Help Lost and confused and divided

[plurkid]

I feel like I'm in a place where half of me is on autopilot. Half is hope, recovery, faith, love. It wants to fight until it can't fight any more for me and for the ones I love. It refuses to give up.
But the other half knows my fate. It knows how things will end, it's just a matter of time. It always has been, no matter how much hope I have I can't change destiny.

The light half has accepted this and compromised that the life I have can still be lived and loved and lost and found again and still end the and way. I don't necessarily need to die right now. But for those who I love, who I fight to recover with, who I battle the darkness with, I'm sorry if this saddens you. Im not done, the fight isn't over, but in all truth and honesty my life can only end one way. Maybe I'll live many decades to come and still end the same way. But at least I lived and loved, rather than never loved at all right?

 

[moondazed]

I think that's the key there, you know it'll come, in time. I do too. But what are you going to do in between? That's how I feel on my good days. "What should I do today or in the next week to find something novel." Maybe for you it's something familiar. But it's always going to be something, so it's always a better option to try and fill that time with a good thing. Or a bad thing. It doesn't really matter. We are here till we aren't so might as well spend it in a way that feels right, right?