NSFW craving validation from men

[ihateittoo]

(contex: im a trans woman and all the men im talking abt are cis men, which is a large part of my relationship with this)

I first started noticing that i really liked getting romantic/sexual attention from guys when a guy in my friend group developed a crush on me. Previously I had only ever dated women, and although I knew I was bi I had for most of my life had a preference towards women. I really liked how it felt to know that a man was into me, it was a much better feeling compared to having a woman into me. I never ended up doing anything with the friend and we just ended up getting closer over the summer until he had to go to college in ohio.

When he came back home for this summer we started texting. At the time we were talking I had been drinking a little bit and impulsively invited him over. When he gets over its probably 1am and I have the house to myself. I invite him into my room and were watching tv in my bed when he starts holding my hand. I think it was then I realized that I didn't wanna have any kind of relations with him and had made a really stupid mistake. I ended up in response drinking a lot more to try and forget about the situation I was in. I rolled over facing away from him and he put his hand around my waist and rolls me back over so his arm is around me. By this point im really drunk and not saying much, just trying to keep my eyes open. I eventually get pretty uncomfortable with him having his hand around my waist so I sit up and suggest we go to the kitchen to get a snack. Even making the snacks he's being kinda touchy. I eventually say I'm gonna go to bed and he leaves my house. I know it's my fault for inviting him over and I should have expected that, it's more of a feeling of regret than feeling like anything wrong has been done to me. This situation, and all following ones are 100% my fault.

A few days ago I installed Grindr, I had heard that some trans women use it and I figured it was worth a shot as I have been single for a bit over a year now. I didn't expect to get many matches as a trans woman on a dating app for gay men but I started getting flooded with messages. I certainly dont look like a full on cis woman, but i've been taking estrogen long enough to where I dont think most gay men would date me. A large majority of the people who matched me did specifcy on their profile that they were into trans people. It felt honestly incredible to be flooded with messages of a bunch of 25-45 year old men in my area who all wanted to have sex with me. I put almost all of my value on how attractive I think I am to other, so it was a nice confidence boost. I know they only really view me being trans as a neat fetish object, but thats honestly better than how I think most people see me anyway. I ended up talking with a guy and going to snapchat where I ended up sending a few nudes of myself to him. I thought this guy was really ugly and was only doing it so he would say I looked good. He showered me with a ton of compliments and told me I looked perfect. Thats the most amount of love someone's showed me in a long time. But anytime I would talk about anything other than sex he would just get dry and steer it right back to the "come over to my place and suck me off". This guy was like 23, out of college and living on his own and I just graduated high school. He was honestly one of the younger people I talked too. I got hit up by around 150 people in 2 days, mostly mid to late 20s and 30's.

I deleted grindr after 2 days because I ended up feeling so gross knowing that I was wasting guys time because im an insecure person who wants sexual validation from strangers. im not proud of it at all, i have a bad relationship with sex and have ever since i was probably 12. truthfully im a bit scared of sex, so i dont know why I do these things.

 

[ilovecats1]

i honestly feel you i was in a similiar boat last year and i also lived from the high of seeing hundreds of men potentially wanting me one way or another. it feels like my only worth is through giving someone pleasure and now i feel like shit when i can never do that to my bf. the few times we have had sex it always ended up with him not being able to climax and i thought i could bear it for him when i do myself but it just starts hurting so much at some point when you dont want to and he notices so we stop and i feel worse because i couldnt just lie down and take it honestly. i feel so selfish because of it and ever since the last one he says hes asexual now and he doesnt even want to hug and that makes me feel bad because i made him like this and also that i in a selfishly disgusting way miss feeling desired at all.

 

[RinneOfAragon]

You sound like a trans version of me. I'm a biological woman and I have extremely bad self esteem. I have got into pickles with men because I wanted that validation. weirdly it's been more recently like I'm a teenager mentality. Even though I'm in my late 30s. I hate that I'm lonely in every way and that I want or need that to boost me.

 

[dearn]

I know the gross feeling you're talking about. Dw, you're valid .

I grew up with extremely low self-esteem. Growing up fat, ugly, and being North African in a country that doesn't want you there. I've been bullied all my life for things I can't change about who I am. I'm still suffering from eating disorders and other stuff. My mental health is so bad I've been depressed since I was 9.

When I got older and was able to post online, getting attention was a feeling I had never received from anyone, not even close family or friends. I never got compliments or anything. So right now, even if it creeps me out sometimes (one day, a weirdo took one of my pictures from TikTok and reposted it on 4chan, and since that day I've been a bit paranoid), even if it disgusts me how people talk about me, and even if I disgust myself, it's still a way for me to prove to myself that I am « finally » attractive.

IMO, I'm not, but that's not the debate. It's perfectly understandable for you to crave men's attention, and I think it must validate your transition. Love

 

[amechanirl]

feeling so gross after is so real. i always feel like ive become a disgusting succubus after begging for attention, i mostly post nudes on reddit for a quick dosage. hookups became hard after i became more of a NEET.

i understand trying to use this as a form of, if i dont love who i am, i need someone to prove to me im worth it.

 

[WaywardPassenger]

i'm glad to know that i'm not alone in the whole grindr validation thing. fresh out of hs and 18 i turned to grindr for validation and attention because i felt just so starved of human connection. it was all so gross, but just the feeling of being adored kept me coming back, even if its from gross guys. i even hooked up a few times; i saw it as a tradeoff to finally feel that human contact i was craving, since even just the feeling of a hug was too much to come by. its a slippery slope, but know that you're not alone and you're completely valid <3