Story My goodbye post. [failed]

[MrDarkness]

Wow I never knew I'd write this post, but alas here I am.

My story

I grew up in a semi middle class family, I was the 2nd child, my dad didn't want to have kids so he didn't really care for me and my brother, he had a mid life crisis around when I was 4, he would spend all his time playing cod, causing him to be fired and we being on the border of poverty. My mom had to work 3 jobs to keep us fed, as a result later on she got cancer, she wasn't able to raise me as a child and my father didn't care, on top of that my brother would bully the fuck outta me, I was all alone, my only comfort was video games, I hated school and I was bullied, I was known as the annoying kid that never shut up, video games were my entire life, I had a friend group from junior high, they hate me now, my current "friend" group doesn't care for me, I'm all alone, I just graduated high school and I want to die 18 btw. I've never been on a date or lost my v card but I don't care, love isn't real, and most women say I look like a rapist and a predator. I'm sick of feeling like I get better and then getting sent back into hell, I'm sick of arguing with my family so today is the day

Tonight when my dad and brother go to bed, I'm gonna tie my rope and hang myself. Thanks to everyone on this board, you guys are all so kind and wonderful, I've seen some wonderful people ctb and now it's my turn, I'm nervous rn, but happy. I'll update this post if I failed and pussy out. Thanks again, I'll make sure to party in heaven. Thanks for making my last 2 months bareable. Goodbye

 

[crazy_rainbow]

hope you find your peace, whatever happens. make sure to be careful and not let SI ruin it and get you in trouble.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

im sorry to see you go @MrDarkness. this life was unnecessarily cruel to you

 

[MrDarkness]

im sorry to see you go @MrDarkness. this life was unnecessarily cruel to you

Indeed, I hope life becomes better for you , didn't deserve any of the awful shit done to you, it was fun talking to you. Best wishes

hope you find your peace, whatever happens. make sure to be careful and not let SI ruin it and get you in trouble.

I've tried to od before, but I'm so depressed idc anymore so si won't happen I hope

 

[AllFoxedOut]

Indeed, I hope life becomes better for you , didn't deserve any of the awful shit done to you, it was fun talking to you. Best wishes

thank you. your presence on this forum has been a positive one!

 

[Jamesun]

See you I think it's goodbye, thank you and I hope you can find some peace of mind

 

[HighFlight]

I'm truly sorry for the problems that have led you to this point. I feel your pain, in that I was a high school loser too.

I was the smallest kid in my class, in the 1980s - the decade of physical bullying. I spent way too much time inside of the school lockers. Girls would look at me in disgust. I finally lost my v-card at age 25. I had no friend group, and was constantly bullied and ridiculed for 4 years.

After leaving HS, I turn my life around in college and never looked back. Yes the scars and painful memories still remain to this day.

The point is that as bad as it seems now, you have options, especially at 18. Ultimately, it's your decision to make and no one here will think less of you regardless of the path you choose. But please think before you act. And if you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

 

[absolutelyyou]

I hope you are able to find the peace you deserve after so much pain.

 

[Euthanza]

18yo means you've been living 6 to 7 thousands days. Such a young age, personally I think 27yo is ideal (about 10k days) but I do realize reality is far from ideal. Tbh I feel sorry this life hasn't been nice to you. Peace be upon you, young man.

 

[Pluto]

I know how it feels to be stuck with an abusive family and an uncaring outer world. It was similar for me at your age. To this day I sometimes think I should have called it quits back then, so I completely understand where you are at.

If you happen to change your mind, I can tell you what I learned about getting out of that situation.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. Life is often so unfair and cruel. I'm sad seeing you go. The community will miss you! I wish you all the best and I hope you find the strength you need. May you find peace & freedom! Good luck and farewell!

 

[lazyegg]

i hope things get better for you whichever path you choose. my family dynamic was also like yours where my mom had to work a lot while my dad was unkind and exploitive towards her. im sorry you had to experience all of that growing up as it does leave a mark on you. a damaging childhood hurts. im sorry that things have led you to think that leaving is the only viable option you have to move on. <3

 

[StoneTomato]

Sad to see you go

 

[FadingSunshine]

Fuck man I did not expect to see this post this soon, you were the first friend I made on ss and I really enjoyed our conversations. I'm sorry the universe treated you in such a shitty way, you didn't deserve that at all. I'll wish you a peaceful journey and I'll look back at our conversations with happiness. And if you decide not to go through with it feel free to pm me about anything.

 

[Touhou]

Farewell, I hope you're able to find what you've been searching for postmortem. Remember not to let your SI get in the way.

 

[MrDarkness]

Fuck man I did not expect to see this post this soon, you were the first friend I made on ss and I really enjoyed our conversations. I'm sorry the universe treated you in such a shitty way, you didn't deserve that at all. I'll wish you a peaceful journey and I'll look back at our conversations with happiness. And if you decide not to go through with it feel free to pm me about anything.

Thanks, don't worry I'll be watching over lol, I'll think of everyone in my final moments

I'm truly sorry for the problems that have led you to this point. I feel your pain, in that I was a high school loser too.

I was the smallest kid in my class, in the 1980s - the decade of physical bullying. I spent way too much time inside of the school lockers. Girls would look at me in disgust. I finally lost my v-card at age 25. I had no friend group, and was constantly bullied and ridiculed for 4 years.

After leaving HS, I turn my life around in college and never looked back. Yes the scars and painful memories still remain to this day.

The point is that as bad as it seems now, you have options, especially at 18. Ultimately, it's your decision to make and no one here will think less of you regardless of the path you choose. But please think before you act. And if you want to talk, feel free to PM me.

I'm well aware, your right your honesty right, but sadly I'm sick of the randomness of life, I want it to be over, but thanks it means a lot

 

[cheese.out]

Im very sorry that you had to experience so much bs in such young age. As many other already said: its your choice, if you realy want to do it, ofcourse i wish you all peace and love, but please be absolutely sure before you act. @HighFlight55 already said it very well imo. Please pm me or another person if you want to talk. Im sure almost no one here wont do this "everything gets better" bs talk and wont judge you for anything. Maybe there are other options for you possible now so you can get out of this situation.

Whatever your decision will be, I wish you all the best❤

 

[PinkyStat]

Man, that was fast I didn't thought i would see you posting your goodbye thread today, I saw sometimes your comments as you were very active, that may be weird because even though we didn't talk once i will miss to see your comments sometimes xD, Good Luck man!

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

 

[strawberrynymph]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

There's no judgment here I hope you're able to find peace

 

[deomlez]

I am so broken to read about parents uncare and school bullying. It kills slowly, destroying self confidence and push you to death.
Have a self trip to the end of pain.

 

[SVEN]

Good wishes Mr D, we're all at the mercy of fate. Glad you're still with us meantime.

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

You never wasted anyone's time. It's hard when an attempt fails. But you still have us.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

There was no time wasted at all here!!! None of us wants to be alone in such a crucial moment! And as much as failing hurts it's not a problem! It wasn't time to go for you yet. You will stay with the community for now!!

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

Hello @MrDarkness,
I think, now you have particularly difficult time, so I wish your time will be a bit less unbearable.
How do you feel right now? Totally hopeless? Or, perhaps, a bit relieved?

For me, what the most important is your feeling, not my time.
I'm praying for you

 

[Euthanza]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

Fully understandable. I think many of us here including me have similar exhausting experience and there's no shame about it. Take your time easy and have a rest for awhile so you can stand up strong again; Funfact (at least for me) sleeping is almost as good as death.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I'm still alive, I was able to almost pass out but the rope gave out, sorry for wasting everyone time

I'm sorry. you didn't waste our time. I'm glad that you're still with us though, as selfish as that is. you can reach out to me via DM if you need to talk!

any idea why the rope gave out?

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be dreadful failing a ctb attempt, I just see it as being so cruel how people have to resort to such barbaric and risky methods, it's inhumane how people cannot just escape from all the suffering in peace. But anyway best wishes.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm sorry. you didn't waste our time. I'm glad that you're still with us though, as selfish as that is. you can reach out to me via DM if you need to talk!

any idea why the rope gave out?

The slipknot wasn't the best, I was able to finally almost pass out, but I grew too weak and I fell forward causing it to give out, tourniquet method is the one I'm going to use in the future

 

[Crono]

The slipknot wasn't the best, I was able to finally almost pass out, but I grew too weak and I fell forward causing it to give out, tourniquet method is the one I'm going to use in the future

what exact type of noose did you use? Can you show a link or something, I hope it's not the same one I intend to use.



I will use this one:

Slip Knot - How to tie a Slip Knot

How to tie a slip knot with illustrated and animated examples

www.netknots.com