My ctb: 13 june by jumping

[Defenestration]

6 jours

How to fight si?

 

[SomePersonIGuess]

I wish you all the best. Good luck!

 

[rozeske]

I wish you the best. I hope you find the peace and freedom you search for

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

6 jours

How to fight si?

Je viens de me rendre compte que tu peux pas voir que je te reponds en français lol.

Is it SI or do you just not want to do it?

 

[Defenestration]

Je viens de me rendre compte que tu peux pas voir que je te réponds en français mdr.

Est-ce SI ou tu ne veux tout simplement pas le faire ?

a bit of both. in a few months my life will get worse... I have to do it. the medications don't work because they relax me and at the moment of the jump make me love life. I tell myself that if I really want it, I can do it, lots of people have done it before me.

I speak english for all understand.
i hate si
PLease advices

 

[Defenestration]

it's crazy how the notion of time changes when you know that death is approaching

 

[Defenestration]

Days-4

 

[Andrew10]

Are you going to catch the bus on the same day as my birthday? Well, if you are really willing, that day I will think of you and wish you peace and calm for your soul when everyone tells me to make a wish.

Whatever decision you make. I send you a big hug and I wish the best for you. Peace !

 

[Defenestration]

I will try....SI Is very strong few seconds before jumping

 

[Defenestration]

I feel lonenly...

 

[sugarh1gh]

How you holding up?

 

[Sakura.]

I will assiduously follow the European Athletics Championships I love athletics

Hi! How do you like them so far?

Do you like women's high jump? Did you watch qualifying on Friday? This is my favorite athletics competition!

Unfortunately, I couldn't watch the qualifying. I hope I can watch the finals! I am glad that my favorite Mirela Demireva, and my equally favorite Lia Apostolovski, qualified for it.

It is a pity that Yuliia Levchenko and Airinė Palšytė did not succeed, and that due to her nationality, the absolute champion, Mariya Lasitskene, will not take part in it.

 

[Defenestration]

Hi! How do you like them so far?

Do you like women's high jump? Did you watch qualifying on Friday? This is my favorite athletics competition!

Unfortunately, I couldn't watch the qualifying. I hope I can watch the finals! I am glad that my favorite Mirela Demireva, and my equally favorite Lia Apostolovski, qualified for it.

It is a pity that Yuliia Levchenko and Airinė Palšytė did not succeed, and that due to her nationality, the absolute champion, Mariya Lasitskene, will not take part in it.

Sorry not high jump.
y.levchenko beautiful

I love throws and shot put

How you holding up?

I try...
I want CTB when everything is going well because I am too afraid of the future and the very difficult things that I will experience because of me and ly family... I know it's very selfish. I want to die in beauty
J

Good luck, I hope you find the peace and freedom.

Motivation i Say me again and again: jumping is freedom ...death is ataraxy

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

I really hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Defenestration]

I really hope you find the peace you are looking for.

Big thanks i Hope need motivation to jump

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

Big thanks i Hope need motivation to jump

Is this going to be your first attempt ever?

 

[Defenestration]

Is this going to be your first attempt ever?

Yes and no
I try to jump 14 june 2023 ans 19 april 2024
But impossible....

best of luck and sweet dreams

Dream to Never wake up

 

[sugarh1gh]

I try...
I want CTB when everything is going well because I am too afraid of the future and the very difficult things that I will experience because of me and ly family... I know it's very selfish. I want to die in beauty
J

It's okay, it's not selfish. You are making decision for yourself. That's alright. I wish I never wake up the next morning.

 

[Defenestration]

C'est bon, ce n'est pas égoïste. Vous prenez la décision pour vous-même. C'est bon. J'aimerais ne jamais me réveiller le lendemain matin.

Same but my family will be EXTREMELY SAD

 

[Hotsackage]

It's posts like this the people like tentacrul would see, psychiatry can't admit to failure tho, y would they. I'm sorry for your suffering, I wish there were another way

 

[Defenestration]

Good night...tomorrow
4 days...
Sometimes no need to live.
I haaaaate SI

It's posts like this the people like tentacrul would see, psychiatry can't admit to failure tho, y would they. I'm sorry for your suffering, I wish there were another way

My psy dont find any solution...he Said me that he was in Big difficulty with me...
I Saw Séveral psy since january 2008.
Dreaming killed in my night
4 days

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

By the way, if i may ask:
How old are you? What's your gender?
It's okay if you don't feel like answering.
Sorry, I'm just curious.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

Sending you wishes of peace on your journey home.

 

[Defenestration]

By the way, if i may ask:
How old are you? What's your gender?
It's okay if you don't feel like answering.
Sorry, I'm just curious.

37.
Gender: gay
But the love of my life died in 2022

Sending you wishes of peace on your journey home.

Thanks

Sending you wishes of peace on your journey home.

Thanks
The closer it gets, the more I lose my motivation to die... pffff... but I have been suicidal since 2004... nothing has improved and in the coming months it will be 10 times worse and I will no longer be able to commit suicide because I will have to take care of my loved ones. I already took care of my partner 24 hours a day for a year and a half before his death. I don't feel the strength to take care of my parents. cesr ultra selfish I'm ashamed

 

[black and white]

Bonne chance alors...

I just spent three days in mountains, starving, tired and exhausted. During the night i was attempting by suspending myself on some 40 meters bridges, with rocks below (there are several in the same area). I tried again and again, i did took pills to relax and force myself...
But i fail, i just can't. It's even surprising i'm still alive because so starved (ate almost nothing since two weeks), dehydrated, lack of sleep i could have slip considering the physical and mental condition i was in. It was very dangerous any movements could have been the end.

I come to the conclusion that i just can't make it obviously. I should have understand it months ago already when i've not been able to let it go and et let myself fall from my balcony. Now my situation is even worst than ever financially, without home at the end of the month etc...

If you don't succeed, just don't blame yourself, it's very very difficult to achieve (no matter the method, i tried martial hanging, did past out for two seconds and SI kicked in violently and made me back and stop it). That's really surprising so much people make it every year. I think we maybe have a common points here on the forum that explains we're still alive. Not being weak, even if it could appear this way but being sensitive, overthinking, easily afraid, many examples to understand how our SI easily win against us. I think the people who succeed does'nt overthink much and do it straight. It's clear that a very strong determination and impulsivity is required. We're maybe not the most impulsive people. Because that last impulse is very hard to get, at least in my case.

 

[Defenestration]

Bonne chance alors...

Je viens de passer trois jours en montagne, affamé, fatigué et épuisé. Durant la nuit j'essayais en me suspendant sur des ponts d'une quarantaine de mètres, avec des rochers en contrebas (il y en a plusieurs dans la même zone). J'ai essayé encore et encore, j'ai pris des pilules pour me détendre et me forcer...
Mais j'échoue, je ne peux tout simplement pas. C'est même surprenant que je sois encore en vie car tellement affamé (presque rien mangé depuis deux semaines), déshydraté, manque de sommeil j'aurais pu glisser vu l'état physique et mental dans lequel j'étais. C'était très dangereux n'importe quel mouvement aurait pu être la fin .

J'arrive à la conclusion que je ne peux tout simplement pas y arriver. J'aurais dû le comprendre il y a déjà des mois, alors que je n'arrivais pas à lâcher prise et que je me laissais tomber de mon balcon. Maintenant ma situation est encore pire que jamais financièrement, sans logement à la fin du mois etc...

Si vous ne réussissez pas, ne vous blâmez pas, c'est très très difficile à réaliser (peu importe la méthode, j'ai essayé la pendaison martiale, je me suis évanoui pendant deux secondes et SI est intervenu violemment et m'a fait reculer et l'arrêter) . C'est vraiment surprenant que tant de gens y parviennent chaque année. Je pense que nous avons peut-être un point commun ici sur le forum qui explique que nous sommes toujours en vie. Ne pas être faible, même si cela peut paraître ainsi mais être sensible, trop réfléchi, facilement effrayé, autant d'exemples pour comprendre comment notre IS gagne facilement contre nous. Je pense que les gens qui réussissent ne réfléchissent pas trop et font les choses correctement. Il est clair qu'une très forte détermination et impulsivité sont nécessaires. Nous ne sommes peut-être pas les gens les plus impulsifs. Parce que cette dernière impulsion est très difficile à obtenir, du moins dans mon cas.

Que c'est triste ton histoire...
oui pleins de gens SANS maladies mentales se suicident...sans préparer autant...plein de gens se tuent en n'ayant pas toutes nos informations...
I change my mood very suddenly I no longer want to suddenly I want to die

 

[Defenestration]

Bonne chance alors...

Je viens de passer trois jours en montagne, affamé, fatigué et épuisé. Durant la nuit j'essayais en me suspendant sur des ponts d'une quarantaine de mètres, avec des rochers en contrebas (il y en a plusieurs dans la même zone). J'ai essayé encore et encore, j'ai pris des pilules pour me détendre et me forcer...
Mais j'échoue, je ne peux tout simplement pas. C'est même surprenant que je sois encore en vie car tellement affamé (presque rien mangé depuis deux semaines), déshydraté, manque de sommeil j'aurais pu glisser vu l'état physique et mental dans lequel j'étais. C'était très dangereux n'importe quel mouvement aurait pu être la fin.

J'arrive à la conclusion que je ne peux tout simplement pas y arriver. J'aurais dû le comprendre il ya déjà des mois, alors que je n'arrive pas à lâcher prise et que je me laisse tomber de mon balcon. Maintenant ma situation est encore pire que jamais financièrement, sans logement à la fin du mois etc...

Si vous ne réussissez pas, ne vous blâmez pas, c'est très très difficile à réaliser (peu importe la méthode, j'ai essayé la pendaison martiale, je me suis évanoui pendant deux secondes et SI est intervenu violemment et m'a fait reculer et l'arrêter) . C'est vraiment surprenant que tant de gens y réussissent chaque année. Je pense que nous avons peut-être un point commun ici sur le forum qui explique que nous sommes toujours en vie. Ne pas être faible, même si cela peut paraître ainsi mais être sensible, trop réfléchi, facilement effrayé, autant d'exemples pour comprendre comment notre IS gagne facilement contre nous. Je pense que les gens qui réussissent ne réfléchissent pas trop et font les choses correctement. Il est clair qu'une très forte détermination et impulsivité sont nécessaires. Nous ne sommes peut-être pas les gens les plus impulsifs. Parce que cette dernière impulsion est très difficile à obtenir, du moins dans mon ca

Advices for me to fight si?

 

[billie]

I hope you find the peace you are looking for

 

[black and white]

Advices for me to fight si?

Just shared it to you, to remember how it is difficult... I was sure about my choice, no changing moods like you, and it changed nothing, i just failed again and again. I don't have any advices to fight SI or i won't be there. I tried pills, and being very tired, changed nothing. The only thing i Can Say is: it's all about the final impulse. clearly it must be made directly,fastly without any thoughts or hesitations...
So it's up to you to try and see. Everyone is different, i'm not saying that this final impulse impossible to achieve for me, is true for anyone. No one knows before trying it.

As your mood is changing from wanting it to not wanting it, as i know you don't have places where you can go easily and try everytime you want and as you feel suicidal since 20 years; i have the feeling that it will be difficult. Or you won't be there. I think many of us on the forum don't succeed, just can't do it.

I dont know if i will have suicidal crisis later or not. But i tend to think i will try to avoid it as possible. Those last months were hell especially those last days, trying again and again, it was really hard to handle. I'm still shocked and exhausted. I know the next weeks and months will be very hard as i did put myself in the baddest situation possible to force me to ctb. So the Time coming will be crazy hard but no choice, i will have to assume it and do my best to get out this phase. Dying violently is damn hard to achieved unfortunately. I would prefer be dead, but i can't that's it.

So i'm clearly not in a good position to give advices about SI. Asi said, i think it's just about a very determined impulse. The most fast, direct way to act is the only chance. If you try you'll know it quickly if you can or not.

 

[TheLastBoyOnEarth]

how are you feeling today?