Mental suffering and unfulfilled sexual desire

[TheQ22]

I don't even think about sex any more, maybe that means I'm uber depressed, or maybe it was the ex wife who fucked up my head w.r.t being intimate (gory details below).

I suppose for some people who feel low, have low self esteem, poor self image or whatever, then not getting sex kind of validates their feelings about themselves, and forces them to compare themselves against other people - even though their feeling low is probably why they don't get any?

So it becomes a vicious circle.

W.r.t me - I went off sex with her while we were together because she never stopped criticising and nit picking and name calling and etc - so why would you want to have sex with someone who makes you feel like shit and you've started to resent?

Then, the last time we had sex we didn't have a condom (she wouldn't go on the pill, she was frightened she might "lose control" or it might kill her - she had same issues taking paracetemol sometimes), so we had sex anyway.

So you've just been intimate with someone which means making yourself emotionally vulnerable, and immediately after she explodes - "I can't believe you just did that to me"

Did what? What do you mean?

"Had sex without a condom."

Well I'm pretty sure you were there too, it wasn't just me.

"You don't care about me. I could get pregnant and at my age I could get seriously ill. I COULD DIEEEEEEEE! You could KILL MEEEEE!!!!!"

"Oh you don't care about me, you're horrible to me, you don't love me blaaaaahhhh blah blah"

Answer - don't have sex any more - is it surprising I didn't want to?

It was always like that - somehow I'd proved I didn't love her, didn't care, etc. Every time.

 

[jrums]

Yes I have had problems in my earlier life with performance anxiety and personality disorder that prevented me from fulfilling sexual relationships . Then I began to question whether I was homosexual which created identity crisis and severe OCD. Now as a result of antidepressants I am sexually dysfunctional. There is no point for me to exist. I have never experienced it, it's very pathetic and shameful.

Very similar to my story. Anxiety and OCD caused me to miss out on sexual relationships. Then the medication used to try and treat these issues and get laid caused sexual dysfunction. Permanently now. Throw in the fact that I got IBD from Accutane, which I used to clear up acne so I could be more confident around girls, and I really got fucked (metaphorically). The terrible irony. Thanks pharma.

 

[loginboy69]

ive had a fair amount of sex ,and im still on sanctioned , trust me it wont fulfil you

 

[muffin222]

I think sex is really overrated. It won't bring you long lasting happiness or meaning. It's a fleeting pleasure like many others. Once the chemical rush wears off afterwards, you're right back to where you were before, just slightly more tired.

 

[LenkaX]

ive had a fair amount of sex ,and im still on sanctioned , trust me it wont fulfil you

No, I know that it would fulfill me! But anyway I'm fat and ugly so no woman would ever want me and therefore I'll quit life soon.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I feel unworthy, I can't even make a dating site profile because my face disgusts me.
It's very frustrating because I need intimacy and sex

 

[Ghost2211]

Sex can cause as much harm as it can happiness, and having it can also lead down a path of trauma.

The problem with sex being the source of happiness is it comes from others, and if they don't want to give it you're back at zero. If sex is the only thing that will help it sets you up for being always chasing and always hungry since it's not something you can generate from yourself.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Very similar to my story. Anxiety and OCD caused me to miss out on sexual relationships. Then the medication used to try and treat these issues and get laid caused sexual dysfunction. Permanently now. Throw in the fact that I got IBD from Accutane, which I used to clear up acne so I could be more confident around girls, and I really got fucked (metaphorically). The terrible irony. Thanks pharma.

I loathe and despise the pharmaceutical industry and doctors. What a bunch of frauds. They have to pay off those student loans somehow I guess.

Kurt Cobain was one of the best-looking men I've ever seen (no homo), had plenty of cash, and could have had just about any girl he wanted but still killed himself.

I think it's mostly genetic.

I really don't know about whether it is genetic or not. After all, I never seriously thought about suicide until only a year ago and I'm already 28 and my situation even before then would've been considered dire.

I didn't have sex for the first time until at the end of last year with an escort and if I didn't do that I'd be even more bitter and pissed off than I am now which is hard to believe. I still feel like a virgin despite seeing her twice because of a variety of factors causing me to have zero sensitivity for vanilla sex (condom,circumcised, very depressed). Each time was a bit better and I plan on going for a third so hopefully it'll good enough to satisfy me that time.

For those who have had it, you would never understand the high mental toll it takes on your mind going without your entire life. I am grateful that I at least got to see a whore before the lights are turned off for good. I would be furious if I had to die a virgin!

 

[262653]

If the desire to fuck is here, then it's here, whether the subject wants to experience it or not. Also, I don't see how it's helpful or satisfying to say things like "don't beat yourself over sex, I've tried it for you, it's nothing special" to someone who never experienced it. Even if it will turn out as "nothing special" for someone who never experienced it before, at least it could help get rid of unreasonably high expectations.

And now that I'm here, does anyone know the name for the following fallacy?
Person 1 (P1) has the following attributes: A, B, C and D.
Person 2 (P2) has the following attributes: A, B and C.
P1 and P2 share some similar attributes, therefore they also share other attributes. (Assigning attribute D to P2.)
I see that it's not exactly one-to-one correspondence to saying to virgins that sex would turn out as "nothing special" for them too, if they would get any, but I couldn't come up with a better way to express it, so feel free to correct me.

 

[pua]

everybody is different,have different genetics,different desires,different purpose. i feel like a don juan. girls,love and sex are my life source.When i have girlfriend ı am the happiest man in the world.But i am an avarage looking guy and its not easy pick up a girl everytime for me, when i cant reach girls for a long time,i feel depreesed,don't want to do anything,feel suicidal

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Society should just build advanced sex robots already. Automatons built to love the unlovable. It would at least eliminate the physical need if they're customizable.

 

[SipSop]

70% of it is about how you look.
I observed this.
Women would fuck big guys or handsome guys without too much effort from them. Is more like a yes/no question. Not all that bs with flirting and dates and stuff.
If you know how to read and how to make a shower and have the looks you qualify to have at least 1 woman at once. And you don't have to know how to read that good. Subtitles is enough.
My humble opinion.

 

[J113632]

I think that is a realistic part of the unhappiness many of us feel but I don't think sex will ever bring a real feeling of fulfillment. In my last relationship I was intoxicated with the joy of being with someone. The intimacy of it was bliss. But that feeling doesn't last forever. Problems and hardships will always come and what was bliss before can turn into another addition of your constant suffering. With my mental illness sometimes a little happiness is all I need to see the overwhelming power it has over me. So I don't try for relationships or just sex. I know I will end up where I always do.

 

[Dude1983]

If u cant get bitches, pay them. Start with those who does not inspire much fear on u, u will satiate in a nice way, also reinforce ur confidence. Then start leveling up, or stay there if its enough for u , the best sex, is not always with the most beautifull ones.

 

[grungeCat]

What we truly lack isn't sex but being loved, needed and taken care of. I'm 21 but I am still a virgin and I have never engaged in any romantic relationship. It makes it less likely I will ever be loved. I think not being a virgin doesn't have any psychological function but it's just a message. So after all you aren't that bad.

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I wouldn't say that all of it is, but a lot more than I'm normally willing to admit. It's also inextricably linked to my feelings of lacking independence.

I typed a long thing out about how it manifested for me recently but then I was like woah haha no you can't say that. Suffice to say it's been a long time

 

[Nymph]

I haven't experienced teen love or any kind of romantic love too. I found out that I'm asexual. I still get some fantasies but I suppress them because if it would actually come to reality I wouldn't want to engage in it because it disgusts me. When I get these fantasies or something I found out that I suppress them with self harm. I used self harm for lots of things but that's one of them. Not encouraging it but there's temporary ways of self harm that could help you cope temporarily

 

[Wayfaerer]

No. I've fucked circa 100 people and I'm still depressed as hell.

Yup. Knew a woman at over 70 partners of both sexes, for more or less a new person every 2 months, totally unfulfilled with her life and consumed with self doubt.

This isn't a criticism but that isn't surprising. Promiscuity negatively impacts pair-bonding in women.

 

[timeisnigh]

It's not a criticism or a moral judgment, only cause and effect. You do what you want as it has no effect on me regardless. My point was is that it inhibits attachment and the problem is not parallel between the sexes. Are you happily married? You don't need to answer that question as it's none of my business, but just think about it.

Cool. Let's run with your theory. What robust evidence do you have to propr up your claim, that a grand jury wouldn't laugh all the way back to your supervisor's office?

 

[Emily_Numb]

It's not a criticism or a moral judgment, only cause and effect. You do what you want as it has no effect on me regardless. My point was is that it inhibits attachment and the problem is not parallel between the sexes. Are you happily married? You don't need to answer that question as it's none of my business, but just think about it.

Omg. I'm being coached by an incell about my marriage. Where's that bloody bus? I need to LEAVE. Absolute joker.

 

[Wayfaerer]

Cool. Let's run with your theory. What robust evidence do you have to propr up your claim, that a grand jury wouldn't laugh all the way back to your supervisor's office?

Unfortunately I had some handy links saved on one of my HDD's from years ago but I do not have access to the hard drive any longer. No matter, a simple google search will show you that the effects of the numbers of partners one has to marriage success and satisfaction. There are many reasons that the divorce rate in the US is equivalent to a coin toss and 40% of babies born today are bastard spawn. I really wouldn't want to be them, if you ask me.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Unfortunately I had some handy links saved on one of my HDD's from years ago but I do not have access to the hard drive any longer. No matter, a simple google search will show you that the effects of the numbers of partners one has to marriage success and satisfaction. There are many reasons that the divorce rate in the US is equivalent to a coin toss and 40% of babies born today are bastard spawn. I really wouldn't want to be them, if you ask me.

Are you happily married?
Can you get laid?
Do you have children?
Do you own your own house and car?

You reading a couple of studies on the matter that fit your narrative means nothing to me.

I think you're coming across as quite a bitter mysoginist to be honest and you wonder why you have to pay escorts? Work on your personality. Talking to women on here like they are some sort of lesser being simply because they've had more sex than you could ever dream, clearly isn't working for you.

 

[timeisnigh]

Unfortunately I had some handy links saved on one of my HDD's from years ago but I do not have access to the hard drive any longer. No matter, a simple google search will show you that the effects of the numbers of partners one has to marriage success and satisfaction. There are many reasons that the divorce rate in the US is equivalent to a coin toss and 40% of babies born today are bastard spawn. I really wouldn't want to be them, if you ask me.

It's fortunate you can't send me whatever dribble Ben Shapiro was mumbling as an undergrad

Dude, I'm not just saying this: GET FUCKING HELP

 

[Wayfaerer]

Are you happily married?
Can you get laid?
Do you have children?
Do you own your own house and car?

You reading a couple of studies on the matter that fit your narrative means nothing to me.

I think you're coming across as quite a bitter mysoginist to be honest and you wonder why you have to pay escorts? Work on your personality. Talking to women on here like they are some sort of lesser being simply because they've had more sex than you could ever dream, clearly isn't working for you.

It's fortunate you can't send me whatever dribble Ben Shapiro was mumbling as an undergrad

Dude, I'm not just saying this: GET FUCKING HELP

Actually, I don't pay for escorts, the US taxpayer does. you would post in such a thread about unfulfilled sexual desire but I don't think it was with the most honest of intentions. Anyway, I'm not going to escalate this because you can dish it out but won't take it and I'm not risking action taken against my account. You can disregard the data or not. Really, it doesn't even matter at this point. What's done is done is done, and there is no undoing our pasts so even if I were to be right (I am), there would be nothing that could improve anyone's situation here.

 

[timeisnigh]

Actually, I don't pay for escorts, the US taxpayer does. you would post in such a thread about unfulfilled sexual desire but I don't think it was with the most honest of intentions. Anyway, I'm not going to escalate this because you can dish it out but won't take it and I'm not risking action taken against my account. You can disregard the data or not. Really, it doesn't even matter at this point. What's done is done is done, and there is no undoing our pasts so even if I were to be right (I am), there would be nothing that could improve anyone's situation here.

Lolwut

I've slept with 1,000,000 women, men ,animals ,pies (not just you americans that do this )

I'd shag a crack in a plate

Thank you for making more sense than @Wayfaerer

 

[checkouttime]

Thank you for making more sense than @Wayfaerer

I'm not getting involved in that convo, getting a little too heated!!!!

 

[ZardozOmega]

What the hell is going on in this thread?

 

[LetzteAusfahrt]

I was also socially isolated all my life, had no relationship or partner, never had sex. I don't know what love feels like, I only know the pain of love that was never received. My mental illness was clearly a result of this and is now nourished by the unfulfilled desire for sex.

But I am sure that one cannot attribute everything to the lack of sex. The fact that I couldn't experience sex is a consequence of much deeper problems than a primary cause.

Blaming the lack of sex is too simple, too superficial

 

[BipolarGuy]

Omg. I'm being coached by an incell about my marriage. Where's that bloody bus? I need to LEAVE. Absolute joker.

What's an incell?

 

[noaccount]

High divorce rates are a blessing. For real.

When women stayed in 90 percent of marriages, it wasn't because they were "bonded," it was because they were trapped.