Wow, this is getting really real now. I'm getting packed up today for the trip to the hotel tomorrow. I'm so scared of failing but as I've said before I'm keeping the faith in our sn method. I'm ready to finally get it over with so my family can heal and move on without me. I'll send one final post tomorrow night as my goodbye thread and Saturday night at 7 is when I'm ctbing. I probably won't post anything during my ctb just because I want to get comfortable and get through the process. Thank you all for putting up with me. I'll be out of everyone's way soon. The nerves are definitely going but I'm ready to go. I have nothing left to live for.
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It's never a case of you being some annoyance here. I'm sorry you always seem to think that. I'm sure many of us will miss you but at the same time, I completely respect your decision. We all know when our time has come I believe. I hope everything goes smoothly. It must all feel very surreal.
I'm just tired of being exhausted and have no motivation to live. It's definitely time. Thank you for the support.
spectraltease
When everything is lost everything is found
- Sep 23, 2022
- 317
Thank you. I'm going to need it since this has to work
spectraltease
When everything is lost everything is found
- Sep 23, 2022
- 317
It will. Just have a calm mind and everything will go fine.
makethepainstop
Visionary
- Sep 16, 2022
- 2,029
Well that day has been comming for a while. You have been hurting or unhappy or both for so long,this should be giving you a feeling(s), of relief and joy. Soon the hurting stops. That day awaits us all, I am afraid. Hope things go easy for you.
Oh it definitely does. I'm actually excited to get it done so no more waking up dreading the day. I kept putting it off thinking I might find some hope but my lack of motivation has gotten worse so it's time to finally do it.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,302
I understand why you would be looking forward to finally leaving this world. It's awful to feel trapped here and to have to continue to endure endless days where you feel more and more tired as time goes on. I certainly envy those who choose to free themselves from all the suffering, best of luck.
DeadManLiving
Ticketholder
- Sep 9, 2022
- 315
Bless you. Mind if you can share some tips on how you've worked through the end of life process until the whole death thing finally sunk in? I guess there are various stages. Suicidal ideation at the most shallow. And then coming to terms with the realization or debating the decision. And then of course, committing to the decision as final and non-negotiable. And then, at last, the commission of the final Act.
Could you walk us through the process of coming to terms with and committing to the decision to pull the plug? How many months of soul searching did it take and what were some things that helped you overcome the SI?
Negative affirmations/self-talk, self-hypnosis, forcing oneself into quarantine and complete social isolation?
How long did it take you to go from ideation to getting dead serious, making a non-negotiable commitment, to then actually getting to the point where that shit's got super real ?
Thank You.
May you rest in peace whenever day you go.
I've had suicidal thoughts for years but I was able to push them to the side and move on with life. 2021 thought my depression got really bad and ended up in a mental facility for a week. I still wanted to ctb after that but I still had some enjoyment in life. When I was stressed I would love to get in the car and just go for a drive. Now the past several months nothing brings me joy. I have no motivation to even get out of bed. I only get out of bed to go to work and then back to bed when I get home. Nothing excites me now. I dread waking up every morning. Not sure if this helps explain your questions but I'm to the point where kms excites me because it's relief. I have a ctb partner who is going through the exact same issues and we text each other all the time to make each other feel better. We are finally pulling the plug Saturday because it's no use in trying to get better. I'm sick of doctors because they show no empathy. They just want to make a profit off of me. I'm so exhausted. I avoid people as much as possible. I've tried self hypnosis but it doesn't work
makethepainstop
Visionary
- Sep 16, 2022
- 2,029
It's so beautiful to have a ctb partner. Much love to you both!
stilhavinightmares
Warlock
- Oct 13, 2022
- 753
I'm jealous you have a partner. I'm planning for next week and as it gets closer I'm having awful anxiety about it failing and about suffering alone. I remember weeks ago you were waiting for this day to come; congratulations on making it this far to be able to die on your own terms.
Miss Anthropy
....and the sky turned black
- Dec 28, 2022
- 54
Yeah , he is a great partner and we both are ready. I have the sn and he is bringing the meds we need. We both are going to do a toast to the afterlife when we drink the sn Saturday.
I wish I was courageous. Sn is the only method I'm brave enough to tryI admire your courage and wish you all of the best on your journey.
