ihateittoo
Member
- Jun 9, 2026
- 52
(contex: im a trans woman and all the men im talking abt are cis men, which is a large part of my relationship with this)
I first started noticing that i really liked getting romantic/sexual attention from guys when a guy in my friend group developed a crush on me. Previously I had only ever dated women, and although I knew I was bi I had for most of my life had a preference towards women. I really liked how it felt to know that a man was into me, it was a much better feeling compared to having a woman into me. I never ended up doing anything with the friend and we just ended up getting closer over the summer until he had to go to college in ohio.
When he came back home for this summer we started texting. At the time we were talking I had been drinking a little bit and impulsively invited him over. When he gets over its probably 1am and I have the house to myself. I invite him into my room and were watching tv in my bed when he starts holding my hand. I think it was then I realized that I didn't wanna have any kind of relations with him and had made a really stupid mistake. I ended up in response drinking a lot more to try and forget about the situation I was in. I rolled over facing away from him and he put his hand around my waist and rolls me back over so his arm is around me. By this point im really drunk and not saying much, just trying to keep my eyes open. I eventually get pretty uncomfortable with him having his hand around my waist so I sit up and suggest we go to the kitchen to get a snack. Even making the snacks he's being kinda touchy. I eventually say I'm gonna go to bed and he leaves my house. I know it's my fault for inviting him over and I should have expected that, it's more of a feeling of regret than feeling like anything wrong has been done to me. This situation, and all following ones are 100% my fault.
A few days ago I installed Grindr, I had heard that some trans women use it and I figured it was worth a shot as I have been single for a bit over a year now. I didn't expect to get many matches as a trans woman on a dating app for gay men but I started getting flooded with messages. I certainly dont look like a full on cis woman, but i've been taking estrogen long enough to where I dont think most gay men would date me. A large majority of the people who matched me did specifcy on their profile that they were into trans people. It felt honestly incredible to be flooded with messages of a bunch of 25-45 year old men in my area who all wanted to have sex with me. I put almost all of my value on how attractive I think I am to other, so it was a nice confidence boost. I know they only really view me being trans as a neat fetish object, but thats honestly better than how I think most people see me anyway. I ended up talking with a guy and going to snapchat where I ended up sending a few nudes of myself to him. I thought this guy was really ugly and was only doing it so he would say I looked good. He showered me with a ton of compliments and told me I looked perfect. Thats the most amount of love someone's showed me in a long time. But anytime I would talk about anything other than sex he would just get dry and steer it right back to the "come over to my place and suck me off". This guy was like 23, out of college and living on his own and I just graduated high school. He was honestly one of the younger people I talked too. I got hit up by around 150 people in 2 days, mostly mid to late 20s and 30's.
I deleted grindr after 2 days because I ended up feeling so gross knowing that I was wasting guys time because im an insecure person who wants sexual validation from strangers. im not proud of it at all, i have a bad relationship with sex and have ever since i was probably 12. truthfully im a bit scared of sex, so i dont know why I do these things.
I first started noticing that i really liked getting romantic/sexual attention from guys when a guy in my friend group developed a crush on me. Previously I had only ever dated women, and although I knew I was bi I had for most of my life had a preference towards women. I really liked how it felt to know that a man was into me, it was a much better feeling compared to having a woman into me. I never ended up doing anything with the friend and we just ended up getting closer over the summer until he had to go to college in ohio.
When he came back home for this summer we started texting. At the time we were talking I had been drinking a little bit and impulsively invited him over. When he gets over its probably 1am and I have the house to myself. I invite him into my room and were watching tv in my bed when he starts holding my hand. I think it was then I realized that I didn't wanna have any kind of relations with him and had made a really stupid mistake. I ended up in response drinking a lot more to try and forget about the situation I was in. I rolled over facing away from him and he put his hand around my waist and rolls me back over so his arm is around me. By this point im really drunk and not saying much, just trying to keep my eyes open. I eventually get pretty uncomfortable with him having his hand around my waist so I sit up and suggest we go to the kitchen to get a snack. Even making the snacks he's being kinda touchy. I eventually say I'm gonna go to bed and he leaves my house. I know it's my fault for inviting him over and I should have expected that, it's more of a feeling of regret than feeling like anything wrong has been done to me. This situation, and all following ones are 100% my fault.
A few days ago I installed Grindr, I had heard that some trans women use it and I figured it was worth a shot as I have been single for a bit over a year now. I didn't expect to get many matches as a trans woman on a dating app for gay men but I started getting flooded with messages. I certainly dont look like a full on cis woman, but i've been taking estrogen long enough to where I dont think most gay men would date me. A large majority of the people who matched me did specifcy on their profile that they were into trans people. It felt honestly incredible to be flooded with messages of a bunch of 25-45 year old men in my area who all wanted to have sex with me. I put almost all of my value on how attractive I think I am to other, so it was a nice confidence boost. I know they only really view me being trans as a neat fetish object, but thats honestly better than how I think most people see me anyway. I ended up talking with a guy and going to snapchat where I ended up sending a few nudes of myself to him. I thought this guy was really ugly and was only doing it so he would say I looked good. He showered me with a ton of compliments and told me I looked perfect. Thats the most amount of love someone's showed me in a long time. But anytime I would talk about anything other than sex he would just get dry and steer it right back to the "come over to my place and suck me off". This guy was like 23, out of college and living on his own and I just graduated high school. He was honestly one of the younger people I talked too. I got hit up by around 150 people in 2 days, mostly mid to late 20s and 30's.
I deleted grindr after 2 days because I ended up feeling so gross knowing that I was wasting guys time because im an insecure person who wants sexual validation from strangers. im not proud of it at all, i have a bad relationship with sex and have ever since i was probably 12. truthfully im a bit scared of sex, so i dont know why I do these things.
