Redefining the way you thought about something as fundamental to human nature as love is one of the hardest things a person can do. Disillusionment sucks. But it's a very, very common part of life. Here's the thing. You're right, love is not a fairy tale where you're happy all the time and it lasts forever. I'm sorry, i wish it were too, but it's not. However, love definitely isn't people just throwing each other away. I'll tell you what love is---and good news, it's actually slightly closer to the first one: Love is a choice. That first thing you're talking about, that magical feeling, is called limerence. Look it up. It's a necessary, natural part of the love process. See, love starts with limerence, but in order to actually have a stable, long-term relationship with someone, you need to understand and accept that there will be moments when you don't feel madly in love with that person. The flame goes out. The key to a lasting relationship is learning to relight it. Which is totally doable. So you relight the flame, and eventually it will dim, and you relight it, and it will dim again, and you relight it. Why? Why go through that process? Well, the idea is that over time, a bond between you begins to build that goes deeper than fleeting attraction. That's love, and it gives you a benefit that limerance can't give you. Someone to be bound to in this world, to truly rely on through all odds, to face life head on as a team. It's kind of like friendship, tbh. And sometimes your partner may feel more like just a friend than a partner. But that's when you gotta get up and relight that spark. What's very very important is not just choosing some rando person to do this process with. They need to be on board for the process too. Ask yourself the five-point questions and have the do the same for you:
https://drkeithwitt.com/a-five-star-practice-for-creating-beautiful-relationships-35/
Don't want to get hurt again? Keeping your barriers up until you're sure you've found someone you can trust is a learnable skill. Don't want to be alone? Well, that one's tough too, but at the risk of sounding cliche, you have to learn to be comfortable being by yourself before you're ever gonna be ready to be with someone.
And all in all, worst case scenario, it's not so bad. I mean, i wanted love too, but if our situation
really is totally unsalvageable (and we should really make sure it is before we give up. See above.) then there's always, like, drugs and other cool stuff. Sure, the transition from wanting love to accepting being alone might be the most painful thing you ever do, but is it worth CTBing over? Is it?
