Bunabelldearest
Internet angel ŕ»’ę’±
- Jun 21, 2026
- 25
Hi I know its been awhile since I've posted but I needed somewhere to put this as I don't know where else to put it, my depressions gotten 10x worse. I can't manage to do anything, my lifes falling down the drain and no matter how hard I try I can't manage to get better. I know It's stupid but I went of my mood stabs hoping I'd feel something, anything, as I've felt entirely numb for almost a month. Now I just feel even more depressed and angry. I keep having violent thoughts and I can't seem to be nice to anyone. I've stopped speaking to my friends as I see no point, either I'll get angry or I'm just too exhausted to do it. I just feel so hopeless,
I got into DBT, and I know I should be happy and wait the three months until I truly get in but-... I just can't. I can't keep going. I have a gun and I plan to CTB in the upcoming month. I don't know what day but I assume a time will come where I get so fully fed up that I just do it. And if I don't I'll do it on the last of the month. I know after I go people will lament that "if she had just waited for DBT..." but I'm far to fucked to care. Maybe in another life I was able to hold out and maybe DBT did something. Whatever, none of this will matter in the end anyway. I did nothing substantial with my life, I'll be known as 'that one girl who committed.' and that will be my only defining trait after death. it sucks, I'd like to be remembered for my art but I am no good at it. So, el oh el.
Id like to add that I've tried reaching out to people, its everyday I try to tell my family or friends how genuinely suicidal I am yet they all just tell me to go play a game or draw and I'll be fine. i feel like im being treated like a child pestering there parent. All I want is atleast a little bit of comfort- ahhhh whatever, I only care so much because I want attention, I know deep down any attempt to talk me out will fail. I dont know why it hurts so bad anyway....
I got into DBT, and I know I should be happy and wait the three months until I truly get in but-... I just can't. I can't keep going. I have a gun and I plan to CTB in the upcoming month. I don't know what day but I assume a time will come where I get so fully fed up that I just do it. And if I don't I'll do it on the last of the month. I know after I go people will lament that "if she had just waited for DBT..." but I'm far to fucked to care. Maybe in another life I was able to hold out and maybe DBT did something. Whatever, none of this will matter in the end anyway. I did nothing substantial with my life, I'll be known as 'that one girl who committed.' and that will be my only defining trait after death. it sucks, I'd like to be remembered for my art but I am no good at it. So, el oh el.
Id like to add that I've tried reaching out to people, its everyday I try to tell my family or friends how genuinely suicidal I am yet they all just tell me to go play a game or draw and I'll be fine. i feel like im being treated like a child pestering there parent. All I want is atleast a little bit of comfort- ahhhh whatever, I only care so much because I want attention, I know deep down any attempt to talk me out will fail. I dont know why it hurts so bad anyway....
Last edited:
