Discussion Advice on suicide note

[kirillbledny]

I read a bunch of threads on suicide notes on here already, and almost all of them say to explicitly rid your family of guilt by writing that they could not have done anything differently, to say you love them etc. I keep going back and forth on leaving a note. My family has caused a lot of psychological damage and refuse to acknowledge it even years later. My letter is angry and blames them for what I think they need to be blamed for. I think about what they've done to me all the time, every day, but they should somehow be absolved of that feeling when I die? It's not fair, ik life's not fair but still.

Which makes me want to not leave them with anything at all. Because I can't bring myself to lie and write how much I love them and how there's nothing they've ever done wrong. It was easy writing such a note for my best friend, because it's true in his case. I started keeping a journal a few months ago where I just write how I feel in the moment, so maybe that would be better to leave them with, since it's more of an observation of my mind rather something addressed to them specifically.

Is anyone in a similar position? I also feel like it's dramatic and selfish to leave such a note anyway, and if I survive, I'd have to live with everyone having read them, so I really don't know. I've never written any notes during my previous attempts.

 

[Nat.]

I completely understand how you feel because I hate my family, and they're responsible for many of the traumas I have now. But I don't have them in my life anymore, so I wouldn't include them in my suicide note. I would include my rapist. I think it's okay not to forgive, to feel hatred, and to express it toward the people who have hurt you. I have to live with the trauma caused by my rapist; he can live with the trauma of what he has done. It's your suicide note. It shouldn't be what other people want or need it to be.

As for surviving, can you schedule it far enough in advance so that, in case you survive, you can cancel the sending?

 

[rembleeds]

Your last words should be whatever you want or need them to be. If that's positive, great. If that's negative, great. If that's nothing, great. It's *your* note that others will happen to read.

 

[cantthinkofusername]

just be honest about the good and the bad.

 

[endlesschatter]

I read a bunch of threads on suicide notes on here already, and almost all of them say to explicitly rid your family of guilt by writing that they could not have done anything differently, to say you love them etc. I keep going back and forth on leaving a note. My family has caused a lot of psychological damage and refuse to acknowledge it even years later. My letter is angry and blames them for what I think they need to be blamed for. I think about what they've done to me all the time, every day, but they should somehow be absolved of that feeling when I die? It's not fair, ik life's not fair but still.

Which makes me want to not leave them with anything at all. Because I can't bring myself to lie and write how much I love them and how there's nothing they've ever done wrong. It was easy writing such a note for my best friend, because it's true in his case. I started keeping a journal a few months ago where I just write how I feel in the moment, so maybe that would be better to leave them with, since it's more of an observation of my mind rather something addressed to them specifically.

Is anyone in a similar position? I also feel like it's dramatic and selfish to leave such a note anyway, and if I survive, I'd have to live with everyone having read them, so I really don't know. I've never written any notes during my previous attempts.

I think this makes sense. We should write something that could help them ease down the pain of the loss.. I'm feeling so sad by the thought of their pain if i ctb successfully.
Ughh, why is it all so confusing. This thought triggered some emotion in my mind just now. It's weird. It's stopping me from the idea of ctb because i can't see them in pain..
What is this i don't knowwwww

 

[kirillbledny]

I think it's okay not to forgive, to feel hatred, and to express it toward the people who have hurt you. I have to live with the trauma caused by my rapist; he can live with the trauma of what he has done. It's your suicide note. It shouldn't be what other people want or need it to be.

Idk why, I just kinda thought I "had" to leave one for my family cuz they're basically the only social interaction I get irl, so they should get an explanation. Although it might not do what I want it to do which is understand my reasoning, since everyone just assumes you're insane if you ctb.

As for surviving, can you schedule it far enough in advance so that, in case you survive, you can cancel the sending?

I think the scheduling makes sense, for some reason it only crossed my mind with my friend who lives in a different country.

I think this makes sense. We should write something that could help them ease down the pain of the loss.. I'm feeling so sad by the thought of their pain if i ctb successfully.
Ughh, why is it all so confusing. This thought triggered some emotion in my mind just now. It's weird. It's stopping me from the idea of ctb because i can't see them in pain..
What is this i don't knowwwww

It's not enough to really stop me, and there's only a few people in my family I feel actually bad for (my grandma and siblings) if/when I ctb successfully. I also thought of writing nice stuff for them specifically, but I'm just so exhausted and emotionally dead that when I tried, it just sounded very empty/dishonest/generic. It is really complicated, I wish I was never born so I didn't have to deal with all this bs

 

[freycinetia]

I think it's perfectly valid to not give the people who've hurt you any comfort or reassurance. Leaving them with a lie just to cushion the blow won't do you any favors anyway.

You can maybe consider just using a suicide note to give instructions and answer some lingering questions (why did you do it, how could you leave people behind, etc.), but at the end of the day you don't really owe them anything.