Venting It's getting concerning

[Uwa]

Usally after venting and doing stuff to my skin, I tend to feel better for the next couple of days, but after last night the feeling haven't gone away. This is different and even more scary than before. It's like the thoughts have been boosted x10. When I'm outside, I want a car to hit me. When I'm cooking, I want to sheath a knife in my body. When I'm taking medicine, I want to take the whole bottle. The thoughts are so so much worse then they were yesterday. I don't know why I'm not getting better this time. I don't know why I feel like this and I don't want to anymore. At this point, I can't even get help from anyone irl. I've dug myself a deep deep whole and there is not the slightest chance I will climb my way out. What do I do? Is there even anything I can do at this point?

 

[Cyc]

I understand how you feel, it's like the suicidal thoughts start to become a core part of you. You can't force yourself to get better, all you can do is try your best

How I usually cope is remembering that most of these thoughts are simply intrusive thoughts and acting on them won't actually kill me. For example when I see a knife and think about slitting my wrists open or stabbing myself, I remember that I'll just end up having to go to hospital and will most likely be sectioned, which is way worse than actually dying imo. This usually helps me because I realise that the thoughts are irrational and there's no point in acting on them. I hope this helps :)