My bus is coming (SN)

[Deleted member 18655]

I have no idea what influenced it, I was nervous just before going to sleep, but when I woke up in the morning I was calm. Today I have read all guides and case reports about SN. Many people wrote that this method was not painful, so it comforted me. A few hours ago, I cried for a few minutes and felt relieved, since then I've felt even more relaxed.
My peace of mind is also due to the fact that I have been preparing for this day for several months. I lived each day with the thought that my end would be soon. Thanks to this, I did not feel remorse that I was not doing anything productive, in the end I know what to come. So I was alive and doing what I wanted.

Thank you I might just frame this and put it somewhere prominent so I can remind myself each day for the next few weeks as I get ready.

 

[Sbinalla]

Echoing what others have said - we'll love you and support you no matter what you decide! If you'd decide to stick around - I'm around your age, too, so if you ever need a friend, I'm here to talk!

 

[CoffinDance]

I probably go like this, but im not sure:
3:40 am- 600mg ibuprofen
4:10 am- 2 tablets of maalox
4:40 am- SN drink
I don't want do this in the dark, I will go when it lighten up a bit.
Feelings: a little nervous, a little calm, and very sleepy.

 

[rt1989526]

What time zone are you in?

 

[CoffinDance]

What time zone are you in?

UTC+01:00
Okay, taking antacids and measure the SN.
22g in 45 ml, second dose if vomited 17g in 40ml.

 

[CoffinDance]

I have problem, I measure 22g and I try to dissolve it in water, but it is still not dissolved.
Edit. 5 am
I came back to home. I will try tomorrow. 1.The storm is coming 2. I have to check SN why didn't dissolve.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

Do you have a jar with a lid? You could shake it.

 

[CoffinDance]

Do you have a jar with a lid? You could shake it.

Lid? My SN is really clumpy and it is in plastic jar.
Today afternoon I will shake it and try dissolve in water.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I suggest you do a blood test with the SN. It should dissolve easily in water. Also, just because the seller says it's 98% pure doesn't mean it is. I bought lab grade 99% pure SN that didn't turn my blood anywhere near dark enough, so I would have suffered but probably not died. Then I bought another product number from the same seller, also 99% pure lab grade, and blood turned dark enough.

 

[CoffinDance]

I suggest you do a blood test with the SN. It should dissolve easily in water. Also, just because the seller says it's 98% pure doesn't mean it is. I bought lab grade 99% pure SN that didn't turn my blood anywhere near dark enough, so I would have suffered but probably not died. Then I bought another product number from the same seller, also 99% pure lab grade, and blood turned dark enough.

Thank you, I will do a blood test.

 

[CoffinDance]

I feel very tired. I was hoping it would all be over tonight. I will cry if my SN turns out to be useless. I can't take days in school to waiting to get SN. In addition, I have no way to buy SN from other sellers, because they do not accept cash on delivery, and I do not have a bank account. The current SN that I have was the only one that I could buy cash on delivery online. I have enough, I'm going to sleep to distract myself from it all.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I'm sorry I'm so late to this thread. Reading it made me so sad. As a former college professor, I weep for all the 18-year olds who feel life has been so harsh that they need to take their own lives. I myself was 19 when I first wanted to end my life, so I understand. But still, I feel like your mind should be full of dreams for a positive, limitless future. Instead, society has been harsh and has made you feel like there is no path forward. That causes me great sadness.

I have mixed feelings right now. Selfishly, I am glad that you get to live another day. However, you wrote with such determination that I feel your pain for having to endure longer than you'd hoped. I have been through the SN process twice before (without actually drinking it). It should dissolve quite easily. How long have you had it and where was it stored?

 

[CoffinDance]

I'm sorry I'm so late to this thread. Reading it made me so sad. As a former college professor, I weep for all the 18-year olds who feel life has been so harsh that they need to take their own lives. I myself was 19 when I first wanted to end my life, so I understand. But still, I feel like your mind should be full of dreams for a positive, limitless future. Instead, society has been harsh and has made you feel like there is no path forward. That causes me great sadness.

I have mixed feelings right now. Selfishly, I am glad that you get to live another day. However, you wrote with such determination that I feel your pain for having to endure longer than you'd hoped. I have been through the SN process twice before (without actually drinking it). It should dissolve quite easily. How long have you had it and where was it stored?

Nice to hear from you. :) I got a good night's sleep and I feel better now.
I haven't tested the SN yet. But if it turns out to be ineffective, I'm not going to break down. I have the strength to survive a few more days at school and get a new SN. Though I don't know how to do it at this point. : D
Actually, I understand your approach. I also think that the age of 18 is too early to quit and I would suggest that a person of this age think 100 times more. However, I know that I am not like other peers, of course I am not very mature either, but I have been planning today for months. I have read the tutorials hundreds of times, also translating them with several translators to understand each word. Not to mention the fact that I have known about the plans for today for several years, and I have been preparing for it throughout this year. I did not avoid doctors or therapists because I knew that it is wise to heal myself first than to take my own life immediately. So to sum up, I'm not surprised at your reaction, you don't know me, I'm just another ordinary teen with problems who can make a spontaneous decision. It's perfectly normal for people to approve of other actions, because they hope that this young man's life is not all that bad.
I explained myself a bit, but I don't expect everyone to understand me and accept my decision. However, I have not encountered such behavior here. You are a wonderful community.
I bought SN a dozen days ago and opened it only yesterday. It is packed in a plastic box.
Hmm... In fact, maybe it's a good thing I didn't catch the bus today. The weather was terrible, the glasses were probably too small, and I could use another blanket. And it was so dark! I saw absolutely nothing. Well, it was a dress up rehearsal. : D

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

You sound very interesting and very mature for your age. I wish I had gotten to know you better. I do hope you find the peace you so desperately seek, in whatever way transpires.

 

[CoffinDance]

I checked how the SN reacts with blood and the blood turned dark brown very quickly, so the purity of the SN is as stated by the seller.
I also tried to dissolve 22 grams of SN in 4 tablespoons of warm water (about 60ml) and it dissolved. Probably I added too little water recently and it was too cold.
If the weather is fine, I'll catch the bus tomorrow morning.

 

[anxivoid]

I suggest you do a blood test with the SN. It should dissolve easily in water. Also, just because the seller says it's 98% pure doesn't mean it is. I bought lab grade 99% pure SN that didn't turn my blood anywhere near dark enough, so I would have suffered but probably not died. Then I bought another product number from the same seller, also 99% pure lab grade, and blood turned dark enough.

It worries me. I hope I ordered a good one, because I have not any options to order another if something goes wrong :С

 

[CoffinDance]

It worries me. I hope I ordered a good one, because I have not any options to order another if something goes wrong :С

I know your pain. I was so worried this wouldn't melt and I'd have to ask someone to buy it for me.
I keep my fingers crossed that your order will be perfect!

 

[Smellanie]

Remember no shame in changing your mind. Thank you for making this thread to help others see the process. I did not know you could do a blood test with SN so it's been educational for me! <3 no matter what you choose.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I was mostly offline for the last few days because I didn't have the strength to write. Fortunately, I checked the forum again today to be able to see your farewell.

How I would have liked to have known you before, you make an incredibly strong impression on me. Not because you might be taking the bus tomorrow.
It is your rational way of writing about the topic, how long you have been preparing it.

It hurts incredibly when someone says goodbye to us at such a young age.
But I am just so happy that you can finally find your peace with your decision.

I understand your pain very well because age does not matter. You endured your agony at an early stage in your life when you could not protect yourself from it. You would probably have this possibility in the future, but it is too late for you, you are already burned.

I wish you a pleasant journey, may you arrive at your destination peacefully

And if you miss the bus, we'd all be happy to hear more from you.

Goodbye my friend, we will meet again soon

 

[MsMaudlin]

You seem so decided and sure.
Sending you love and strength, I hope your passage is a peaceful and easy one.
❤

 

[mem12]

Whatever you choose, peace be with you

 

[Smudgedlines]

I was mostly offline for the last few days because I didn't have the strength to write. Fortunately, I checked the forum again today to be able to see your farewell.

How I would have liked to have known you before, you make an incredibly strong impression on me. Not because you might be taking the bus tomorrow.
It is your rational way of writing about the topic, how long you have been preparing it.

It hurts incredibly when someone says goodbye to us at such a young age.
But I am just so happy that you can finally find your peace with your decision.

I understand your pain very well because age does not matter. You endured your agony at an early stage in your life when you could not protect yourself from it. You would probably have this possibility in the future, but it is too late for you, you are already burned.

I wish you a pleasant journey, may you arrive at your destination peacefully

And if you miss the bus, we'd all be happy to hear more from you.

Goodbye my friend, we will meet again soon

You are such a lovely person.

 

[CoffinDance]

I was mostly offline for the last few days because I didn't have the strength to write. Fortunately, I checked the forum again today to be able to see your farewell.

How I would have liked to have known you before, you make an incredibly strong impression on me. Not because you might be taking the bus tomorrow.
It is your rational way of writing about the topic, how long you have been preparing it.

It hurts incredibly when someone says goodbye to us at such a young age.
But I am just so happy that you can finally find your peace with your decision.

I understand your pain very well because age does not matter. You endured your agony at an early stage in your life when you could not protect yourself from it. You would probably have this possibility in the future, but it is too late for you, you are already burned.

I wish you a pleasant journey, may you arrive at your destination peacefully

And if you miss the bus, we'd all be happy to hear more from you.

Goodbye my friend, we will meet again soon

Thank you very much for such a valuable post. Your warm and thoughtful words are wonderful to read.

Really, thank you all! I smile when I read your posts and I feel calmer. It is an amazing feeling when such an extreme decision is not condemned by anyone, but taken into account with complete caution and empathy.

So the plans are the same as yesterday. However, I will write about my experiences in the chat. Please someone copying my messages from chat to this thread.
As for the account, I am asking the administration to delete it if I do not contact you within a month.

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I checked how the SN reacts with blood and the blood turned dark brown very quickly, so the purity of the SN is as stated by the seller.
I also tried to dissolve 22 grams of SN in 4 tablespoons of warm water (about 60ml) and it dissolved. Probably I added too little water recently and it was too cold.
If the weather is fine, I'll catch the bus tomorrow morning.

If there was a god I would pray for you for nice weather.
Unfortunately that doesn't work, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

 

[less than]

I hope you find peace regardless of your decision.

 

[CoffinDance]

If there was a god I would pray for you for nice weather.
Unfortunately that doesn't work, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you

You don't have to. The weather is pretty good tonight.

And I have got an idea. In my plan I was going to spread a thick blanket under a tree on the grass. But I saw a garden chair in the front of my house and maybe it is better choice to take it with me. But on the other hand there is possibility that I will fall from it when I pass out.
I didin't say this before, but yesterday I was afraid of wild animals. After all, it is a wild and overgrown meadow. Hmm, I probably will feel safe by sitting in chair than laying on grass.

I wish I could ctb in my house in a warm bed or any room, which could protect me from rain, wind, cold, dark, weeds and animals.

I feel a little bad at the thought that the coroners will have to carry my body across this meadow. :D I wish they had a shorter path.

 

[Alec]

You don't have to. The weather is pretty good tonight.

And I have got an idea. In my plan I was going to spread a thick blanket under a tree on the grass. But I saw a garden chair in the front of my house and maybe it is better choice to take it with me. But on the other hand there is possibility that I will fall from it when I pass out.
I didin't say this before, but yesterday I was afraid of wild animals. After all, it is a wild and overgrown meadow. Hmm, I probably will feel safe by sitting in chair than laying on grass.

I wish I could ctb in my house in a warm bed or any room, which could protect me from rain, wind, cold, dark, weeds and animals.

I feel a little bad at the thought that the coroners will have to carry my body across this meadow. :D I wish they had a shorter path.

I'm thinking about you, I love you

 

[Meditation guide]

probably will feel safe by sitting in chair than laying on grass.

You will need to be lying down. People report that they become dizzy. I hope you find peace. Please if you can do keep us posted on what you do. My thoughts are with you.

 

[CoffinDance]

I'm taking SN in 5 min. I will describe my feelings on chat.
SN completely dissolved, the water is crystal and have yellowish color.

 

[Sbinalla]

Hey! Are you doing okay? How are you? Sending you love right now.
Nevermind, I just saw that they went. Wishing peace them right now.