fuck it and ctb. I've been there.

I used to think I was fucked up failure of a person and a daughter and a woman and a sister and now I am proud of myself too

@bagel12 i was definitely in a mood when I responded but I'm glad it was relatable regardless. Sometimes you get tired of false promises, fantasies and lies and you just want something real you know?

I'll try to respond more in depth later. I need a rewrite on those questions from a different state of mind lol, Good luck on staying sober, I know it is hard. Trauma treatment has been brutal and I've been tempted to relapse. Thank god my boyfriend is my rock

Sorry I'm so emooooootionalllll

 

[bagel12]

im really glad to hear that youve been doing better overall compared to several years ago, and im rooting for you!! that's really sweet about your boyfriend :)

your comment gave me lots of good ideas to reflect about, and i yapped a bit here (there is no pressure to respond if you are busy!)

It's so embarrassing to be the tragedy girl. To be defined by my shitty childhood, not seen as a real or whole person. I don't even feel like I belong in society. Talking to people, it's so embarrassing, cuz I never wanna talk about my upbringing or past… cuz they'll just see a tragedy, I hate it, I wish I could look back on my childhood with fondness like others. All it does is bring deep loss anger and pain to think of it. It makes me feel like I don't belong.

im sorry :( it sounds frustrating and isolating to be seen as the tragedy girl and have others define you by what happened to you in childhood. you deserve to be seen for who you are and what you do, not what other people did to you. also it's shocking to me how people ask such personal questions about family and childhood during small talk. it feels very invasive to me, but they view it as a casual topic.

However, I'm still not ok, you know? I'm not sick but I'm not well lol

Remember, sometimes recovery isn't about getting better, it's moving the needle a tiny bit forward, and it will dip substantially at times. Sadly recovery isn't instant. I totally understand why ppl give up on it and say fuck it and ctb. I've been there.

i really like this mindset towards recovery. i used to view recovery as unattainable because i thought recovery = fixing my mental problems and achieving happiness. and since that isn't possible, why even try? but with a more nuanced view of recovery like "i'll make an effort to take care of myself and improve my situation, even though i don't want to, and hopefully i'll feel a little bit better and find it a little easier to function," it feels like it's at least worth trying for myself (although i completely understand people who feel differently)

@bagel12 i was definitely in a mood when I responded but I'm glad it was relatable regardless. Sometimes you get tired of false promises, fantasies and lies and you just want something real you know?

I'll try to respond more in depth later. I need a rewrite on those questions from a different state of mind lol, Good luck on staying sober, I know it is hard. Trauma treatment has been brutal and I've been tempted to relapse.

there's no pressure to respond to those questions if you aren't feeling it! i realize now that it may have come across as intrusive or touched on triggering subjects, and i apologize for that. also it's perfectly ok to "be in a mood"--that's exactly why this site exists, so people can share how they feel without needing to filter themselves. and i get what you mean about just wanting something real. it is exhausting to filter through all the bs life throws at us just to find what's real.

at least for myself, when i start wanting to relapse, it means that the things in my life are too distressing/overwhelming for my usual coping mechanisms to handle, and it's a signal from my brain that i need to reduce the intensity of whatever is causing the distress. if you experience something similar, would it maybe be a good idea to talk to your therapist about adjusting your trauma treatment plan?

 

[Cloud Busting]

Hello, Ribbons here. As of July 13th, 2026, I still live and now have reincarnated as Cloud Busting. I failed my attempt, and have been trying to recover since. I'm not giving up. I will continue to bust clouds, and for the first time in my entire life, I feel like I can change and build a better tomorrow. Holy shit tho does recovery suck ass. I'm not even close to better, and I wouldn't argue I've come a long way since. The only thing that's kept me thru is supportive ppl I've met over the years (including ppl from here) and a fighting spirit.

I recently have found out I have chronic ptsd. To think I could have died, and I would have merely added more grief and trauma to the world no matter what I tried to do? I prefer to lift people-including myself- up now. I'm happy I survived, but I don't sell a story of hope. All I can do is share my experiences, but I don't know the ending.

This is now my recovery diary. The real kind silly, not a fabricated scare mongering tall tale like Go Ask Alice or something

****