Story My goodbye post. [failed]

[MrDarkness]

what exact type of noose did you use? Can you show a link or something, I hope it's not the same one I intend to use.



I will use this one:

Slip Knot - How to tie a Slip Knot

How to tie a slip knot with illustrated and animated examples

www.netknots.com

I used a slipknot, but mine was too lose, it just gave out or unraveled, it's fine, just make sure to do it properly

Hello @MrDarkness,
I think, now you have particularly difficult time, so I wish your time will be a bit less unbearable.
How do you feel right now? Totally hopeless? Or, perhaps, a bit relieved?

For me, what the most important is your feeling, not my time.
I'm praying for you

Tired just tired

 

[Techef]

my dad didn't want to have kids so he didn't really care for me and my brother

My mother never wanted children, but was obligated to (ethnic/cultural thing). So there was plenty of abuse and neglect + weird combination of over-protectiveness and suffocating control. My father was a kind and gentle soul, but was abused by his father, and was afraid to involve himself in his children's lives. Not to mention he took abuse from my mother and often didn't fight back, let alone protect us from her. Even after adulthood and independence, my mother continued to stalk her children and try to use/control/abuse us. Tried to cut her out of our lives, but she was a genius in terms of finding us and messing with our lives. Getting authorities/the law involved in family matters turned out to be ugly business.

In the end, genetics from my father's side of the family caught up with me leading to chronic and terminal illness, which ultimately is the reason I'm CTB'ing, but even if I were physically healthy I might still be suicidal because of how much my mother abused me throughout my life.