might be selfish for this

[missmeyet]

I hate my parents. Not because I believe they are bad people, but because they don't see the version of me I need them to see. They could be angels to me, and I would still reject their kindness because I've already given up on recovering. They're supposed to hate me, not cottle me. And the thing is, the more they do, the more I'm convinced I'm a shitty person. So it's this dumb loop of me trying to get them to hate me and me feeling worse in return. I could cut myself up, and it still wouldn't account for the things I've put them through and it isn't fair. I don't understand why they won't give up on me when I've already made the decision that I'd die before they'll convince me of anything.

 

[Jadeith]

I don't understand why they won't give up on me

Because they love you and parental love can be very strong. The fact that you've given up on yourself won't change that and won't make them giving up on you.
Just like you say "I'd die before they'll convince me of anything", they'd rather die than let you convince them to stop caring for you.
Does it make you shitty person? I don't think so. You want to lessen their suffering after your death and in order to do so you want them to hate you.
Ok, valid, i can understand that. Not necessarily agree but my agreement or lack of it is irrelevant. Thing is that it won't work. From what you said, you won't be able to make them hate you and you will only feel worse from trying again and again and failing. Guess they are as stubborn as you.