Morality about telling someone if they leave you will die

[Scythe]

What I'm going to say might be a bit controversial, but I ask you to read until the end.
So I see that a lot of people don't want to tell their lovers they will die if they break up under any circumstances. I see that as wrong, because people should know the consequences of their actions. Of course, if the other party doesn't care, or have past interactions where they just didn't understand your problems. Or doing so risks being locked up. Then I get why you wouldn't tell.
However, sometimes a relationship just doesn't work but both parties involved still care about each other, I feel that they should be at least presented with the consequences of their actions. Just make it clear it's not a guilt trip. This can open oppertunities to work things out. If you never tell them, they will just be left with the a bunch of what if questions, on how things could've been different. Sure, if it doesn't work out and you choose to die anyways. The other party can still have what if questions left, but I think it's better to try to find a solution with your lover first rather than quietly ending your life after the breakup with only a note left behind or even less.

 

[Oblivion]

No, it's emotional blackmail and you would entrap them, or they wouldn't fall for it and when you actually do it they would end up being fucked up, best is to never tell them

 

[FadingSunshine]

Yeah I feel like this would just hurt your partner, probably best not to do this.

 

[Scythe]

No, it's emotional blackmail and you would entrap them, or they wouldn't fall for it and when you actually do it they would end up being fucked up, best is to never tell them

But they find out anyways that you die right? Most of the time they would find out. So better to let them know first. I don't think this counts as blackmail as you aren't doing this to hurt them, more so doing it for yourself. Personally, the ones aware of my ctb plans are all glad that I told them and they can prepare for it.

 

[lita-lassi]

its emotional manipulation no matter how you intend it to come across, sorry. whether youre just being honest or not, its still considered manipulation because youre threatening them with an action and putting responsibility for your actions on them and that's not fair. i think in certain it's more fair for people to maybe know potential consequences (if you leave i fear i MIGHT) but predicting the future for another person so solidly is manipulation

 

[Scythe]

its emotional manipulation no matter how you intend it to come across, sorry. whether youre just being honest or not, its still considered manipulation because youre threatening them with an action and putting responsibility for your actions on them and that's not fair. i think in certain it's more fair for people to maybe know potential consequences (if you leave i fear i MIGHT) but predicting the future for another person so solidly is manipulation

I'm sure they can't be the only reason for someone's death. If you make it clear they would only be one of the contributing reasons it'd be fine. I think it would be unfair if they don't know the potential consequences of their actions. If you don't tell them, when they most likely find they will blame themselves for it. Unless you plan on dying at a much later date.

 

[lita-lassi]

its still emotional blackmail

 

[Greyscale]

I'm sure they can't be the only reason for someone's death. If you make it clear they would only be one of the contributing reasons it'd be fine. I think it would be unfair if they don't know the potential consequences of their actions. If you don't tell them, when they most likely find they will blame themselves for it. Unless you plan on dying at a much later date.

Regardless of whether you tell them or not, they may end up blaming themselves. If you choose to share it with the expectation that it will improve your relationship, it might feel like you're holding their emotions hostage.

 

[ipmanwc0]

Immoral

 

[spinningmyself]

What I'm going to say might be a bit controversial, but I ask you to read until the end.
So I see that a lot of people don't want to tell their lovers they will die if they break up under any circumstances. I see that as wrong, because people should know the consequences of their actions. Of course, if the other party doesn't care, or have past interactions where they just didn't understand your problems. Or doing so risks being locked up. Then I get why you wouldn't tell.
However, sometimes a relationship just doesn't work but both parties involved still care about each other, I feel that they should be at least presented with the consequences of their actions. Just make it clear it's not a guilt trip. This can open oppertunities to work things out. If you never tell them, they will just be left with the a bunch of what if questions, on how things could've been different. Sure, if it doesn't work out and you choose to die anyways. The other party can still have what if questions left, but I think it's better to try to find a solution with your lover first rather than quietly ending your life after the breakup with only a note left behind or even less.

If it wasn't working before I doubt it would work to keep them with you and if it does they might end up miserable and also hating you. Sometimes love just can't fix shit. I am sorry you are going through this.

But they find out anyways that you die right? Most of the time they would find out. So better to let them know first. I don't think this counts as blackmail as you aren't doing this to hurt them, more so doing it for yourself. Personally, the ones aware of my ctb plans are all glad that I told them and they can prepare for it.

I would think if you said to them, if you leave I am going to kill myself, that is really kind of like blackmail

 

[Scythe]

Regardless of whether you tell them or not, they may end up blaming themselves. If you choose to share it with the expectation that it will improve your relationship, it might feel like you're holding their emotions hostage.

I'm not saying there had to be an expectation? I mean you can just bring it up as a factor to consider, and try to work things out again. If it doesn't work, tell them it's fine. Like either way, the lover will mostly likely blame themselves might as well try to work things out, if anything try to make the breakup less hurtful by staying in touch afterwards or smth like that.

If it wasn't working before I doubt it would work to keep them with you and if it does they might end up miserable and also hating you. Sometimes love just can't fix shit. I am sorry you are going through this.

I would think if you said to them, if you leave I am going to kill myself, that is really kind of like blackmail

I'm not going through this, just wanted to say that in some cases you should let people know the consequences of their actions. If you word it imporperly, of course it would be blackmail, just lile telling anyone you want to die with bad wording is a bad idea. If it's not working tell them it's fine, they should just know that an abrupt breakup can cause a suicide attempt.

 

[TheSource]

If you're suicidal, disclose that you're suicidal. Saying "if you leave me, I may kill myself" or any other wording is manipulation.

you should let people know the consequences of their action

That right there is already manipulation and blackmail. It's not a consequence of their actions. They didn't choose to hold the reins of your willingness to live. You put that in their hands without them knowing, even if you didn't mean to. It's a consequence of your own actions.

lover will mostly likely blame themselves might as well try to work things out

If it wasn't going to work out before you told them, it certainly won't work out after. If they choose to stay because you put your life in their hands, they'll hate their own life. And it will create resentment. "Might as well" nothing. It's never a good idea. They might blame themself either way, but don't you blame them.

If you know you're suicidal and will determine whether you live or die based on your relationship with somebody, don't start a relationship with them. To get with them and then tell them you killing yourself is a result of their actions is blackmail and manipulation.

You know you're suicidal. You know you'd kill yourself if you broke up. You chose to be with them. It's a consequence of your own actions. Never put it on someone else. Especially not a partner.

 

[BornToFail]

I understand the thought but I think it is wrong. I have had people tell me that. Even if you do say that, it will never be the outcome you want.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

"If you leave me I'm going to kill [person]."

No matter whose name you insert into that variable, even if it's your own, the problem will always be that you are falsely attributing their decision to an action you have full autonomy over. Forget the guilt, and "being honest", and trying to work things out. That's all nonsense.

It's the good old "Look what you made me do!" of abusers.
"See, I didn't WANT to hit you, but you did X and made me angry. This is all your fault."
It's the same thing and it's textbook manipulation.

 

[spinningmyself]

I'm not saying there had to be an expectation? I mean you can just bring it up as a factor to consider, and try to work things out again. If it doesn't work, tell them it's fine. Like either way, the lover will mostly likely blame themselves might as well try to work things out, if anything try to make the breakup less hurtful by staying in touch afterwards or smth like that.

I'm not going through this, just wanted to say that in some cases you should let people know the consequences of their actions. If you word it imporperly, of course it would be blackmail, just lile telling anyone you want to die with bad wording is a bad idea. If it's not working tell them it's fine, they should just know that an abrupt breakup can cause a suicide attempt.

I am glad you are not going through this.

 

[Worndown]

Holding someone hostage, physically or emotionally, is never right.

 

[xxkaylooxx]

my ex constantly threatened suicide and it actually made me attempt multiple times as a way to get out. I sincerely thought the only way for the relationship to end was if one of us died and was tired of his empty threats

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sure they can't be the only reason for someone's death. If you make it clear they would only be one of the contributing reasons it'd be fine. I think it would be unfair if they don't know the potential consequences of their actions. If you don't tell them, when they most likely find they will blame themselves for it. Unless you plan on dying at a much later date.

Really though- by having that conversation- you are telling them that they will be the triggering factor. They probably already realise their partner is having difficulties. It doesn't feel fair to me to say your survival depends on them- even if it's true. Still- maybe some people enjoy being in codependent relationships- I don't know.

Vaguely related to that- I feel like when my Dad dies, I will very likely want to CTB a whole lot more and there will be next to nothing stopping me. I don't want him to know that though. It's not like he can stop himself dying obviously but- even if he could- I'd hate for him to have that on his mind.

I think people do sometimes feel guilty after someone has CTB. Maybe they wish they had done more for the person. Maybe they do even wish they had known the person's intentions- so they could have done more. What if they still CTB despite the person staying though? I imagine then- they will feel even more guilt. They knew full well how near the edge their partner was and maybe- to their mind- they didn't do enough to help or stop them. I think being naive about how someone feels might in some cases be a buffer- they didn't even know to help. They didn't realise their leaving would tip that person over the edge.

In this scenario, we are talking about a person who wants to break up with another person. For whatever reason- they want to leave them. In what capacity then would they be staying if they were threatened with causing a suicide if they left? Maybe it would make them care about the person again but- for how long? How long does it go on for? Months, years? Is that fair on the other person? Do they still want to leave but are terrified of causing a death?

Presumably, that person is staying alive now but still has ideation. How often do they remind their partner that they can't and won't live without them? It may be honest but it does sound like emotional blackmail to me.

Something I've just thought of that is related I think: How would you feel if your partner said that if you CTB, they would too? I'd argue that that was the same thing. They are only being honest about how they feel. Yet- now, you know that your death may well cause theirs. Do you think that would be fair to tell you? Or- would that be emotional blackmail to get you to stay? I'd say both are emotional blackmail. Basically- do this or don't do that- or, I'll kill myself.

 

[outlook56]

I will never see it as manipulation. If a person really loves you and cannot leave you, and in fact you will die if you do not live with him, then you are telling him the truth, if your use is honest, of course.

my ex constantly threatened suicide and it actually made me attempt multiple times as a way to get out. I sincerely thought the only way for the relationship to end was if one of us died and was tired of his empty threats

"empty threats"
I think you do not know if it is empty or not. If my beloved died by suicide because of me, I will die after him. I am an emotional person, unfortunately.

No, it's emotional blackmail and you would entrap them, or they wouldn't fall for it and when you actually do it they would end up being fucked up, best is to never tell them

I may disagree with you, but in your opinion, the other manipulating person uses the most precious thing he/she has in life as a tool, which is life, which may be precious. Most often in life, I have been with people where a quarter of their salary goes to insurance because they want a continuous, healthy life. They do not want to die. I see the issue from another side, which is the side of the other person who may see that he cannot really live without the other person and will decide to die. The first person can refuse to continue and the other person will die

 

[Aergia]

but I think it's better to try to find a solution with your lover first

What sort of a solution would that be? They'd be staying with you under duress— forced to do it out of fear, when really the decision to ctb is entirely yours. Sure, their actions may influence that decision, but they aren't in any way responsible for what you choose, in the end, and it wouldn't be fair to imply otherwise.

 

[outlook56]

What sort of a solution would that be? They'd be staying with you under duress— forced to do it out of fear, when really the decision to ctb is entirely yours. Sure, their actions may influence that decision, but they aren't in any way responsible for what you choose, in the end, and it wouldn't be fair to imply otherwise.

We cannot place all the blame on the person who wants to commit suicide for love. On the contrary, I sympathize very much with the person who attempts suicide. Why do you place all the blame on him? He/she cannot see his life without the person he/she loves, I see many people here violently attacking psychiatrists! Imagine that your psychiatrist told you that he does not want to continue with you? It would be a shock, multiply it by 10. With your lover, who you slept and ate with, I think I would be stripped of humanity if I left him in this state.At least I will pave the way for him or help him. I did not love someone in order to hate him! Even if he misses a lot, he is a part of my soul