hihi2027
Member
- Jul 29, 2026
- 13
Hello everyone. I know this type of thread is created basically every week, so you may just skip over this one. This thread probably won't get that many reacts or comments because my story is not that interesting or, I suppose, 'tragic'. It's not going to be remembered by anyone nor will I be remembered by anyone. But I would appreaciate it if you did not skip this thread and gave my story the time of day. I'm under so much psychological stress right now so I want to know that someone understands my pain.
The reason I will commit ctb is because I do not like being alive. If you look on the outside everything looks normal. But no one can see the numbness, the depression, the anxiety. Everyday is a humiliation ritual. I never feel compentent, I am not good at anything. There is no point in having dreams anymore because they will never come true. I am not skilled enough or talented enough to make any of my projects to come to fruition. I all ready see the futuee ahead of me and it is very bleak. It will be a life of regret, a medicore, awful existence. All that will be left of it is me slowly passing away of old age after achieveing nothing in life. I absolutely cannot bear the thought of reaching old age. I am not going to continue to live until that happens, it's just too awful of an idea. I want to end it as painlessy and as quickly as possible.
I already have a method and a plan in place, it is just a matter of reaching the conditions to execute it. Right now, I need to get a car so I can get away from home when the moment is right. I am lucky to live in an area where I can easily purchase a firearm to blow my brains out. My hero is a 12 gauge shotgun slug to the brainstem. I even have the angle planned, just behind the ear. I have to gather the funds in order to purchase one though. Then there's the matter of location. I cannot do it at the house because there's no way to do it without getting caught by the parent. I'll have to rent a room somewhere and there I will finally have some privacy. Maybe I can just drive somewhere and then shoot myself in the car.
It's terrible how hard they make it for people who want to die. We have to go through all these steps to ensure the least painful method. Plus society's outlook on ctb and how we are treated for a condition that they play a large part in inflicting us with.
I'll update this thread when I make some progress on my plan. Please wish me luck. It is going to be a long, awful process. I hope I will finally get peace by the end of it.
The reason I will commit ctb is because I do not like being alive. If you look on the outside everything looks normal. But no one can see the numbness, the depression, the anxiety. Everyday is a humiliation ritual. I never feel compentent, I am not good at anything. There is no point in having dreams anymore because they will never come true. I am not skilled enough or talented enough to make any of my projects to come to fruition. I all ready see the futuee ahead of me and it is very bleak. It will be a life of regret, a medicore, awful existence. All that will be left of it is me slowly passing away of old age after achieveing nothing in life. I absolutely cannot bear the thought of reaching old age. I am not going to continue to live until that happens, it's just too awful of an idea. I want to end it as painlessy and as quickly as possible.
I already have a method and a plan in place, it is just a matter of reaching the conditions to execute it. Right now, I need to get a car so I can get away from home when the moment is right. I am lucky to live in an area where I can easily purchase a firearm to blow my brains out. My hero is a 12 gauge shotgun slug to the brainstem. I even have the angle planned, just behind the ear. I have to gather the funds in order to purchase one though. Then there's the matter of location. I cannot do it at the house because there's no way to do it without getting caught by the parent. I'll have to rent a room somewhere and there I will finally have some privacy. Maybe I can just drive somewhere and then shoot myself in the car.
It's terrible how hard they make it for people who want to die. We have to go through all these steps to ensure the least painful method. Plus society's outlook on ctb and how we are treated for a condition that they play a large part in inflicting us with.
I'll update this thread when I make some progress on my plan. Please wish me luck. It is going to be a long, awful process. I hope I will finally get peace by the end of it.
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