Venting moments of clarity

[busybee]

I keep having more and more suicidal momements where I don't feel the despair but instead absolute calmness, not even guilt, and that is scary. If I had a way to ctb in those moments I would be already gone.
Maybe the last parts of my mind are coming to terms with my wish to die.

 

[wagner2029]

I'm going through this, I believe it's phases, I'm putting it off one day after another, maybe something different will happen.