synthcadia
dissociated angel.
- Jul 8, 2023
- 279
a while ago i said i was anxious bc i was worried my parents would find out about me meeting my partner.
they didn't find out.
and then i started this "story" so that they would be aware of the existence of my partner, and it's working. i am hoping that soon, i will not have to lie about being with my partner (like physically being with them).
but i am still worried. and i want to see them during my break. i don't want to lie again to my parents. i really don't want to. i haven't established whether or not i want to continue to have a relationship with them when i am able to be independent on my own, but at this point in time i need them for everything: financials, education, medicine, healthcare, etc. anyway.
i am anxious that my parents will not uphold my wishes to stay in this place during my break, and i am anxious about having to lie to them again. i did what they wanted me to do (which was literally pretend to be on a date with someone), and i want them to understand what i want.
i also am anxious because my period hasn't come yet, though i feel like i may be having symptoms leading up to it, idk. i am on birth control, been taking it. i am still paranoid. i mean i can't have a kid rn. i also don't know when ovulation starts/when i would be able to be pregnant. i didn't learn this in school. i didn't have sex ed in school. all i learned in my catholic high school was WHEN i should have a baby in my cycle, how to be a temple for god, how porn is bad, and basic anatomy of male and female. but that's it. and i feel so lost.
i am also just anxious about schoolwork, but that's not too bad because that is something in my control. i just need to stop procrastinating, really.
i am also worried about vtubing, but at the same time i mean i am in another country so. not too worried ig.
lastly, i am worried that if my parents discover my lies, i am afraid to go home. tbh i will probably try to buy SN in finland or just run away to sweden, idk. or just ctb LOL, though i really don't want to do that because for the first time since i can remember, i am truly happy in my life with my partner.
i need to get my anxiety checked out, i know i do. but for now i just... need to survive ig.
on the bright side, i met the love of my life and i know they are the love of my life. i have a BIT of a future ahead. and i have never loved someone so deeply like this. i was all over them and i cried when i had to leave. but yeah.
thanks for coming to my ted talk, lol.
also sorry for not being on here much, tbh i've been having a good time with life. not too bad. i am on the discord a lot more than this site. also homework LOL. i'm a busy busy bee.
they didn't find out.
and then i started this "story" so that they would be aware of the existence of my partner, and it's working. i am hoping that soon, i will not have to lie about being with my partner (like physically being with them).
but i am still worried. and i want to see them during my break. i don't want to lie again to my parents. i really don't want to. i haven't established whether or not i want to continue to have a relationship with them when i am able to be independent on my own, but at this point in time i need them for everything: financials, education, medicine, healthcare, etc. anyway.
i am anxious that my parents will not uphold my wishes to stay in this place during my break, and i am anxious about having to lie to them again. i did what they wanted me to do (which was literally pretend to be on a date with someone), and i want them to understand what i want.
i also am anxious because my period hasn't come yet, though i feel like i may be having symptoms leading up to it, idk. i am on birth control, been taking it. i am still paranoid. i mean i can't have a kid rn. i also don't know when ovulation starts/when i would be able to be pregnant. i didn't learn this in school. i didn't have sex ed in school. all i learned in my catholic high school was WHEN i should have a baby in my cycle, how to be a temple for god, how porn is bad, and basic anatomy of male and female. but that's it. and i feel so lost.
i am also just anxious about schoolwork, but that's not too bad because that is something in my control. i just need to stop procrastinating, really.
i am also worried about vtubing, but at the same time i mean i am in another country so. not too worried ig.
lastly, i am worried that if my parents discover my lies, i am afraid to go home. tbh i will probably try to buy SN in finland or just run away to sweden, idk. or just ctb LOL, though i really don't want to do that because for the first time since i can remember, i am truly happy in my life with my partner.
i need to get my anxiety checked out, i know i do. but for now i just... need to survive ig.
on the bright side, i met the love of my life and i know they are the love of my life. i have a BIT of a future ahead. and i have never loved someone so deeply like this. i was all over them and i cried when i had to leave. but yeah.
thanks for coming to my ted talk, lol.
also sorry for not being on here much, tbh i've been having a good time with life. not too bad. i am on the discord a lot more than this site. also homework LOL. i'm a busy busy bee.
