maggineko
Holding on 'till May
- Aug 10, 2026
- 85
Uhh context...Last Sunday, my mother made fun of me for wearing a little makeup in the morning. It was trivial, but it sent me spiraling and crying, and I've been crying everyday since then.
Yesterday, I thought it was getting better and I hadn't needed to cry. Of course, my progress had to be pushed back haha.
Today, Saturday, the family was heading out for church. Obviously, I have to come along haha. I'm an altar server, so I have to. Conveniently, I was halfway through writing my back-up suicide note (more on that next time) so I was already feeling raw.
I was drying my hair in my room before I left to hang my towel outside, and my mother called out "Are you ready to go? You doing your makeup?"
I stopped in my tracks and stared at her. I almost was gonna just break down in front of there right there. She got offended and said to me, "What's the matter now? Every Saturday is the same drill. Why did you make that face at me?"
"What face?" I asked, hanging my towel.
"A face like you're irritated."
"I didn't know I was making a face."
"Well, now I'm telling you, and now you know."
I mumbled, "And I don't know what you want me to do about that," while heading into my room and cried for like...5 seconds. Most inconvenient time for a break down, and currently writing this in the backseat of the car with music in my earphones willing myself not to cry lol. I've still yet to process what the fuck just happened. I feel so lightheaded. Brain fog.
Song of the day: Ironic, by Alanis Morisette
"Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right..." And ironically, my mother loves this song.
Yesterday, I thought it was getting better and I hadn't needed to cry. Of course, my progress had to be pushed back haha.
Today, Saturday, the family was heading out for church. Obviously, I have to come along haha. I'm an altar server, so I have to. Conveniently, I was halfway through writing my back-up suicide note (more on that next time) so I was already feeling raw.
I was drying my hair in my room before I left to hang my towel outside, and my mother called out "Are you ready to go? You doing your makeup?"
I stopped in my tracks and stared at her. I almost was gonna just break down in front of there right there. She got offended and said to me, "What's the matter now? Every Saturday is the same drill. Why did you make that face at me?"
"What face?" I asked, hanging my towel.
"A face like you're irritated."
"I didn't know I was making a face."
"Well, now I'm telling you, and now you know."
I mumbled, "And I don't know what you want me to do about that," while heading into my room and cried for like...5 seconds. Most inconvenient time for a break down, and currently writing this in the backseat of the car with music in my earphones willing myself not to cry lol. I've still yet to process what the fuck just happened. I feel so lightheaded. Brain fog.
Song of the day: Ironic, by Alanis Morisette
"Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you when you think everything's okay and everything's going right..." And ironically, my mother loves this song.
