i thought i was doing better; multiple medications, job improvements, getting closer with my loved ones, all for it to come crashing down like i knew it would. the medicine doesnt do anything, im going to lose my fucking job, and the love of my life doesn't love me anymore.
i cant even send a certain as a joke to anyone anymore because i immediately fantasize about joining the military just to have a fast way to kill myself or get killed. this country is going to shit, im hating my transition more and more every day as i dont even want to be a man or a person anymore. i just want to be dead. i want a new life but ill never be able to have it because im too much of a bitch to actually go through with anything, so the only way out is through cowardice and suicide. im exhausted. i dont want to fucking do this anymore. i wish that i could martyr myself for the betterment of humanity but i obviously cant go into detail about that here. ah well. heres to finding a method that will work.
i cant even send a certain as a joke to anyone anymore because i immediately fantasize about joining the military just to have a fast way to kill myself or get killed. this country is going to shit, im hating my transition more and more every day as i dont even want to be a man or a person anymore. i just want to be dead. i want a new life but ill never be able to have it because im too much of a bitch to actually go through with anything, so the only way out is through cowardice and suicide. im exhausted. i dont want to fucking do this anymore. i wish that i could martyr myself for the betterment of humanity but i obviously cant go into detail about that here. ah well. heres to finding a method that will work.
