Mental Healthcare: what has it done for you?

[Rez_MbChB]

India. And I'm not in Mumbai or Delhi. When I had my issues pop up, I was in Kolkata, which is a pretty shitty place. And then I went to a university where you have no rights. And I'm still at that university.

ah fuck man that sucks, so you cant go into the doctors at your uni and ask for lets say, 20mg fluoxitine? thats usually the starting dose where I practice and its non addictive, not really lethal, and doesent give a high or many servere side effects. It can really help sometimes, sucks its such a mission for you .

 

[RM5998]

ah fuck man that sucks, so you cant go into the doctors at your uni and ask for lets say, 20mg fluoxitine? thats usually the starting dose where I practice and its non addictive, not really lethal, and doesent give a high or many servere side effects. It can really help sometimes, sucks its such a mission for you .

Yeah, no... I wish it were that simple. There's no doctor-patient confidentiality either, it seems.

 

[not_a_robot]

I'd landed on BPD with my degree in amateur armchair psychology. But yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about either.

I'm not really interested in medication... I don't believe the money it will cost me in visiting fees to get to a decent doctor to be worth it.

Lithium is supposed to be good even for healthy people in small doses, that's the only reason I let them give it to me, but it makes me too sleepy, only take it once in a while. Not sure the research on this is totally settled.
But I have had drs prescribe meds that make me sick before, so I had to learn the hard way, do my own research because drs tell me harmful shit most of the time anyway. I'm done with them. Why pay them to do nothing? I chose lithium because it felt safest, won't even listen to dr anymore, I say what I want and if they talk back I just leave and buy on the internet.
I would not have thought of you as bpd because you seem so level-headed in your posts, but you know better than I. Do people tell you you seem cold/aloof/detached? Or temperamental/angry/all over tje place?

 

[RM5998]

Lithium is supposed to be good even for healthy people in small doses, that's the only reason I let them give it to me, but it makes me too sleepy, only take it once in a while. Not sure the research on this is totally settled.
But I have had drs prescribe meds that make me sick before, so I had to learn the hard way, do my own research because drs tell me harmful shit most of the time anyway. I'm done with them. Why pay them to do nothing? I chose lithium because it felt safest, won't even listen to dr anymore, I say what I want and if they talk back I just leave and buy on the internet.
I would not have thought of you as bpd because you seem so level-headed in your posts, but you know better than I. Do people tell you you seem cold/aloof/detached? Or temperamental/angry/all over tje place?

The cold/aloof/detached part is something I'm told most of the time I talk to people. The temperamental/angry/all over the place part is something I'm told when I'm playing DotA.
I've had oscillating periods of intense valuation and devaluation of people close to me, like my parents.

 

[not_a_robot]

Yeah, no... I wish it were that simple. There's no doctor-patient confidentiality either, it seems.

Nor here. I've got every social worker and shrink in town sharing info to fuck with my head. They keep interrupting finishing my sentences with stuff I've said in the past to try to fake "rapport" with me, its so childish.

The cold/aloof/detached part is something I'm told most of the time I talk to people. The temperamental/angry/all over the place part is something I'm told when I'm playing DotA.

Schizoid, probably. You are someone else when alone and playing pretend. Totally normal.

 

[Rez_MbChB]

Nor here. I've got every social worker and shrink in town sharing info to fuck with my head. They keep interrupting finishing my sentences with stuff I've said in the past to try to fake "rapport" with me, its so childish.

Fuck man, that sounds pretty fucked up. I guess its a precipitating situation? where they do it sometimes and then you become more paranoid and it becomes more apparent? Feel for you dude.

 

[been_there]

Dude that's totally sedimentary

 

[RM5998]

Nor here. I've got every social worker and shrink in town sharing info to fuck with my head. They keep interrupting finishing my sentences with stuff I've said in the past to try to fake "rapport" with me, its so childish.

Schizoid, probably. You are someone else when alone and playing pretend. Totally normal.

Playing someone else is sort of a necessity for me... I don't have a real self, just characters that I play before people. And yeah, this is one of them. The least reserved one, but a character nonetheless.

 

[not_a_robot]

Playing someone else is sort of a necessity for me... I don't have a real self, just characters that I play before people. And yeah, this is one of them. The least reserved one, but a character nonetheless.

Also I don't think your conflicted relationship with parents is part of a disorder, especially after the strange way they taught you language. Even if well intentioned, they programmed that feel of conflict into you when you were little by doing that. Communication issues in childhood are their own kind of trauma. Did they speak Bengali in front of you at all or only English?

 

[RM5998]

Also I don't think your conflicted relationship with parents is part of a disorder, especially after the strange way they taught you language. Even if well intentioned, they programmed that feel of conflict into you when you were little by doing that. Communication issues in childhood are their own kind of trauma. Did they speak Bengali in front of you at all or only English?

My parents talk to me in Bengali, and I reply in Bengali as well. I don't think they wanted me to learn my languages the way I ended up learning them, they were merely making sure that I was good at English. My connection to the language is probably a complete accident. My dad used to design books for D.K. and the Times group, and he often got copies of the books. I would just pick them up and read them, even though they were intended for people much older.

My communication issues are down to the lack of instant aptitude in Hindi, which is what most people speak in Delhi and Mumbai (the places here I grew up). And my glasses, which were a punchline till I ended up with a face to suit them, complete with a ridge in my nose for them to sit.

 

[not_a_robot]

My parents talk to me in Bengali, and I reply in Bengali as well. I don't think they wanted me to learn my languages the way I ended up learning them, they were merely making sure that I was good at English. My connection to the language is probably a complete accident. My dad used to design books for D.K. and the Times group, and he often got copies of the books. I would just pick them up and read them, even though they were intended for people much older.

My communication issues are down to the lack of instant aptitude in Hindi, which is what most people speak in Delhi and Mumbai (the places here I grew up). And my glasses, which were a punchline till I ended up with a face to suit them, complete with a ridge in my nose for them to sit.

Ohhhh, sorry, I misread you. I forgot how many different languages are spoken in India.

 

[RM5998]

For me, being the youngest kid from a different part of the country was a good way to get picked on. Being able to fight back was a good way to be left out of every group there was.

I've sort of come to terms with shit going wrong in my life. To use a Pokemon metaphor, you get used to Stone Edge missing every time you need it to hit.

EDIT: Damn you keyboard, stop censoring me.

 

[not_a_robot]

For me, being the youngest kid from a different part of the country was a good way to get picked on. Being able to fight back was a good way to be left out of every group there was.

I've sort of come to terms with shut going wrong in my life. To use a Pokemon metaphor, you get used to Stone Edge missing every time you need it to hit.

I didn't even realize you were talking about Calcutta/Kolkata earlier. facepalm. I wanted to move there when I was a teenager. To see the death goddess.

 

[RM5998]

I didn't even realize you were talking about Calcutta/Kolkata earlier. facepalm. I wanted to move there when I was a teenager. To see the death goddess.

The goddess Kali, I presume... Yeah, wearing a necklace made of the heads of all the demons you've slain is pretty rad.

 

[not_a_robot]

The goddess Kali, I presume... Yeah, wearing a necklace made of the heads of all the demons you've slain is pretty rad.

lol i figured if Mother Teresa could go there and work for Jesus, I could go there and work for Kali. As a mortician I guess. It wasn't a very firm plan.
I just learned that kalee ghata is a dark cloud filled with rain.

 

[RM5998]

lol i figured if Mother Teresa could go there and work for Jesus, I could go there and work for Kali. As a mortician I guess. It wasn't a very firm plan.
I just learned that kalee ghata is a dark cloud filled with rain.

Kalighat, if I remember right... At least, that's what the Metro station is called. All I know about the place is that it's the metro station where I need to start heading for the door to be able to get off at the next one, which was the one closest to my house.
The Kali temple there is a pretty big affair... And also a lucrative one. Being an officially approved pandit (yep, that's a thing) is a job that pays amazingly well.
I just found out that it's also a red-light district... Great, as if Sonargachi needed competition.

EDIT: Our state's Chief Minister wanted to turn Kolkata into London. They have the weather nailed right down.

 

[not_a_robot]

Kalighat, if I remember right... At least, that's what the Metro station is called. All I know about the place is that it's the metro station where I need to start heading for the door to be able to get off at the next one, which was the one closest to my house.
The Kali temple there is a pretty big affair... And also a lucrative one. Being an officially approved pandit (yep, that's a thing) is a job that pays amazingly well.
I just found out that it's also a red-light district... Great, as if Sonargachi needed competition.

EDIT: Our state's Chief Minister wanted to turn Kolkata into London. They have the weather nailed right down.

lol *of course* it's the redlight! Beggars, whores, lost children, the dead, and all who wander the roads alone at night belong to Kali.

 

[RM5998]

lol *of course* it's the redlight! Beggars, whores, lost children, the dead, and all who wander the roads alone at night belong to Kali.

You don't need to go to Kalighat for that... Every city in India has a large amount of the 'people ostracized by society' in it.

Aaaaaaaand it's probably time to steer back to the point of this thread... Sorry for hijacking it.

 

[not_a_robot]

You don't need to go to Kalighat for that... Every city in India has a large amount of the people left behind in it.

Aaaaaaaand it's probably time to steer back to the point of this thread... Sorry for hijacking it.

lol

 

[SinisterKid]

Its very easy, in this place, to be negative about what mental healthcare has actually managed to achieve on a personal level. But as I am a objective individual with little bias, I shall attempt to analyse my own sojourns into the realms of mental [ill]health.

I have always had a penchant for anxiety, but being a man, in a city, you do not show others weakness as they will pounce on you in a heartbeat. So you do all the macho crap to fit in with peers and not get picked on by others. So lets not talk openly about shit like emotions please, thats for women and woofters. So you can imagine from that, one does get very good at hiding personal issues from a young age.

My parents split before I was out of nappies [diapers to the heathen] my father was physically abusive when drunk, which was too frequent. My step father was no better. I was in the care system from just before my 12th birthday. Then in and out of trouble for the rest of my teens. So there were without doubt, environmental issues throughout childhood that were instrumental in bringing towards where I am today.

I enjoyed drugs and drink. Sex was not important. Hanging with the boys, taking whatever we could get our hands on and drinking large quantities of beer were what mattered. That gave me around 3 years that I just do not remember. I have had various "flashback" moments, but can make no sense of any of them. I believe that period is also partly responsible for where I am right now [in health terms]. Glue and petrol sniffing definitely killed a lot of brain cells.

20's and 30's were pretty uneventful. Found a good woman with her own child, lived with them, child is the nearest thing I will ever have to one of my own, we were happy. 40's began well. Good job, good money, holidays, car, then the greatest gift of them all arrived in 2007, a beautiful granddaughter. Live was as good as it had ever been. Early 2008 put paid to all that.

Chickenpox was my downfall. A simple little virus. Before that event, I had managed to put all my shit in jars and stacked them nicely in that big cupboard called a mind and was getting on with living. I was super fit and active. I lost my job, my income, my ability to cope, my dignity and my hope. The slow descent had begun without me even knowing it. I had never had depression to the best of my knowledge and had managed to hide insecurities pretty well from the world.

By 2016 I had had enough. Thats when I got involved with mental health services.

Crisis team: Oh well, no doubt they have the best of intentions, but as far as doing anything remotely "productive" towards recovery, forget it, they are there to try to help keep you alive.

Resident Psyche on Ward: Stopped all meds. Made me feel totally inadequate as a human being. Was not, or gave that impression, interested in what had happened to get me to take my own life. Very judgemental.

CMHT: Tried hard. But a severe lack of understanding of the issues faced by depressive, anxious people. Mean well, of that there is no doubt in my mind, but struggle with the red tape that restricts how effective they can be.

ADS: Group therapy helped me in the short term. Because the service is classed as Acute, it is only available for around 3 months. After that, you are on your own kid. Taught me a fair bit about depression and anxiety and suggested ways and means of tackling them when they were at their worst. Great service, yes it was not perfect, but for me, it was what I needed after my first 2 attempts.

Psych [Head docs]: If they could be bothered to listen, it didn't show. Total waste of time as I just repeated my story over and over again.

Medication: I am not sure on this. The antidepressants have not prevented my suicidal ideations or my frequent drops into the troughs of despair. I am at a point where I was before I attempted, so I think medication has not really helped. It could be dosage that is wrong, or I might need some other form of medication. I do think initially, the placebo effect was very strong. I was told they would work, so I believed them. Did I feel any "better"? Yes, for about 6 months. Then I have slowly slipped backwards. I do thing that there are other factors in play though and it is not just about medication.

Sorry its a essay, but I have tried my best not to just say "oh its all crap, my experiences were all bad" as that is not true. Overall, I would say that I have been disappointed but some of that detail is down to my own expectations of what is still a very ambiguous "science".

 

[cornflowerblue]

People with a certain level of intelligence are capable of introspection, therefore they can heal a lot of their mental problems.

I can't tell if you're saying I'm intelligent for having some introspection, or unintelligent for needing the help :p

My parents talk to me in Bengali, and I reply in Bengali as well. I don't think they wanted me to learn my languages the way I ended up learning them, they were merely making sure that I was good at English. My connection to the language is probably a complete accident. My dad used to design books for D.K. and the Times group, and he often got copies of the books. I would just pick them up and read them, even though they were intended for people much older.

My communication issues are down to the lack of instant aptitude in Hindi, which is what most people speak in Delhi and Mumbai (the places here I grew up). And my glasses, which were a punchline till I ended up with a face to suit them, complete with a ridge in my nose for them to sit.

DK has been a favorite of mine since childhood. Even in adulthood, they have some of the best books for certain crafting techniques.

 

[21Neberg]

I'm just being passed around like a hot potato from psychologist to psychiatrist and all over again. Now they're getting me into a psych ward on Sunday. Though I'm going to stay there for two weeks, I'm fairly certain that I'm killing myself after that this summer. I've seen more psychiatrists/psychologists than I've got fingers on my hands.

I was able to form meaningful relationships, learn social skills, forge my own path in a fulfilling career and volunteer work, discovered many hobbies, no longer feel jealousy or envy or resentment towards others, improved my outward functioning a lot, decreased my physical body pain, improved my sleep, made peace with my past and how I've been hurt before, learned to avoid harmful relationships, learned to really like myself in a genuine way not in a BS "self esteem"'way. I still want to CTB but in a lot of ways I'm very happy, I wouldn't want to trade my life for anyone else's. I'm just tired and don't want to go on, but I have the capability to continue if I had to. It's a different kind of depression. I'm not angry anymore, I'm at peace.

I'm so glad that it has helped you. I hope that eventually they can help with your CTB-wish too, though I myself know how hard it is to let that wish go.

 

[TimeToDie]

I'm not impressed by psychiatrists who make a living handing out one shitty SSRI after another (and demanding I try all 7 of them). I'm not impressed by a psychiatrist who is highly rated and has 28 years of experience yet has to look up Parnate in a reference book. I'm not impressed by all the MDs who don't want to touch Nardil with a 10 foot pole because they have some insanely exaggerated idea of risk. I'm not impressed by MDs who have no clue what to do when Xanax -- the holy grail of anxiety -- entirely fails me. Etc....

 

[cornflowerblue]

I'm so glad that it has helped you. I hope that eventually they can help with your CTB-wish too, though I myself know how hard it is to let that wish go.

It postponed my wish for years, removed all aspects of impulsivity, resentment, any dramatic things like "I hope this shows people how sad I am", and all of those similar parts. I'm mentally in a place many old people get to. I've seen the world, done all I want to and more, don't have regrets, I'm just done. I don't want to keep moving solely to keep moving.

I'm not sure those kinds of existential issues can be fixed. Usually people get over them by having kids or being religious but neither of those options is in the cards for me.

I'm perfectly able to hang on until my natural death. That wouldn't feel torturous. I simply do not want to.

 

[puppy9]

when I was admitted, I was just a study-case for medical students. No respect of confidentiality. Sad when you're being used for their assignment.

 

[Sever]

I was involuntary committed for a fucking month. It was hell. I was always feeling like shit because of the poisonous meds, nurses were rude af and threatened to bind me every time I disliked anything, I was in one room with schizos, downs, veggies, mad old cunts who were running through the ward naked, "washing" their hands in a pot full of shit and shat literally everywhere (they were veggies). Btw i've seen here nurses drowning kittens born from hospital cat, more powerful Mengeles asked for a huge bribe from my relatives and still treated me like a shit.

Maybe the worst part of this hell is that after a month of poisonous meds I feel like I was brain damaged. I used to have a great memory - I had enormous amount of emails/accounts with complicated passwords, easily kept in mind stuff like phone/credit cards numbers of relatives and friends. Now I can't even remember how I used to chill and have fun with friend half of a year ago. Memories are dim, except those from that fucking prison. Nightmares. So I really can claim that "healthcare" had fucking killed both my past and future

 

[Morphinekiss]

I got lucky and found a cool therapist. I stopped seeing him though because my insurance won't cover him and I'm not paying out of pocket to talk Art theory and classic rock with the man for 45 minutes.

My psychiatrist is equally as cool and I get in and out in 5 minutes.

This said. I'm still crippled by anxiety and plan to ctb one day.

TLDR: cool people, not helpful

 

[The Hunter]

Ah, that dead inside, feeling... I know what that is like. Fortunately, my medication put an end to that. Are you taking any medication?

I've always been very skeptical about anti-depressants (SSRIs), I never believed it really worked. antipsychotics on the other hand, seem to really calm people but they scare me like hell. If you do not mind me asking Severen, in what medications are you on? You can respond by PM if it is more comfortable.

 

[ArtsyDrawer]

I got a therapist. Never imagined I'd need one. If you told sixteen-year-old me he'd actively seek a therapist seek therapy in thirteen years, he'd laugh in your face.
He's a good man. My therapist, not sixteen-year-old me. Sixteen-year-old me was an absolute dick. Potent, although many agree that better help is not a good place for therapy. Seems I got really lucky. Might've used up all my luck on finding him.

 

[quiet35]

About 2 years ago I visited a psychotherapist because of suicidal thoughts, she was completely unhelpful and unprofessional, advised me to go visit a psychiatrist. And took my money.
I followed the advise and privately visited a psychiatrist. After 1 hour conversation he said I have a "mild schizophrenia" and prescribed Sertindole to try and see if it helps. The dosage was minimal - 4 mg/day. To his credit, the conversation was constructive, and he remembered some tiny details of my case even 2 weeks after the first visit. I still believe he is a highly professional psychiatrist.
The medication certainly "helped": I was feeling worse than in the middle of fasting - weak, barely able to move, got short breath, always wanting to eat. During my last visit I told him about those side effects, and, sure enough, he thought it's psychosomatic. Said that it is "one of the most gentle medications" and it's pointless to recommend me something else. And tried to convince me to officially visit state psychiatrist - it might allow me to apply for disability. And I was in such a despair I even considered to do that, but fortunately refused thinking about the need to take all the medications prescribed and "might be in a psych ward for a while".
What I have learnt from the experience and quite a bit of psychiatric research I've read afterwards is to never take any medication that is intended to tune brain chemistry, because no one really knows how these may affect a human body. The traces of the side effects were with me for about a year. I began to think they are permanent.