-nobodyknows-
Arcanist
- Jun 16, 2024
- 453
So… this time of year kind of sucks for me. There was something that happened a while ago that really makes me feel guilty about still being alive. So on that particular day, and the days around it, I really feel awful.
Anyway, I told someone about that a little while ago. At the time it seemed like they'd be supportive and willing to be around me during that time, but now… I don't know. I tried reaching out the other day to see if I could hang out with them a little bit but I still haven't heard back and it sucks.
This sort of thing isn't fun. Having people not want to be around you already sucks, but when you have specific dates that make you feel even worse about things and having people that know you're struggling still avoid you regardless… I don't know. I don't really blame them, and they may just be busy or something (which is why I tried to tell them in advance), but still. Maybe it's also because they just don't want to deal with me.
Anyway, point is, life sucks right now. I am incredibly disappointed that after all this time I still don't have anyone I can spend time with during days like these. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to hold out for… something, but it seems so unrealistic at this point.
I don't know why I bother. I should just end it. I'm only going to suffer more the longer I stay here, and I'll only hurt more people. But I am so stupid. I am still trying to cling to an impossible hope. And, I don't really know why anymore.
What am I waiting for?
Anyway, I told someone about that a little while ago. At the time it seemed like they'd be supportive and willing to be around me during that time, but now… I don't know. I tried reaching out the other day to see if I could hang out with them a little bit but I still haven't heard back and it sucks.
This sort of thing isn't fun. Having people not want to be around you already sucks, but when you have specific dates that make you feel even worse about things and having people that know you're struggling still avoid you regardless… I don't know. I don't really blame them, and they may just be busy or something (which is why I tried to tell them in advance), but still. Maybe it's also because they just don't want to deal with me.
Anyway, point is, life sucks right now. I am incredibly disappointed that after all this time I still don't have anyone I can spend time with during days like these. I don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to hold out for… something, but it seems so unrealistic at this point.
I don't know why I bother. I should just end it. I'm only going to suffer more the longer I stay here, and I'll only hurt more people. But I am so stupid. I am still trying to cling to an impossible hope. And, I don't really know why anymore.
What am I waiting for?
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