Venting I've realized I'm unable to relax

[Sadbanana]

I'm constantly in survival mod. Trying to solve problems so I can be happy again. There is too much trauma for me to be able to relax. It's been like this for years. I'm getting tired of everything.

I heard that people with cptsd can take decades to heal. But, I don't think I want to endure this for another minute. And it seems to be just getting worse anyways. I don't have a good environment for healing, I'm autistic with no friends, no possibility of having a partner, no money.

I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm out.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm in the same situation. Since I was in Kindergarten, I had constantly my shoulders up because of stress and anxiety. I remember the school teacher who said i need to relax (I remember when whe touched my shoulders to notify I was too stressed). And you know what ? I'm 43 and I still have this shoulders up. It makes me realize how miserable I am. I don't know why I'm still alive.

Decades of huge stress should have killed me, with all the traumas, pain and struggles ? It doesn't make sense. I'm neurodivergent and very probably autistic too (I have 90% of the signs). And like you, I'm isolated, no friend, no partner, no money, a family who doesn't understand, and worse now : physical and mental disabilities. And PTSD/CPTSD too.

I tried to wrote a book about all my struggles (it's insane how much I suffered) but I'm too tired for this.

So it was just to tell you that you're not alon experiencing this. I wish you peace