FINAL UPDATE:
Ok guys.. I thought I would be shaking like a leaf in that situation, but I didn't. At all.
Something came to my post today.
A package from C.
I took it, brought it home, went to my room, opened it.
And it was it, the legendary N, right in the package.
It feels wonderful just to have it.. You feel finally at PEACE, in control, that you have a way out and that your worries are finally over.
Thank you guys for all the help provided during this journey. I can finally confirm that there IS indeed a good source for N and I would have never believed in all these years of suffering that I would be ever be able to get such an oppotuity to peacefully ctb. A place where people die everyday in all painful and worst ways possible, where people have accidents, where people ctb in the only ways they can acess... But not me. I really feel good about this and I'm happy that after all this it will be over like nothing happened, like I just fell in a blissfull and eternal sleep.
Can say with confidence that it's worth it (at least for now I'm sure as hell). The price, the waiting time, the risks, everything.
Thanks for everything, hope you will all get what you order if you'll decide to do it.
This event is revolutionary.
P.S: In my opinion, please for now do not contact the PPH otherwise the authorities will already put all their efforts into finding him. Let all this grow for now and more people get their opportunity, then we might contact them to let them know about this. Still I don't think it's a good idea for now.