@chrisbate 7, respectfully, not ganging up on you here, I had a similar response to your post. Because of the way it was written, I had a response like you were pointing down, reaching in, and bossing me about my own process...which, coincidentally, has some similarities as far as working through readiness and capability. But my process is very personal, intimate, and not open to, well, domination nor being tied up with someone else's process and following their rules. Like I said, not going on the offensive, just stating the bounds of my own personal domain.
I would have had a response of "I feel some of that" rather than "back off" if the post had read something like this:
I've spent so much time researching methods. For me, it's the "fun" part of being suicidal. But I realized I also needed to spend more time on finding out if I am truly ready to die. Also, am I capable of carrying out the chosen method, that's huge for me. I don't know if I'm ready to die or if I'm capable to end my life. I can plan all I want, shit gets real once I pull the trigger or drink the SN.
Anyhow, I wish you well, and yeah, I can relate. I've had some shit gets real moments! Also, I found an element of the process, letter writing, made some shit in my life more real and it motivated me to finally, very definitively address something that I was never able to figure out how to when I was focusing on life. I've found contemplating suicide to be such a revelatory process, and I've noticed it has been for a lot of other members, too.