Discussion Advice on suicide note

[kirillbledny]

I read a bunch of threads on suicide notes on here already, and almost all of them say to explicitly rid your family of guilt by writing that they could not have done anything differently, to say you love them etc. I keep going back and forth on leaving a note. My family has caused a lot of psychological damage and refuse to acknowledge it even years later. My letter is angry and blames them for what I think they need to be blamed for. I think about what they've done to me all the time, every day, but they should somehow be absolved of that feeling when I die? It's not fair, ik life's not fair but still.

Which makes me want to not leave them with anything at all. Because I can't bring myself to lie and write how much I love them and how there's nothing they've ever done wrong. It was easy writing such a note for my best friend, because it's true in his case. I started keeping a journal a few months ago where I just write how I feel in the moment, so maybe that would be better to leave them with, since it's more of an observation of my mind rather something addressed to them specifically.

Is anyone in a similar position? I also feel like it's dramatic and selfish to leave such a note anyway, and if I survive, I'd have to live with everyone having read them, so I really don't know. I've never written any notes during my previous attempts.

 

[Nat.]

I completely understand how you feel because I hate my family, and they're responsible for many of the traumas I have now. But I don't have them in my life anymore, so I wouldn't include them in my suicide note. I would include my rapist. I think it's okay not to forgive, to feel hatred, and to express it toward the people who have hurt you. I have to live with the trauma caused by my rapist; he can live with the trauma of what he has done. It's your suicide note. It shouldn't be what other people want or need it to be.

As for surviving, can you schedule it far enough in advance so that, in case you survive, you can cancel the sending?

 

[rembleeds]

Your last words should be whatever you want or need them to be. If that's positive, great. If that's negative, great. If that's nothing, great. It's *your* note that others will happen to read.