Venting Life and the world is a prison and i feel suffocated

[banger12]

There's a million constraining factors that keep me in line and completely stuck alive. Time is running out and I'm constantly plagued by fear of calamity and I'm terrified that I might not be able to avoid it. I didn't want any of this to happen. I wish I didn't have to CTB but I do. My life has been too derailed by all that has happened. Yet it's hard to afford or find anything that'd work and being stuck living with family who would stop and probably punish me for planning my exit from the world. I want out.

I hate being me and I'm stuck with me and I have to bare with me and I'm horrible and it's horrible. I'm selfish and a coward and a failure. I hate how my mind replays every embarrassing mistake I've made in my life. I despise how I don't feel enough guilt. I'm awful. I deserve to be overlooked yet I crave attention knowing that I don't deserve it and it disgusts me that I can't inflict my own suffering on the basis of moral principle. I'm vile. I want people to care while also knowing why people shouldn't.

And I cry for someone to notice because despite my plans to kill myself soon I don't really know how much longer I'm stuck around and I'm hurting and I want friends and to be loved but nobody should care because im weak and have no strengths or virtues and no matter how hard I try I don't offer anyone anything worth baring with me.

Nobody will let me die

 

[TheMountainTreeEgg]

I get you, the world feels so overstimulating and I need out, I hate myself more than anything else in the world.

Theres so many complications to CTB and its overwhelming, and I often wish for an accident to happen and I end up killed, but the truth is I'm gonna have to take this matter in my own hands.

 

[banger12]

I get you, the world feels so overstimulating and I need out, I hate myself more than anything else in the world.

Theres so many complications to CTB and its overwhelming, and I often wish for an accident to happen and I end up killed, but the truth is I'm gonna have to take this matter in my own hands.

I'm so sorry. I hope that someday the barriers can fall and you can claim the peace you need.

Life can be an intense nightmare for so many of us.