Venting May be a Farewell

[BlackRoseBaran]

I have purchased a kilogram of SN and I am planning to CTB soon by renting a hotel room. Somehow feeling at home felt wrong, I don't want my family to be haunted by the memory of them finding me in one of the rooms. This also ensures I wouldn't be saved, a quiet small hotel, away from view should ensure success. This may be a final post, if I stop replying you should know that I have succeeded.

I plan to do it by mixing a few spoons of it with water, as much as it can dissolve before grains form below the cup. and then taking anti nausea/anti vomit pills that I used for car sickness and take some sleeping pills to maybe knock myself out before having to deal with the symptoms.

Puking turns me off, I hate the repulsive taste of puke and the irritation it leaves behind. Funny isn't it? About to end all existence as I know it and I'm worried about the taste of vomit rather than the painful process of death or the thoughts of an afterlife. Life becomes simpler when you know when you will end, serious topics become silly. Fear is all gone, I am ready.

Finding SN was surprisingly easy. I just bought it online from a well known website. When I originally planned long ago I wanted to use Ethylene Glycol. I have been thinking about CTB for a long time, a really long time. Knowing that it will be over, I will finally be free makes me feel happy, light as air. For the first time in my life, I am at peace.

I am not certain about the date yet, if you have any questions feel free to ask.

 

[Dliena]

I hope all can go how you desire and wishing you endless amount of peace and love.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

I hope all can go how you desire and wishing you endless amount of peace and love.

Thank you, kind stranger. It means a lot to me. The people around me would never say that. Wishing a painless end means a lot to me.

 

[Shadowpriest]

Bona mors!

 

[Ash’Girl]

Thoughts with you. I'm sorry life has brought you to this point but I wish you peace, whatever and whenever you choose.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

Bona mors!

Thank you. I hope The Lord will be forgiving and his embrace will be warm.

Thoughts with you. I'm sorry life has brought you to this point but I wish you peace, whatever and whenever you choose.

You have nothing to be sorry about, as an adult the sole person responsible of saving me was me and in the end I am saved.

 

[Linda]

I hope you find some peace.

 

[stoplmp]

Going on the same route as you. Only differences is that I bought a weight balance to be sure of the SN amount to be dissolved, and I also can't rent a hotel room without bringing suspicion. I will do it on my bedroom.

But anyways, peace for you. I hope you are successful if that's what you really wish to do.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

Going on the same route as you. Only differences is that I bought a weight balance to be sure of the SN amount to be dissolved, and I also can't rent a hotel room without bringing suspicion. I will do it on my bedroom.

But anyways, peace for you. I hope you are successful if that's what you really wish to do.

I don't have a way to measure the amount I am adding so to guarantee success I got a fairly large glass(about 500ml) and will try to reach maximum saturation. I have a kilogram to spare to ensure success. Why is renting a hotel room suspicious? Is CTB common in your area?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! I hope you find peace!

 

[stoplmp]

I don't have a way to measure the amount I am adding so to guarantee success I got a fairly large glass(about 500ml) and will try to reach maximum saturation. I have a kilogram to spare to ensure success. Why is renting a hotel room suspicious? Is CTB common in your area?

I wouldn't recommend adding too much SN and too much water, as the chances of throwing it all up would be really high, if I was you I'd do as on the SN guide (PPeH or Vizzy, I'm following Vizzy's guide), also a weight balance is really cheap, I bought a mini digital one for something like 2 dollars lol


Hotel room would be suspicious because I live with my parents. Wouldn't make sense to rent a hotel room out of absolute nowhere.

 

[restless.dreams]

I don't have a way to measure the amount I am adding

If there's a supermarket near you, they usually sell cheap digital scales. Maybe worth looking into? I hope your journey is peaceful <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I understand why you'd feel relieved at the thought of leaving this existence.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry it has come to this for you. Wishing you peace and love on your journey.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I hope you find peace soon, best of luck

 

[Zanmato]

I'm sorry that you have suffered so much to do such a thing.
I hope you'll find your peace

 

[LunarLight]

Wish you the best.

taking anti nausea/anti vomit pills that I used for car sickness

What pills exactly? You gotta make sure it's a dopamine-receptor antagonist. Otherwise it will be of no use.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

Wish you the best.


What pills exactly? You gotta make sure it's a dopamine-receptor antagonist. Otherwise it will be of no use.

Metoclopramide, it is a dopamine-receptor antagonist

 

[GreenGlassDoor]

Best of luck in your endeavor, I hope you find peace.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

If there's a supermarket near you, they usually sell cheap digital scales. Maybe worth looking into? I hope your journey is peaceful <3

I do have a scale at home already but I am not going to use anything from home to avoid my family connecting those objects with my passing, I already know how difficult that is. I also dont want to use something we use to measure food ingredients to be contaminated for their safety, even with a measuring cup, just in case.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

I do have a scale at home already but I am not going to use anything from home to avoid my family connecting those objects with my passing, I already know how difficult that is. I also dont want to use something we use to measure food ingredients to be contaminated for their safety, even with a measuring cup, just in case.

I wish for you to have a peaceful passing. Would you consider documenting your moment by moment experience on this thread?

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

I wish for you to have a peaceful passing. Would you consider documenting your moment by moment experience on this thread?

I am not sure if I will be capable of doing that, the whole ceasing to be and all

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

I didn't know there were guides for this, I actually got my selection of poisons and medicines on my own. Surprising to see The anti-emetic I chose and SN was the conclusion many other people also reached. I will admit, this will be painful and terrifying but among all the other options this is the least barbaric and the least violent way to go.

Years of planning, debating, planning some more. At times makes me forget the pain,

Thought of many methods: the gun, the blade, the bridge, the railway, asphyxiation, electrocution...

Too many variables for most, too barbaric and violent for others, don't want the risk failure, failure means further imprisonment in pain. Don't want to traumatise innocent bystanders, witnessing a brutal death haunts people forever, better they just find a cold body. The best option was poison, the choice was more complicated. Lots of options to choose from but most are slow, methanol, ethylene glycol, medicine... Once again, some can fail and leave permanent disabilities, pain will be worse if I go blind or end up with kidney failure. It had to be certain, no vomit, it has to be easily accessible, potent and fast, pain negligible. SN was the only choice left. I'm not a chemist, couldn't find any other alternative. It has to work. Has to.

I'm sorry for dumping this here, just wanted to document final thoughts, what went on in my head in the process of coming with the plan to do it.

 

[YosemiteGrrl]

I am not sure if I will be capable of doing that, the whole ceasing to be and all

Understand. I'm just hoping for some way that I can be more certain of this method working and if there is any way to expect what I have to endure. It's my way out too.

 

[LunarLight]

I didn't know there were guides for this, I actually got my selection of poisons and medicines on my own. Surprising to see The anti-emetic I chose and SN was the conclusion many other people also reached. I will admit, this will be painful and terrifying but among all the other options this is the least barbaric and the least violent way to go.

Years of planning, debating, planning some more. At times makes me forget the pain,

Thought of many methods: the gun, the blade, the bridge, the railway, asphyxiation, electrocution...

Too many variables for most, too barbaric and violent for others, don't want the risk failure, failure means further imprisonment in pain. Don't want to traumatise innocent bystanders, witnessing a brutal death haunts people forever, better they just find a cold body. The best option was poison, the choice was more complicated. Lots of options to choose from but most are slow, methanol, ethylene glycol, medicine... Once again, some can fail and leave permanent disabilities, pain will be worse if I go blind or end up with kidney failure. It had to be certain, no vomit, it has to be easily accessible, potent and fast, pain negligible. SN was the only choice left. I'm not a chemist, couldn't find any other alternative. It has to work. Has to.

I'm sorry for dumping this here, just wanted to document final thoughts, what went on in my head in the process of coming with the plan to do it.

I think you're making the best choice available. Good luck! WIsh you the best whatever you decide to do.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

Understand. I'm just hoping for some way that I can be more certain of this method working and if there is any way to expect what I have to endure. It's my way out too.

I will make a final post to announce I am doing it before I do. If I stop replying after that and if I don't announce that I failed to CTB you can assume I was successful. Not many suicides are recorded in my country(Turkey) but you can look for reports with SN poisoning. I am not going to dox myself so I cannot provide precise details about me and where I live.

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

I am writing an update on my situation. I have finally written my final letter good bye. I always liked making roses with ribbons as a kid so I figured I would decorate it with a black rose. Finding a black ribbon was more challenging than SN funnily enough, I had to order a whole bunch online. It is a tiny rose that I will attach on the envelope:
I could have probably done a better job than just some tape but this was the best option I had available to ensure the envelope wouldn't be tempered with and the rose would stay sturdy. Looks ugly but I love the black rose. It has always been my favourite flower. I'm sorry for the low quality image

 

[BlackRoseBaran]

I would like to announce that the day has come. I am writing from my hotel room. Thank you everyone for your support, the time has come for me to finally be free. Farewell

 

[LunarLight]

Godspeed! Be safe.

 

[Shadowpriest]

I would like to announce that the day has come. I am writing from my hotel room. Thank you everyone for your support, the time has come for me to finally be free. Farewell

Bona mors!