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greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
not gonna lie i'm kind of offended that you guys are saying this is a fraud. i didn't answer posts for a year because i ended up in a residential mental health facility for 9 months. after that i was in recovery and stayed off of this site for my mental health to stay on the right track. i ended up relapsing a few weeks ago so i returned and then left again to try and get back on the right track. now i'm back again. and it was my mistake to blame hormones, it was a misunderstanding because i understood the effect of hormones wrongly. but i hate that people will try to call my attempt fake. it was extremely traumatic for me but what i have been willing to share was to help others. please don't call me a fraud because i don't answer every single question and because i got my facts wrong
I never thought it was a fraud. I remember you called someone after taking the SN so it makes sense that you got medical assistance. Your description of the attempt seemed very real. My heart goes out to you after what you must have been through this past year.
 
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C

Circles

Visionary
Sep 3, 2018
2,297
not gonna lie i'm kind of offended that you guys are saying this is a fraud. i didn't answer posts for a year because i ended up in a residential mental health facility for 9 months. after that i was in recovery and stayed off of this site for my mental health to stay on the right track. i ended up relapsing a few weeks ago so i returned and then left again to try and get back on the right track. now i'm back again. and it was my mistake to blame hormones, it was a misunderstanding because i understood the effect of hormones wrongly. but i hate that people will try to call my attempt fake. it was extremely traumatic for me but what i have been willing to share was to help others. please don't call me a fraud because i don't answer every single question and because i got my facts wrong
I want to say I'm very sorry if I came off as rude. I for one didn't say anything about you faking your attempt but I was just confused by what you went through cause it seemed unique from what I've read and then what you said about the hormones. You probably won't take my apology I understand but again I'm sorry. Take care if you can.
 
L

lifeisbutadream

Warlock
Oct 4, 2018
798
not gonna lie i'm kind of offended that you guys are saying this is a fraud. i didn't answer posts for a year because i ended up in a residential mental health facility for 9 months. after that i was in recovery and stayed off of this site for my mental health to stay on the right track. i ended up relapsing a few weeks ago so i returned and then left again to try and get back on the right track. now i'm back again. and it was my mistake to blame hormones, it was a misunderstanding because i understood the effect of hormones wrongly. but i hate that people will try to call my attempt fake. it was extremely traumatic for me but what i have been willing to share was to help others. please don't call me a fraud because i don't answer every single question and because i got my facts wrong


I'm sorry i made u feel bad, Willit. It's not u really, just words on a screen that i addressed, so i wldnt take anything people say to u on an internet forum personally. If u feel like talking about it, exactly what happened to you? Many others here r considering that method so i think they'd like to know too.
 
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willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
3,205
I'm sorry i made u feel bad, Willit. It's not u really, just words on a screen that i addressed, so i wldnt take anything people say to u on an internet forum personally. If u feel like talking about it, exactly what happened to you? Many others here r considering that method so i think they'd like to know too.
as can be seen at the first part of this thread, i followed the plan listed, i had no access to an antiemetic and to ask my doctor for one would have been suspicious as my family knew i was suicidal. i didn't have a good scale so i used measuring spoons and i didn't have the emotional energy to leave me house to bother to buy the materials to test the purity or anything like that. those were probably my downfall. i eventually fell unconscious after texting my boyfriend and telling him i was dying, i didn't specify what i had done but he frantically called my dad since i lived at home who eventually woke up and apparently found me not breathing. i have no way of knowing how long this was after i became unconscious. nevertheless, he performed CPR and called 911. i also made the mistake of leaving the bottle of SN laying out so the EMS knew what i had taken and were able to give me methalyne blue (idk how to spell it). i was intubated and kept on medical observation but was up and walking within 12 hours. i was admitted to a psych ward and they decided i needed to go to a long term residential facility. so off i went for 9 months
 
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aminend

aminend

Warlock
May 24, 2020
746
as can be seen at the first part of this thread, i followed the plan listed, i had no access to an antiemetic and to ask my doctor for one would have been suspicious as my family knew i was suicidal. i didn't have a good scale so i used measuring spoons and i didn't have the emotional energy to leave me house to bother to buy the materials to test the purity or anything like that. those were probably my downfall. i eventually fell unconscious after texting my boyfriend and telling him i was dying, i didn't specify what i had done but he frantically called my dad since i lived at home who eventually woke up and apparently found me not breathing. i have no way of knowing how long this was after i became unconscious. nevertheless, he performed CPR and called 911. i also made the mistake of leaving the bottle of SN laying out so the EMS knew what i had taken and were able to give me methalyne blue (idk how to spell it). i was intubated and kept on medical observation but was up and walking within 12 hours. i was admitted to a psych ward and they decided i needed to go to a long term residential facility. so off i went for 9 months
How much was peaceful SN for u?
 
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willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
3,205
How much was peaceful SN for u?
my memory has been fogged as it was so long ago and i had so many traumatic things happen right after, but from what i remember it was somewhat painful, mostly just nausea. the thing that freaked me out and got me to text my boyfriend was panic. i still wanted to die but i think it was my subconscious mind going into SI fight or flight. i'm not sure why i tried to save myself bc i distinctly remember still really wanting to die
 
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E

Eternity04

Zzzz
May 2, 2020
23
my memory has been fogged as it was so long ago and i had so many traumatic things happen right after, but from what i remember it was somewhat painful, mostly just nausea. the thing that freaked me out and got me to text my boyfriend was panic. i still wanted to die but i think it was my subconscious mind going into SI fight or flight. i'm not sure why i tried to save myself bc i distinctly remember still really wanting to die
Sorry if I sound wrong or anything but how painful was it?
 
willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
3,205
Sorry if I sound wrong or anything but how painful was it?
probably a like 6/10 not completely sure. it wasn't excruciating, it definitely would be manageable
 
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greyhound

greyhound

Arcanist
Oct 8, 2020
471
i was admitted to a psych ward and they decided i needed to go to a long term residential facility. so off i went for 9 months

What was your experience at long term residential facility? It sounds like you did change to more of a recovery mindset for a while at least?
 
willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
3,205
What was your experience at long term residential facility? It sounds like you did change to more of a recovery mindset for a while at least?
it was hell. that's actually why i ended up getting better for awhile because i wanted out and i never wanted to deal with a place like that ever again. i ended up restrained for no reason, i was verbally abused on the daily, i was manipulated and i witnessed physical and emotional abuse happen to all of the other residents as well. it was understaffed and very poorly regulated. that's why i'm holding out on another attempt until there is no possibility of failure because i can't go through that again
 
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dustyfurcollector

dustyfurcollector

Experienced
Dec 17, 2021
299
probably a like 6/10 not completely sure. it wasn't excruciating, it definitely would be manageable
Hi. Sorry for the question so long a after this, but I didn't see this in the thread (do you call it that? I'm sorry, it's been like 30 years since I was on a forum) you'd not had access to other things. Did you take a pain reliever and it was still that bad, or did you not take anything?

Thank you
I could not imagine 9 months. I just couldn't. God that is terrible.

Same here. As terrible as this is, I have to plan. I cannot have failure. I have SN and Propanolol but your recollection of it makes me pretty anxious. I'd rather get down the N and just have 3 minutes of a hopefully peaceful transition into unconsciousness.
Hi. Sorry to bother after so long, but isn't N $10,000+? That would take me a decade to save for. Holy crap
I could not imagine 9 months. I just couldn't. God that is terrible.

Same here. As terrible as this is, I have to plan. I cannot have failure. I have SN and Propanolol but your recollection of it makes me pretty anxious. I'd rather get down the N and just have 3 minutes of a hopefully peaceful transition into unconsciousness.
Hi. Sorry to bother after so long, but isn't N $10,000+? That would take me a decade to save for. Holy crap
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,393
Pegasos is 10k+. If you obtained N independently you're looking at a little over 1k right now. The PPH handbook is linked above this subforum with information.
 
dustyfurcollector

dustyfurcollector

Experienced
Dec 17, 2021
299
Pegasos is 10k+. If you obtained N independently you're looking at a little over 1k right now. The PPH handbook is linked above this subforum with information.
Thank you. I thought I'd seen in the pph that I read from like a November 2021 drop said 10k. I must be misremembering
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,393
The highest I've seen mentioned here is $750/bottle. The pph quotes it lower but it's outdated.

I got my eyes on two bottles so I hope it never gets outrageous in price.
 
dustyfurcollector

dustyfurcollector

Experienced
Dec 17, 2021
299
The highest I've seen mentioned here is $750/bottle. The pph quotes it lower but it's outdated.

I got my eyes on two bottles so I hope it never gets outrageous in price.
I must truly be misremembering. Or maybe it was another currency. Thanks for the correction. Makes much more available
 
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Foresight

Foresight

Enlightened
Jun 14, 2019
1,393
Yes, well wishes to you
 
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willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
3,205
sometimes i look back at this and wonder how many prolife lurkers have seen my account of an attempt. weird to think about
 
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